Ashes and Embers
by michstargazer
Summary: Bella has a past filled with wrong choices, lost love and terrible pain. Within five years, she thought she could pick up the pieces, but when she is forced to move back to her hometown, she finds herself face to face with memories that haunt her. AH JxB
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: To say that Bella is conflicted in my story would be an understatement. I think most of you that read this will find the story very dark and unhappy at moments, but it sweetens the complexity and depth of the characters and their experiences, and as always it makes the happier moments shine. It is Bella and Jacob of course, and I hope it rocks your socks! I hope you enjoy this all human/out of character story of loss and redemption. Updates will be weekly, but I'm posting the first two chapters closer together for your enjoyment. Also, thanks to my lovely beta, HopeAlways. ~MSG**

Chapter One-Going Back

**B**ella finished taping the last of the cardboard boxes in the kitchen and wiped her hand across her sweaty brow. The large house was almost empty thanks to hours of effort between herself and Angela, her best friend. She stacked the boxes with the rest of them against the wall and poured herself a glass of water from the sink.

"Dad, you want a drink?" she asked, shouting at her father in the other room. Her voice echoed through the house's many rooms.

She didn't wait for his answer and simply reached for an extra glass and poured him one. She bustled out of the kitchen grabbing a dishtowel as she went. When she got into the large entry way and saw Charlie slumped slightly in his wheelchair, her heart gave a little lurch of pain. A month ago her dad had been so vibrant; none of them had seen the stroke coming. It had left him without speech and completely weak on his right side. Bella had been with him ever since: twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

She set the glass down on the floor and hooked her arms through his, hitching him up properly. She straightened his flannel shirt and looked at him.

"Hi Daddy," she said softly, kneeling in front of the man. "Thirsty?"

He managed to nod slightly.

" Here," she said putting the glass into his weak hand. She helped him wrap his fingers around it and lift it to his lips. His brow furrowed in concentration as he took a few slow sips of the water. Some of the water dribbled down the side of his jaw, which she quickly wiped with a cloth. He looked up to her then, and she knew what he would say, _Bella, what the hell are you doing? Go live your life. Find someone else to do this…_or maybe worse yet_…just leave me here, Bella. I don't want to do this anymore…_

She ignored the look in his eye and continued to help him sip.

"You know what the doctor said. We have to keep working with that side and begin to strengthen it again. And no straws! Nothing comes easy with recovery, dad. It takes a lot of hard work."

Charlie rolled his eyes at her and she stood back and laughed.

"Fine, be that way. I'm going to help Angela finish loading the truck and then we are out of here."

The fact was, he was getting better, slowly. She had him set up with physical therapy, speech…the works. He was able to use his weak side a bit more each day. She was pleased with his progress. After a few more sips of water, she went back to the kitchen to clean and sort the remainder of the clutter. She heard the grunts and groans of work going on outside. _Angela. Probably thirsty too._

She poured a fresh glass of water over ice and headed outside where her friend was heaving large boxes into an already packed truck. Angela Weber, her best friend of over a year had volunteered to help her with this huge process, easing the transition and burden of moving, both physically and mentally. Her friend was gorgeous - long limbs, tan and athletic. Her glossy dark hair and almond shaped hazel eyes added to the overall effect: a natural beauty queen.

Angela saw her, smiled gratefully and took the water out of Bella's hand. She drank it in fast gulps. When she was finished, they sat together at the edge of the truck and she held the cool glass against her forehead.

"Tell me again why we are doing this and not a bunch of hunky moving men?" Angela asked, resting her hands on her thighs.

"Because, when you lose your home, you can't afford those kinds of things. And you know that I can't afford it on an RN salary. You know I hate doing this as much as anyone."

"I know, I know. Although sometimes I wonder why we are cursed with wimpy male friends. Can you imagine Tyler and Mike doing this? Not a chance in hell."

"Exactly. Plus those assholes break everything they touch," Bella said heaving the last of the boxes into the back of the U-Haul. "Thanks again Ang, you are an angel for doing this."

Angela walked over to her and gave her a quick hug.

"I know and I love you."

Bella helped her friend close the latch on the moving truck and stepped back from the sidewalk, looking sadly at large house built into the hill. It had been her parents dream home and over the years they had worked hard to achieve it. Her mother had been a talented artist and finally hit her big break in the art world six years ago, selling her paintings for thousands of dollars to everyone from local dealers to NBA stars. Equally, Charlie had worked hard as the chief of police in the small town of Forks, where she grew up. Scrimping and saving along the way, they started building this house, getting ready for retirement and an empty nest. With her parents combined incomes, they could afford the luxuries of life Bella had never dreamed of, including this house.

It had come at the perfect time for Charlie and Renee, coinciding with the tragic events happening with their daughter that fateful year--_had it really been 5 years?_ It was too painful to remember exactly when. Her parents had moved quickly, offering a fresh start and a chance to get Bella away from everything in Forks. _Away from him._

Bella had not gone willingly, but fought against the move with all her strength, but there wasn't much of that left, at the time. In the end, she lost the battle with her parents and moved to the beautiful huge home in Seattle. It had been the middle of her senior year at Fork's high.

After Renee's fatal car accident over a year ago, her father had blown through the money faster than lightning. With his only child in college, Charlie's life had become about drinking, gambling and soon, debt. Even with the substantial life insurance payout from Renee's death, it was gone as quickly as it came. Bella's money stayed put in a fund that she could access when she turned twenty-five, away from the desperate, greedy hands of her father.

Her life had been one tragic event after another, never giving her time to recover from anything. As sad and dismal as it all seemed, she had persevered, earning her nursing license and starting over again in Port Angeles. She had her small group of friends, a great job at the hospital emergency department and a tiny apartment above a coffee shop. Life had become manageable again, until the stroke. Now she was here, taking care of her dad, who she loved more than life itself, even after everything. And she was going back. Back to the town that she grew up in. The one that haunted her dreams and touched every part of her memory that she could never forget, even if she tried.

"Bella?" Angela's voice came from behind her. "Are you okay? You are looking at the house like you are going to burst into tears."

Bella quickly shook her head and faced her friend.

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine. Just taking one last look you know."

Angela squeezed her hand. "Yeah, I know. Just know we are doing this together."

And Angela had been there for her since they had met that first day on the job, two new nurses bumbling along in the chaotic world of emergency medicine. Angela knew pretty much everything about Bella and vice versa. Their personalities clashed slightly, but in a good way. Angela was more outspoken, playful and full of life; these things were lost in Bella and she was grateful for a friend to bring a bit of sunshine to her life. But Bella left Angela in the dark about much of her past. It wasn't anything against her because she didn't let anyone in. Instead she buried it deep, covering it with the scar tissue of time passed. Besides, she was dealing with a whole new crop of issues, her mother, then the stroke. Whether she knew it or not, Angela had been the thread on which Bella's sanity had sometimes hung, especially after her mother passed. And there was something else too that Bella clung to, although she couldn't put her finger on it. A certain strength? Faith? Hope? Whatever it was, it had carried her through much in her life, including this.

She squeezed Angela's hand back, letting her know that she was okay and went into the house for the last time to collect her father. She found him looking out the back bay window in the hall that used to contain dozens of her mothers paintings--well, those that hadn't been pawned off. She wheeled him around and out the door, ignoring him as he wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his good hand. As much as she loved the man, it had become increasingly difficult to acknowledge his emotions. He had ultimately brought this upon himself and consequently, Bella. She couldn't find it in herself to forgive him for everything yet.

Once Charlie was transferred into her truck she hopped in on the driver's side and signaled to Angela behind her in the moving truck. She took one last look at the house that represented a failed new beginning and turned the wheel headed west, toward Forks.

~*~

**J**acob looked around the small houses of the reservation and felt a bit guilty. It had been way too long since he had visited his dad. Not only that, but the real reason he was back was because of the project he was about start. A new development off the shores on the very beach he grew up on. First Beach. He remembered the conversation with his construction manager clearly…

"_You want me to go where?" Jake tried to keep the shock out of his voice._

_Sam laughed at him. "I thought you would like to go back to Washington anyway! Doesn't your dad still live around those parts?"_

_Jake nodded stiffly, still in shock about the proposition. His company was more than successful here in San Diego, so naturally he had questions for Sam._

"_I need you to put some roots down further north, near the border. We have too many Canadian customers. It would be stupid not to, Jake."_

"_I understand, just a bit shocked. It's been awhile since I've, well visited."_

_Sam gave him a questioning look and Jacob knew why. He didn't talk about the past. At all. Sam only knew that he grew up there and his dad, Billy, still lived there in La Push._

"_Will you do it Jacob?"_

_Jacob hesitated, knowing that Sam knew nothing of what was implied, only that it meant more money and a chance to build. All and all a great opportunity. Jacob nodded and they shook hands._

"_Good! I'll make a couple calls. We are building on the inlet. Should be a perfect site for everything."_

"_Yeah, perfect."_

_The next day he was on his way north._

_~*~ _

Jacob knocked on the door of his old residence and waited for the old man to come, but Billy never answered. This wasn't unusual, as his dad had a pension for cards and smoking with the elders most nights. Jacob sighed and trudged back to his shiny black pick-up. He would just have to try back later. Tonight he was holed up in a small motel in town, but he had hoped that he would get to stay here for at least a couple of nights, closer to the beach.

The beach. He turned the ignition reluctantly and drove off for the inlet near First Beach where the site of a future Black Marina would be built. It was an exciting prospect, or at least it should be if it was built in any other place. Any other place but here, where just the smell of the ocean intermingled with the pines sent repressed memories flooding back into his mind.

Jacob pulled into the sandy inlet drive and slowly got out of the car. The sounds of the waves crashing roughly against the rocks was both soothing and terrifying to him. The mist of the ocean surrounded the place in a greenish-grey fog, giving it an eerie appearance. He looked over to the inlet where the marina would stand, where the waters were calmer. The site had been surveyed and roped off and a sign stood off to the side stating:

FUTURE SITE OF BLACK MARINA

TO BE BUILT BY ULEY CONSTRUCTION

Jacob smiled to himself. Sam worked fast apparently. He took the rolled blueprint he had helped to draft out of the brown leather bag slung across his shoulder. After unrolling it, he held it up to the horizon. The structure would be modern and extremely efficient. Part of the marina would have a workshop for building and repairing boats. This is what had made his business so successful. A virtual floating repair shop set conveniently on the water. The two Black Marina's already established in San Diego had faired very well and were busy at all times. Jacob Black had become a man of influence and respect in the elite and rich world of water navigation. He had also made a name for himself at the young age of twenty-three, straight out of getting his engineering degree. Sam Uley couldn't have been happier; Jacob had made him a lot of money as well.

Then there were the boats he created himself. Long and sleek with sturdy construction of a design he had been working on since he was a boy. He had designed a wide variety from simple fishing schooners to lavish sail boats. The best feature, besides the masterful construction was the fact that they were "green". They were fueled entirely by solar and hydrogen power, making them some of the cleanest running vessels on the market. The demand for them was so insane that Jacob had hired an expert crew of hundreds of workers to try and keep up with the manufacturing process. And still the orders were backed up.

At times the job was extremely stressful, but also fulfilling. Jacob was doing what he loved and now standing here on the beach where he grew up, everything seemed to be coming full circle.

He walked down the beach, putting distance between himself and the inlet. He was picking up random smooth stones and small pieces of driftwood and chucking them absentmindedly into the dark waves. He had taken his shoes off and rolled up his jeans and the icy water covered his feet in sand in pebbles with each wave. He kept walking subconsciously knowing where he was heading. His steps slowed as he took in the painfully familiar scenery.

For a minute, he thought about turning back, but his feet propelled him toward it. "It" being a huge piece of fallen tree that had remained unchanged since his boyhood. It was white as parchment, lying securely in the sand, unmoved by the elements. Jacob let out the breath he had been holding. His heart clenched up a bit and he reached a hand out and ran it over the smooth wood. Closing his eyes, he saw her…

…her hair blowing. The breeze warm that day. Her feet bare, making small prints in the sand. She turned around laughing, her smile matching his. She reached out a hand, he took it and they splashed through the water, sending droplets everywhere. The drops clung to her skin and her shirt and he remembered that the look of her took his breath away. She was so close. _Jacob, I'm in love with you._ He saw her mouth moving, and he was falling into her eyes. He was kissing her, touching her. She was so close, but not close enough. He could never be close enough…

…Jacob realized his knees were in the sand, his hand gripping a branch of the driftwood with white knuckles. A piece of it broke off in his hand. He stood abruptly looking up and cursed the God that had overseen this, throwing the broken wood with all of his might into the misty sea. He was breathing hard and the wind cooled his face were the wetness of bitter tears had welled up against his will. He wiped them away angrily and went back to fetch his bag slumped in the sand. He strode quickly back to his shoes and slipped them on without bothering to tie them back up. He needed to get the hell out of here. His heart stopped when he saw a figure approaching him from the other side of the beach. It was too far away to tell, but the shape was distinctly feminine. His heart let out a little shudder.

It couldn't be her…not here, not now.

**This chapter was inspired by the following songs:**

"**My Immortal" by Evanescence**

"**Epiphany" by Staind**

"**Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North**

**Chapter Two: Home Sweet Home**

**Excerpt: **

They had loved young and hard, each other's first everything. However, there was so much loss - so much pain. How had he managed to swallow it all and move on from her? The answer was simple-- he didn't. Not even close.

Please leave some love (a review) and tell me what you anticipate or if you think you will like the story...thanks! ~MSG


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: And we're back! Thanks so much for all of the lovely reviews and alerts, keep em' coming! **

**Now, let's delve a little deeper into Ms. Swan's tumultuous past, shall we?**

**Thanks again to my beta HopeAlways, she's amazing!**

Chapter Two - Home Sweet Home

**I**t couldn't be her. Not here, not now.

And it wasn't, but she did have a familiarity that Jacob couldn't quite place. She was close enough now to where they could see each other's faces.

"Jacob? Jacob Black?"

"Leah?"

She walked closer to him, smiling.

"Yeah, it's me. Leah Clearwater."

It certainly wasn't the Leah Clearwater he remembered from his last visit. The girl of his memory had obviously grown into a beautiful woman. She was tall and athletic, with the dark, smooth skin of his people and dark features to the eyes and hair, not the fair-skinned girl he both feared and hoped to see. Her smile was infectious and he found himself grinning too.

"Leah Clearwater, it's been awhile. What are you up to?"

She ran a hand through her short black hair and shot him a shy glance.

"Well, I saw the truck in passing going up to the cliffs with some friends. I've been hearing the rumors that you might be here soon, overseeing the construction of the new marina. It's been causing quite the buzz up in these parts," she laughed.

"I'm sure," he chuckled. "Sam said everyone is okay with the construction though?"

"Oh yes, they are all more excited then anything. You know not much happens around here."

He nodded and they both shuffled their feet a bit, looking out to the sea. Finally she spoke.

"So um, my mom is having her huge annual cookout on Saturday. I'm sure she would be thrilled if you could come. A lot of us would be."

She blushed at her last statement and Jacob found himself charmed by that.

"Yeah. I should be around for the next few weeks, getting this thing underway. It would be nice to catch up."

"Ok then. I'll save you a stump."

He laughed and she reached up and they gave each other an awkward hug. She turned and jogged back to the road, facing backward one last time to look at him, her face beaming.

Jacob smiled back at her and shook his head lightly. He had never known Leah too well because she was several years younger than him, but their families had been close. Their dads had been best friends, until Harry Clearwater passed away a few years back. And everyone knew Sue. She was like a mother to Jacob, when his own passed away when he was six. In a way he had grown up with Leah, but she was always tagging along, a little tomboy. He remembered teasing her mercilessly, poor girl. And she did seem heartbroken when he fell in love with… he let out an angry growl. Why must every thought come back to her?

Jacob made his way back to the truck and felt relieved to leave the beach. On the drive back to his motel, he made an agreement to himself right then, not to dwell on the past or the dark feelings that crept up on him. He wouldn't be able to complete this project if he didn't find some way to move on. It had been five years since he had been with her, and of course it was still going to hurt. They had loved young and hard, each other's first everything. However, there was so much loss - so much pain. How had he managed to swallow it all and move on from her? The answer was simple-- he didn't. Not even close. All he could do was put one foot in front of the other and hope that maybe someday he could be happy again. And despite the betrayal and despair he had felt in his heart, he wished her happiness too.

~*~

**B**ella felt her chest tighten when she turned into the familiar part of town. Forks was pretty much unchanged, the bright white buildings of the town helped to offset the grey fog that settled in between them. It would be fall soon and the warm days were few and far between. They passed through the town slowly, Charlie snoring in the passenger seat and Angela following dutifully in the moving truck.

Soon she was traveling slowly on the street she grew up on closing in on the easily recognizable white house with navy shutters and a faded red door. 627 Westbrook. They grass needed a good mowing, but other then that the house remained in good shape. Charlie had insisted on keeping the house for his own purposes. He had liked to sneak up to Forks to fish and talk with his friends on the squad. Bella remembered her mother being so unhappy about the fact that he could never just let Forks go, like she could. Renee had no problem forgetting a place and moving on, but she never had the sentimental heart that Charlie and Bella shared.

Bella pulled into the drive and turned to Charlie. She nudged him in the arm and he opened his eyes abruptly.

"Dad, we're here," she said softly. "Can you wait here while we unpack a few things?"

He nodded and Bella got out of the car to let herself into the house.

The familiar smell of old wood polish and laundry detergent assailed her senses and she found herself gripping the banister leading up the stairs. She thought she had prepared herself for coming here, but her head reeled with an upheaval of memories. The small yellow kitchen where she had cooked many spaghetti dinners for her family and _him. _The old tattered couch in the living room where she had snuggled into _his_ chest, watching their favorite crime shows. Even though this house was hers, everything in it, _he_ had touched also.

Bella's head began to pound and she felt a bit faint. She didn't expect this to be so hard. She had worked hard on keeping the thoughts of him at bay, but it was impossible to do here where even the walls seemed to whisper his name.

Bella sat forcibly on the bottom step of the staircase, trying to catch a breath and hold it together. Angela burst in the front door carrying a load of boxed food.

"Bella, do you want me to start putting this food away or do you-- Bella? What's wrong? This is the second time today I've seen you shaking like this."

Her friend quickly set the boxes in the kitchen and sat next to her. She put her arm around Bella. Bella's face crumpled and she let out a large sob into her hands.

"Sweetie, you have to tell me what's going on. Why are you so upset about coming back here?"

Bella sniffed and lifted her tear streaked face, meeting Angela's concerned, hazel eyes.

"It's just all catching up to me, that's all. I've shared a lot of memories in this house. It's sad to come back after being away for so long."

Bella managed a small smile and Angela nodded, but looked unconvinced. She hugged her tighter.

"Ok, Bella. Whenever you are ready to let me in, and I mean _really _ready, you let me know. I'll be here for you."

"I know," Bella said sighing deeply. She felt guilty suddenly. "I'm not ready, but I promise I'll tell you, Ang. It's too tough to think about right now."

"Ok, sugar," Angel sighed sadly and wiped Bella's stray tears. "Let's get a few things unpacked and settle in. I'm exhausted."

Bella nodded, smiling weakly and the started in on the massive task at hand.

Later that night and a few dozen unpacked boxes later, Bella had her dad tucked into fresh sheets in the room he used to share with her mother. She kissed him on the forehead and shut the door behind her. She found Angela in the kitchen, sipping a bottle of beer in her Kermit the Frog pajamas, which made Bella laugh.

Bella had felt better though out the unpacking process, but one place in the house still nagged at her heart and she was dreading going up there alone: her bedroom.

Bella grabbed herself a beer from the fridge and twisted off the cap. After a few chugs it was gone and she grabbed another, not realizing how thirsty she had become. Soon that one was drained and out of the corner of Bella's eye she could see Angela smiling at her, one eyebrow cocked.

"Going for a record or something?"

"Nah, just tastes good. Do we have anything harder?"

Angela gave her a surprised look, but shrugged and said, "there's some Captain in the freezer, but who knows how long it's been in there."

"Knowing my dad, not very long."

Bella got down a small glass and proceeded to put some ice in it. She found the cold bottle of Captain Morgan in the freezer, half of it gone, thanks to Charlie, and poured herself a double.

"Want one?" She asked, not looking at Angela.

"Sure, but I need some coke in mine, Miss Hardcore."

She poured Angela a drink with some coke and they set off to the living room where Angela had already turned on the TV and removed the dust covers from the chairs and couch. They both sat down on the couch and sipped their drinks.

Angela said nothing to Bella but just gave her a peculiar look while Bella flicked through the local channels. Bella looked at her friend, exasperated.

"What? Can't a girl have a drink after a hard day?" She asked petulantly.

"Sure, but Bella I've never seen you drink. You need to slow down or you'll be smashed!"

Bella nodded looking down at her almost empty glass. "That's the point."

Angela looked at her, a worried expression on her face.

"Bella, I don't think--"

"I need to show you something, Angela, and I can't if I don't have a bit of liquid courage to help me."

Bella got up and poured herself another large glass of the liquor, draining the bottle. Angela came up behind her in the kitchen, eyes wide.

"Show me what, Bella? You are seriously freaking me out here."

Bella swallowed the other half of her drink quickly letting it numb her nerves comfortably.

"Come on."

Bella led the way up the creaking wood stairs and a curious Angela followed. She stepped to the second door to the right of the upstairs hall and stumbled to a stop in front of it. She took a deep breath and turned the knob. The door to her old bedroom squeaked a bit when opening and Bella found her heart and head pounding again.

The room was the same as it was when they had left her senior year. Besides some pictures and other objects that had been taken down, all of it was in the exact same spot as it stood five years ago. The walls were a mellow sage color and her purple bedspread still had cherished childhood teddy bears propped against the pillows. A faint grayish light filtered in through the sheer curtains.

"Angela, this was my room before we moved. I haven't been up here in five years."

Her friend gave her a sad, perplexed glance as she began to explore the room. She ran her hand over the bookshelf titles, collecting a bit of dust on her finger. A small smile appeared on her face when she saw a picture of a young Bella garbed in a tutu, hugging her mother and father. She looked to be about seven. Other than the one picture, the room appeared to be rather barren, which struck her as odd.

"So, where are all of your pictures of friends and music posters? Did you pack those with you?"

Bella sighed anxiously. "No they're here. I couldn't bear to bring them with me."

Bella crossed the room suddenly and opened the tiny accordion closet in the corner. Inside was an antique-looking locked trunk. Bella rummaged under the trunk and fished out a small gold key. Her hands were shaking as she turned the key in the lock and it popped open. She put her hands on the top, but despite her loosened state, she couldn't find it in herself to open it.

"You do it. You open it, Ang. I just can't."

Her friend sat softly beside her and took Bella's hand in her own.

"Bell, whatever is in the trunk, it's not worth it to see you this way."

Bella's eyes were wet and when she looked in Angela's she saw they were too.

"No, I need you to do this. I need you to know, if only for the selfish reason of making it a little bit more bearable on my soul."

Bella choked back a sob and Angela felt tears running down her own face.

"You sure honey?"

Bella nodded and went to sit on the edge of the bed, curling her feet underneath the long flannel pants she was wearing.

Angela slowly opened the box and reached in to find another box. It was black and unmarked. She pried the lid open and peered inside. Bella watched her for a minute, gauging the reactions of her face. Anxiety had caused her stomach to roil and she felt a nauseous wave of bile gurgling up her throat. She swallowed it down, but she was beginning to feel quite ill.

Angela sighed looking down at the contents of the box. "He's beautiful, who is he?"

Bella sniffed and looked away.

"His name is Jacob Black and he was my boyfriend."

"Oh," Angela said softly as she continued to flip through the pictures.

Bella heard the gasp from her friend's lips as she found the pictures behind those of Jacob. She had been expecting such a reaction, but to hear it was a whole new aweful reality.

"Oh! Oh my God!" Angela cried and her hand flew to her mouth.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Songs that inspired this chapter:**

"**Hometown Glory" by ADELE**

"**Cry" by Kelly Clarkson**

"**What I've Done" by Linkin Park**

**A/N: Another cliffhanger...I know...I'm updating soon. :)**

**A word about reviews: It's easy and it makes my day, so press that green button below and let me know what you think of this chapter. I know that many of you probably have predictions, but please let the story tell itself. Thanks, MSG **

**Chapter Three excerpt:**

The vivid greenery was only slightly veiled by mist this morning and Bella swore she could hear the distant roar of the ocean. The ocean that carried her heart away to God knows where.

"I broke his heart you know," Bella said suddenly. "Into a million little pieces."

Angela looked at her imploringly and Bella took a deep sigh. It was time to talk.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Suprise! Thought I would update a little early this week! Tell me you love me! This is a fun little chapter where we flash back a bit and see the beginning :) Thanks to my beta, HopeAlways. She rocks! Enjoy and be sure review when you are finished :)**

**~MSG**

Chapter 3 - Hook, Line and Jacob

**B**ella's stomach had enough and she barely made it to the bathroom in enough time to empty it in great choking heaves. Afterward, she felt a bit better. She slumped into a curled ball next to the toilet and sobbed. She heard Angela come in and felt her friend's arms around her, bringing Bella's limp body into her lap. Angela was stroking her hair and Bella let her tears soak into Angela's tank top.

"Shhhh. Sweetie, I'm so sorry," Angela cooed, handing Bella a handful of toilet paper to wipe her mouth and nose. After ten minutes, the crying had stopped and they were both exhausted. Angela silently led Bella to her bed and they crawled under the covers.

Before they fell asleep, Bella turned and faced her friend.

"I'm sorry I kept this from you, but I couldn't see how I could tell you. I couldn't tell anybody."

"I can understand why," Angela sniffed sadly into Bella's hair.

After a few moments of silence.

"I feel ready though… to tell my story. You must have so many questions."

"Whenever you're ready, I'm ready," Angela said quietly before they drifted to sleep.

**A**fter a quick breakfast and some more unpacking the next morning, Bella got Charlie ready for the day and made some phone calls to schedule physical and occupational therapy home visits. Then she called the local speech therapist who happened to be an old friend of hers, Alice Cullen. The name evoked more old feelings from her. Alice…the last time she saw her was over five years ago, although she didn't remember saying goodbye to her. She didn't remember much about that day when she turned away from this place and never came back, but she needed to. Maybe it would help her heal a bit. She hesitated when Alice asked for her name over the phone, but was relieved when she heard Alice squeal with joy on the other end of the phone/line.

"Oh my God! You're back?! How have you been Bella? How is Charlie? Of course I would love to come meet with you! I'm so sorry about you mother…"

The conversation was largely one-sided and Bella gave her best effort to keep up, but that was how it had always had been with Alice…you would just try to keep up with her.

With all of the appointments set up and most of the unpacking finished, the girls relaxed with iced teas on the back deck.

"Not bad for a day's work, huh?" Angela said, adjusting her kerchief on her head.

"Angela, you've done so much to help us settle back in. You really don't have to stay if you don't want to."

Angela glared at her. "You tryin' to kick me out Swan?"

"No! Of course not! I'm just saying that you're more than welcome to go. Whatever you feel like."

"Well, I feel like staying, Bella. You can't get rid of me that easily and it might be awhile before you can visit me. I'll stay the rest of the week. The hospital will have to muddle along without us."

Bella laughed and her eyes welled up with love for her friend. "Thank you."

"No problem and seriously, enough thanking. It's what I'm here for."

They enjoyed the moment and the incredible view of the great pine forest that stretched out before them. The house had an amazing view, having been built on the edge of the national park. The vivid greenery was only slightly veiled by mist this morning and Bella swore she could hear the distant roar of the ocean. The ocean that carried her heart away to God knows where.

"I broke his heart you know," Bella said suddenly. "Into a million little pieces."

Angela looked at her imploringly and Bella took a deep sigh. It was time to talk.

~*~

**T**he year had been colder and wetter than any other that Bella could remember, even by Forks' standards. It was the start of her junior year in high school and Bella cringed at the thought of sporting events, homework and social expectations. She hated first days. First days of anything. Her summer had been incredibly dull. Renee had been busy holed up in her studio most of the time and Charlie worked long hours on the force. She had spent most of it with her nose in a book.

She pulled into the school lot and her old truck rattled to a stop and backfired causing everyone to turn and stare at her. _Awesome start Bella. _She spotted a very petite girl with short, spiky black hair at the entrance and quickly hustled her way through the spitting rain to join her friend. Alice smirked and laced her arm through Bella's and began her usual interrogation.

"So, you definitely need a new car…What class do you have now? Are you joining journalism? What classes are you taking next semester? How was your summer? Meet anyone?…"

Bella could only laugh. Alice had always been this way… just no stopping that one. Before Bella could even answer a single question she was cut off by Alice's brother, Edward stepping in front of them. His gorgeous green-gold eyes flicked from Alice to Bella, appraising her coolly.

"Alice, we need to talk," he said to his twin. He simply nodded at Bella in greeting and took Alice by the arm, leading her away down the hall. Bella waved goodbye to her friend and went to her first period physics lecture. She shook her head sadly, thinking of Edward. He was beautiful, but also a supremely arrogant ass.

Edward had never approved of Alice's friendship with Bella. Although he had said nothing to her face about it and had always been cordial, Bella could see the distaste for her in his eyes whenever he was around her. For one, the Cullen's had money and status, whereas the Swan residence had enough to get by. Also, Charlie was known to be friendly with the Quileute people north of Forks. This appalled the Cullen's because the Quileute lived free off of the land, even though it had belonged to them. Edward and his family saw them as a drain on the culture and economy. Their older brother Emmett had even tried to lead a campaign to have the native people driven from the land to a smaller reservation across the Canadian border. Of course it didn't work out the way the Cullens wanted, but had set a permanent rift between the Cullens and the Quileute. Still to this day, Bella thought there must have been a missing piece to the story that would create such a divide between the families.

Even Bella's own mother, driven by her own status-seeking nature, did not approve of Charlie's acquaintance with the Quileute people either and she discouraged any correspondence with them. That didn't stop Charlie from making his way up to La Push and partaking in the hunting and fishing hobbies he loved so much. He was good friends with some of the elders, especially Harry Clearwater and Billy Black. He had grown up with them and no matter what Renee said, he still found his way to La Push, sometimes taking Bella with him. She found that she loved it almost as much as he did. Charlie wanted her to keep it a secret, but it didn't take long before Renee found out about it and blew a gasket. They hadn't been to La Push since then. It had been over a month.

Bella closed her government text as the last bell of the day sounded. She found herself rolling her eyes as she wondered if Edward would "allow" Alice to come over tonight. What a jerk. Even after knowing each other for over ten years, his heart still hadn't softened towards her and she had learned to expect that it never would. She could count on one hand the number of times she had been invited over the Cullen's house. She had to give it to Alice though. It hadn't stopped her from being a best friend.

Bella smiled because Alice was waiting for her next to her brother's freshly-waxed, silver Volvo.

"Hey, Jelly Belly. Sorry to cut out on you like that, but Emmett had an accident and we had to go and see him at the hospital."

"Oh, God! Is he okay?" Bella clutched her friend's hand.

"Oh yeah, just some cuts and bruises during a rock climbing expedition with his new girlfriend. You know Emmett, safety equipment is for pussies."

Bella sighed, relieved and gave Alice a hug.

Edward rolled down the window and shot Bella an evil glare.

"Come on Alice, we have more important places to be," he said looking at his watch impatiently.

Alice rolled her eyes and gave Bella an apologetic look.

"Sorry, he's an ass," she whispered under her breath. "I'll call you later."

**A**s Bella pulled into her driveway, she heard a nasty clunking noise coming from the engine of her beater. Charlie, who was sorting the recyclables in the garage, stopped what he was doing and gave her a concerned look as she exited the cab.

"Truck acting up again Bella?"

"Yeah, making that clunking sound. Should probably take it in."

Charlie walked over to the front of the truck and lifted in the hood. After inspecting it for a few moments, he closed the hatch and turned, looking strangely wistful for a moment before he turned to Bella.

"Yeah, doesn't look like anything I would know about. Something wrong with the drive shaft maybe?"

Bella smirked at her clueless father. "Dad, you know it's dangerous to try and talk car."

He smiled and her and began to wipe his hands with a handkerchief. There were many things Charlie was good at, but fixing cars wasn't one of them. He nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, best take it in."

"Good thinking dad," Bella said as she went up the steps. It was time to cook dinner and if she waited for too long, Renee might try her hand in the kitchen, which always ended badly. Before she entered the house, her dad made a motion for her to come closer. He had a mischievous grin on his face.

"Bells," he whispered when she came near, "we could take the truck up to La Push this weekend. Your mom will be out of town, so she'll have no clue."

He waggled his eyebrows and Bella laughed. Truth be told, she could use a good vacation, even if school had already begun. She imagined herself fishing and walking the trails and the beach. It had been way too long. A trip to La Push was long overdue.

"We could also get the truck looked at. Billy's kid Jacob is good at that kind of thing."

She scoffed. "Jacob Black? Rachel and Rebecca's scrawny little brother is going to try and fix _my_ truck? Get real dad!"

He looked at her incredulously. "Bella, when was the last time you saw Jacob. He's sixteen and hardly scrawny. He really shot up over the summer from what Billy tells me. Plus, he says the kid is a genius at mechanical things."

"Whatever Charlie, but it's a date I guess. I've been dying to go up there all summer. I hope the weather is okay."

_Meaning, the absence of a torrential downpour would be nice, she thought._

He grinned widely, quite pleased with his little secret vacation plan. "It's a date then."

**T**he following school week passed quickly with the expectation of fresh fish and tide pool exploration in La Push for the weekend. Plus, Bella couldn't help it, she was a little curious to see if her dad's description of Jacob was correct, although it was hard to imagine.

He wasn't the persistently annoying younger brother stereotype, but he had tried to tag along quite a bit when Bella visited his older twin sisters in past summers. While they were off playing in the meadows and forests, he was never too far behind. He always seemed shy and observant around Bella and occasionally they would all interact and play together.

However, last summer she saw very little of him. He was fifteen and awkward, all limbs and out-grown clothes. His dark eyes were brooding and his hair was shaggy and unkempt. He had hardly said a word to Bella and had found some boys his age to hang around. It was Rachel and Rebecca's last summer before starting college and he seemed distant and sad about it. Other then that, Bella hadn't given much thought to Jacob. She realized it was going to be a lonely trip. The Black twins were gone to Washington State and Jacob wasn't much more then a familiar face.

Charlie had Renee believing that they were going into Port Angeles to get the truck fixed, and in reality it was still a distinct possibility if the Black kid got his hands on it. In turn, Bella had told Alice the same Port Angeles excuse, because she had wanted to come over that weekend. Bella hated lying to her best friend, but Alice didn't know anything about La Push and Bella didn't know how she would react, knowing her family's influence over her.

The truck shook and shuddered the entire way to La Push and Bella couldn't help but feel the problems with it would be much too complicated for a young boy to tackle. Charlie followed in the cruiser, and they slowly turned the bend into the Black's driveway, parking the vehicles near the garage.

She saw Billy right away coming from the garage in his wheelchair and walking next to him was another, taller Quileute man. Billy smiled and waved at Bella and Charlie hugged him and patted him hard on the back.

"How's it been old man?!"

"Good. It's been awhile since you've been up here, asshole! What took you so long?"

They all laughed and Bella shifted her gaze to the handsome young man beside Billy. Then it dawned on her the exact moment Billy said, "You remember my son, Jacob."

Jacob Black? This was Jacob Black? Gone were the knobby knees and shaggy hair, now replaced with lean muscle covered in smooth skin the color of lightly creamed coffee. His hair was long and sleek, kept back with a leather strap. His black t-shirt was fitted perfectly across his broad chest and was tucked loosely into jeans. His feet were bare and Bella saw they were huge--very proportionate to the rest of him. When he came closer, Bella realized how tall he was, towering at least a foot over her head. He wiped a black-smudged hand on a cloth and held it out to her and then smiled a wide, unmistakable grin that told her this really was him. Little Jakey was not so little anymore.

She knew she must have been staring at him and felt a blush creep up her neck into her cheeks. She realized that she had been unconsciously shaking his large, warm hand for an awkward amount of time and quickly let it drop.

"Hi Bella," he said simply with the smile that made his eyes shine.

Bella shook her head slightly, still in a bit of disbelief and managed to eek out a 'hello'.

"You were right Bill, he's grown up! Watcha feedin' the boy?"

"Anything and everything. The kitchen's bare," Billy said, face lit with a bit of pride.

Charlie laughed, then was mock serious. "Except for the beer right?"

"Of course! He's smart enough to know not to touch his dad's stash."

"The truth is dad, I wouldn't touch Pabst Blue Ribbon if you paid me," Jacob interjected.

Charlie and Billy scoffed at his remark. He smirked at Bella then, and she was surprised when her heart responded with a strange flutter.

"Well kids, we're gonna get the fishing gear ready and load up the truck. Meet you down there?" Billy asked, looking up at them.

"Sounds good dad. I'll take a look at the truck, see what I can do," Jacob replied.

Billy and Charlie went up to the house and Bella found herself at a loss for words. Thankfully Jacob didn't seem to have the same problem and began asking about her truck as they walked toward it.

"Ah, she's a beaut," he said running his hand reverently over the hood.

"Really? I mean most people see it as a big ol' rust machine." Bella felt herself smiling. Not many people loved her '57 Chevy as much as she did. She watched as he expertly popped the hood and began inspecting the engine.

"Ah, she's a classic, easily misunderstood. A solid workhorse." His voice was muffled and he got in closer, trying to see the problem. She almost laughed at the sight of him bent so far into the engine, it looked like her truck was eating him.

"So a clunking noise huh?" He asked, resurfacing.

"Yeah, only when I'm stopped or braking."

"Mind starting the engine for me?"

"No, not at all."

She climbed into the cab and turned the key in the ignition. She left it running as he poked and prodded and she could hear an occasional "Hmm" or "ok". Finally after a minute, he slammed the hood and came around to the window. He propped his elbows on the sill and leaned in slightly. Bella could feel her pulse quicken when he began explaining his diagnosis. Something about the transmission and some sort of coil. She couldn't be sure because she was too busy staring at his hands and the way he motioned them a little bit when he explained things. Then he reached over and turned the key, shutting the engine off. His hand brushed her leg and she took a quick breath in.

"So how does that sound Bella?"

"Hmmm, what?" she said, dazed, and he laughed.

"I was saying that maybe you could leave your truck here for a week and I'll see what I can do. I just need a few parts and it might take me a couple days to get them."

"Oh, yeah. Sounds great. So you think it's fixable?"

"Sure, sure."

Her eyes followed the angle of his jaw up to his eyes. He was awfully close and she could smell his soap. She swallowed audibly, not quite knowing why she was feeling so odd around a boy she had known her whole life.

He handed her the keys and leaned back out of her window. He opened the door for her and she stepped out, but missed the step ledge causing her to tumble forward right into his chest. She put her hands out and he caught one of them. The other landed on his upper thigh, dangerously close to his groin. Instantly, she tried to right herself, but he had her tightly by the waist.

_Earth, please swallow me now._

She realized he was laughing and the deep sound reverberated through his chest. She started to laugh too as he pulled her into a standing position, his hand still lingering on hers.

"Thanks," she said quietly, feeling the red heat spread to her face. "Sorry about that, you must know by now I'm a klutz."

"So that is why you were always falling down as a kid? You never were without scraped knees, were you?" he asked softly, looking into her eyes.

She slowly let go of his hand and gave him a shy shake of her head. "No, once a klutz, always a klutz I guess."

They walked slowly back to the house and Bella stole a few glances over at him. She never realized how lovely his eyes were - deep brown, almost black, with thick lashes and a heavy, smooth brow.

Her heart was still pounding and she was sure that the blush was still there. She could still feel the heat in her cheeks. She had no idea why she suddenly felt so disarmed. It wasn't exactly an uncomfortable feeling, just surprising.

Back at the house, Jacob washed up and began packing his tackle box. She watched as he carefully selected the lures and flies. She didn't have to ask to borrow a rod, because he automatically grabbed two from the porch. She followed him around the house and down the trail to the nearby stream. Along the way she began to feel like herself again and they talked easily about school and family.

It was actually _amazingly_ easy to talk to Jacob, about everything, she found. He lived a simple, satisfying life up here in La Push. He loved nature and had an ease about him that Bella felt instantly relaxed in his presence.

Soon they were standing at the edge of the stream, lines in the water, laughing about the horrors of high school. Turns out he despised it about as much as she did. She had him laughing uncontrollably as she relayed her stories about Jessica and Mike being caught naked under the bleachers of a basketball game by a horrified Charlie. She was laughing too hard and not paying attention when a large tug on her line almost pulled the rod out of her hands.

"Jake! Help!" she squealed, still laughing, trying desperately to pull the fish in.

"Here," he said coming up behind her. She felt his arms wrap around her and he put his hands around hers, helping her reel. Slow and steady, the line came up, a huge trout attached to the end.

"You're doing great, Bells," she felt his breath in her ear and his hand at the small of her back. Her butterflies were back, fluttering wildly in her stomach. He unhooked the fish for her, setting it in the cooler. His face beamed with joy and something else. He looked almost proud of her. She smiled back at him. She had never felt this comfortable around another person so quickly. It was easy to be caught up in his laid-back demeanor.

She felt herself being watched and sure enough Billy and Charlie quickly turned back around when she caught them looking at her and Jake from downstream. It almost seemed like they were up to something…

Jacob's laugh and smile were infectious and by the time the sun was setting, she didn't want to leave quite yet. And if she perceived things correctly, he seemed a little sad she was leaving too.

"Come back this weekend and I'll have your truck ready."

He was looking down at her with his warm eyes and she felt an odd feeling of wanting to hug him goodbye, but settled instead for a handshake.

As they were leaving down the bumpy trail, she looked at him in the rear-view mirror. He was leaning against her truck, his gaze focused on the cruiser leaving the driveway. She was certain he didn't move until the car was out of sight.

She could hardly stand the seven day wait.

~*~

"Wow, so you do realize that he was like, so in love with you already, right Bella?"

Angela and Bella were standing in the kitchen, making sandwiches and this was the first time that Angela had interrupted Bella's story.

"Huh? No, I guess he might have had a crush as a kid, but…" she trailed off, thinking.

"No Bella. I can totally tell…he was head over heels. I mean the whole fishing part? You were really that blind to it?"

Bella shrugged. "I don't know, it just kind of developed that day."

"For _you_!"

Bella shrugged again, looking wistfully out the window as she finished assembling Charlie's ham sandwich.

"Anyway," Angela said, putting the condiments back into the refrigerator, "What happened next?"

Bella smiled and said, "He really pissed me off."

**This chapter was inspired by the following songs:**

"**Shine" by Collective Soul**

"**Stop and Stare" by One Republic**

"**Simple Kind of Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd**

**LEAVE SOME LOVE! What do you think of little Jakey now, hmmmm Bella?**

**Excerpt from Chapter Four: Sail Away with Me**

"I'm sorry that I never really knew about all of this until now. I feel like I've missed out on so much of your life."

He smirked. "Who could blame you? The annoying little brother, always tagging along…"

She shook her head and realized she had unconsciously moved in closer to him. "Never annoying and definitely not so little any more."

OK, Press the green button now :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for all of the awesome reviews and alerts! Keep them coming and tell others about my story. I hope you enjoy this happy little chapter in continuation of Bella's story she's telling Angela. And thanks to my beta HopeAlways 3 **

Chapter 4--Sail Away with Me

"_What happened next?" _

_Bella smiled and said, "He really pissed me off."_

"Uh Oh! Already? What on earth did he do?" Angela was giggling.

"He lied to me and I didn't like it, at least, not at first."

"Oh, do tell."

Bella went into the living room where Charlie was watching a Seahawks game and delivered his sandwich. She came back into the kitchen and they both tucked into their lunches. Then she continued her story in-between mouthfuls.

~*~

**A**nother week crept by and Alice was starting to get suspicious. It was Friday and Bella was practically crawling out of her skin to get out of Forks. Alice cornered her at lunch.

"What's up with you Bella? Your head seems to be in the clouds this week. Mr. Gaythor called on you twice before you even responded!"

Bella hated confrontation, but she had to keep omitting the truth, not only for the sake of her neck, but her father's. She just couldn't risk it. She said the first thing that came to her mind, which turned out to be a bad idea.

"I'm thinking about joining the prom committee with you, but I'm not sure I'd be any good at it," she said quickly.

Alice practically bowled her over in an exuberant hug. Alice lived for prom committee. It was her entire life outside academia. She was also the committee's president.

"Oh. My. God!" she shouted and everyone within the cafeteria turned to look at the commotion. "I thought this day would never come! I've asked you, what…like a million times and you always say no! You've made me the happiest girl in the world!"

She screeched again and hugged Bella tighter. She was about to grumble a 'you're welcome,' but Alice didn't let a word in edgewise.

"I don't even want to know what made you change your mind, but you won't regret it!"

Bella only nodded and the people around them started shuffling out the door to the next period, despite Alice's erratic behavior. A full minute went by before Alice let her go.

Later that night, Alice practically invited herself over, bringing over hundreds of samples and catalogs for an event seven months away. For Bella, she didn't think the night could get worse, but it did.

Jacob called and Alice was instantly intrigued by Bella's secretive behavior as she answered the phone.

"Bella, it's Jacob. Your dad gave me your number. Hope that's okay." His voice was deep, but he seemed nervous.

"Yeah, that's fine," she said cradling the bottom of the phone. Alice leaned against the wall pretending to look at her nails. Bella wasn't fooled.

"So, your truck is done, if you want to come out tomorrow with your dad."

Bella felt her heart race. Just from his voice? _This was getting downright pathetic_, she thought.

"Who is it?" Alice whispered impatiently. Bella frowned at her and put a finger to her lips, telling her to shut it.

"Yeah, should be there around noon."

"Sounds good, Bella," he said slowly. "See you then."

"Bye."

Bella hung up the phone and Alice gave her a petulant look. "Who is he Bella? I can't believe you've been keeping this from me."

Her hands were on her hips and Bella knew she was one angry outburst away from going psycho if Bella didn't fess up.

"His name is Jacob Black. He's fixing my truck. No biggie," Bella said shrugging, hoping it would look like it was a non-issue. However, this was Alice Cullen and Bella couldn't keep anything from her tiny, perceptive best friend. Alice's eyebrows shot up at the name.

"Black? As in Billy Black's son?" She huffed. "Oh, no, no, no. There is no way you are going up to the RESERVATION for Pete sakes! Bella, why in the world would you go there?"

She was shouting now and Bella was afraid of waking her parents. She ushered her friend to the back deck.

"I didn't tell you because I knew you would go postal, just like this!" Bella gestured wildly at her friend. "Besides, it's nothing to freak out about. He's a good mechanic and he won't overcharge me like the bastards in Port Angeles!"

"But you lied to me," Alice said sadly.

Bella leaned back on the deck railing, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry, but it's been a secret for my dad and me to go up there in the first place. Not even mom knows and then…I know how your family feels about them, Alice. I didn't know how to tell you."

Bella looked at her imploringly and Alice's look softened a bit. "I accept your apology," she said after a moment.

They started to go back inside the house, when she turned and said, "Now I know why you were so distracted this week. You just didn't feel right lying to me!"

Bella sighed, thinking that there was some truth to the statement. "You guessed it."

**S**aturday morning couldn't come soon enough. Bella took some time dressing and getting ready, choosing her favorite black t-shirt (a little tight) and her favorite pair of broken-in jeans that fit her body well. She finished with a bomber jacket that Renee had given her for Christmas. She even managed to put on a coat of waterproof mascara without poking her eye out. She appraised herself in the mirror and gave a shrug. She was not a girly-girl by any means. _This is as good as it gets, _she thought. After a quick breakfast and another small lie to Renee, Charlie and Bella were out the door, heading to La Push.

**S**he found Jacob at the side of the garage where he was washing her truck… shirtless. She felt her heart skip several beats as she watched him for a moment, yet to be noticed. His skin glistened with water and soap, so white in contrast to his dark skin. His hair hung loose around his shoulders and she could see the definition of his muscles in his back and arms as he worked on the back fender, stroking it clean. She was having trouble tearing her eyes away.

She finally made a little noise clearing her throat and he jumped slightly, startled.

"God Bella, you're a little early. I wanted to have this done before you came over," he said shyly, rubbing the back of his neck, and in doing he managed to slop a bit of the soapy water on his chest. It slid slowly down his pectoral muscle, over his flat brown nipple, over his abs and into his low slung jeans. Bella quickly closed her mouth, lest any drool should escape. He seemed oblivious to it all as he pulled on a dry white shirt hanging over the nearby fence. _What the hell just happened?_

"Uh, sorry to drip-I mean drop!- by so early. I just needed to get out of Forks you know?" Composure was an unattainable goal for her at the moment and she felt herself get flushed. She shuffled her feet and dropped her gaze away from his.

He laughed and stepped toward the hose, "No problem. I like surprises."

"I'll keep that in mind," she heard herself say. _Oh God! Am I flirting with him? Jeez…_

He gave her a warm smile and began hosing off the truck. She grabbed one of the nearby towels and started to dry the parts he rinsed clean. In no time the truck was gleaming.

"You didn't have to do this you know," she said as he wound the hose, ignoring her.

She fidgeted with the towel in her hands. "So, did you have any luck fixing the truck?"

"Yep, try it out," he grinned and handed her the keys. She hopped in the cab and turned the ignition. The truck sounded better than it ever had since she owned it, no clunks, just the even purr of the engine. And he even filled it with gas.

He opened the passenger door and got in beside her. "So? What do you think?"

"I think you're amazing! This is so great, Jake, thanks so much for doing this," she reached over and gave him a quick hug and he looked a little startled by that.

"Anytime, Bella. I mean it," he said softly, giving her a look that made her insides melt.

"So how much to I owe you for the parts and labor and such?" She asked, reaching down for her bag.

Part of him looked offended and then he looked sheepish. "Not a thing. The truth is Bella, I didn't really need any extra parts for the truck. It was a simple fix really. The axle needed tightening and some bolts needed to be replaced. That was it."

He looked down and then back up slowly, waiting for her reaction.

"Jacob! You mean you kept my truck here for a week, when you could have fixed it in an hour?"

He nodded slowly. "Well maybe two hours, but yeah. I'm real sor--"

"I have been dropped off in my father's cruiser for the last five days at school! Do you know how embarrassing that is?" She felt herself get more heated by the moment. "Why in the world did you keep it for so long?"

"I hadn't thought about the school thing, I'm sorry," he said softly, eyes wide with regret. He looked out the window as pellets of thick rain started to fall against the glass and metal, creating a loud pinging sounds. "In truth, I thought more might be wrong with it, but when I finished it Monday, I knew you would probably come right away and pick it up and then be gone."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and Bella realized he was trying to get something off his chest, so she stayed quiet, imploring him to go on with a gesture of her eyes and head that said "And?"

"See, Bella…I--" He faltered. "I kind of wanted a repeat of last weekend. It was one of the best in my life. Just hanging out with you, fishing, being ourselves. I was hoping you would want to spend some more time with me, but I didn't know how you felt. That's why I was late in telling you about your truck. I'm really sorry, it was stupid."

He shook his head and looked away, but then spoke again. "Did you ever lie to someone, to hide something? Something you weren't ready to tell?"

His brown eyes searched hers, waiting. Of course she had. She had just kept a secret from her best friend and lied about it. She nodded and gave him a half smile, still reeling from his words. They had struck her heart and she felt a strong pang of regret for being so harsh.

"Yeah, in fact I just lied to my best friend about coming here. And dad has been lying to mom. I'm totally guilty too," she confessed.

"And she probably forgave you and I'm hoping that you will do the same for me." He was turned toward her now.

She put her small pale hand over his and he looked down at it. "Of course. How could I stay mad at you? You fixed my truck, shined my wheels and reeled in my fish. Thanks for being a good friend."

He pulled his hand out from under hers slowly, looking a bit dejected. "Yeah. You're welcome."

~*~

"**W**ait, wait, wait…" Angela said turning on Bella as they washed the dishes. "He poured his heart out to you and gave you the sweetest apology ever and you say, 'thanks for being a good friend'!"

"Well, I didn't know what to say either! Besides you need to let me finish!" Bella scolded.

"Unbelievable. Fine. Go on."

~*~

"**I **guess I haven't been honest with you either," Bella said, only loud enough for him to hear. The rain was coming down fast and hard. "I was looking forward to spending time with you too."

He looked at her inquisitively. "You don't have to say that. I know you miss my sisters and Bella, you don't have to hang out with me. I do have my own friends and my own life."

She shook her head. "No you're misunderstanding me, Jake. That weekend was amazing for me too. I couldn't wait to come here and then I realized something on the way over." She paused and took a deep breath. "What I really wanted, more than anything was to see you again."

He was looking at her, a surprised look in his eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah, not to pick up my truck, not to come here to escape, but to see you."

Bella had never been this honest or raw with anyone in her life and it felt good to get it out. She felt herself smiling stupidly. She felt him turn her hand over in his and lace his fingers into hers. He brought their joined hands up to his mouth and kissed her hand. It was unexpected and she giggled a little. He leaned in a bit toward her and she did the same. This wouldn't be her first kiss --Mike Newton had botched that up real good a few years ago at a New Years Party--but, she wanted it to be good.

She angled her head and could feel his breath coming out in a nervous little pant. She let her lips touch his lightly, her nose grazing his cheek. His lips felt warm and inviting and she felt like kissing him more.

A sharp knock at the window caused them to freeze suddenly and then jerk apart, laughing.

"Bella? You in there?" Charlie was peering into the truck.

"Yeah! Yes, dad!" She shouted, rolling down the window. Charlie was holding an umbrella, looking suspicious.

"Whatcha doing in there? Truck sounds good, kid!" He said, nodding to Jacob. "Billy and I made some food. Looks like fishing is out for the day. You both should come in."

"Yessir," Jacob said quickly and Bella suppressed a laugh.

She turned off the engine and they climbed out of the truck giving each other shy grins behind Charlie's back. In the house, they helped themselves to the large plate of fish fry and fresh vegetables and Bella saw for the first time, Jake's enormous appetite. Billy had been right, the kid knew how to eat! After three heaping plates of fish, Jake finally stretched out on the couch and Charlie and Bella sat in the chair of the living room watching--what else?--football. It wasn't long before their fathers nodded off in nap.

"So predictable," Jake said, shaking his head and chuckling. He stretched and patted his fully belly, then went into the kitchen gathering dishes along the way. Bella met him in there and started to run the hot water in the sink.

"You don't have to do that Bella, I can have these washed up in a couple of minutes."

She ignored him and put the soap in and began washing them. They did the dishes in relative silence and Bella marveled at the fact that even doing dishes, a task she detested, was enjoyable with him by her side. Jake was fast, but Bella was faster, and soon a huge pile of clean, wet dishes had built up in the rack. She grabbed another towel and helped him dry.

"So, this is a fun day, washing and drying things," Jake chuckled. "Wish it wasn't so crappy outside."

"I don't mind," she said brightly. She tried to think of things to do in her head. "Can I see your room?"

He raised his eyebrows and nodded as he put the last dish away. "Uh, sure. It's a little cluttered though."

She only shrugged and he led her through the small hallway, passing their snoring fathers in the process.

His room was only slightly unkempt, but she was distracted by the amount of drawings covering the walls and on his desk. There were also wooden carvings everywhere.

"Oh, wow!" She exclaimed picking up a small intricate carving of a wolf pup. "Did you do these?"

"Yeah, a little hobby of mine."

She smiled at the amazing detail of the wolf, turning it over in her hand. She thought she remembered him whittling away on things in past summers, but had never really paid any attention. There was a lot she hadn't paid attention to. How could she not have noticed all of this? She continued to look around the room, ignoring him as he picked up some dirty shoes and laundry.

His desk was covered in finely detailed drawings of beautiful boats and buildings in all kinds of designs. She picked up the topmost drawing that had the most detail and marveled at it. She felt him come up behind her.

"You are insanely talented at this Jake." She turned to face him. "These seem professional. Is this what you want to be? A drafter?"

"Yeah," he said softly, eyes downcast. "If everything goes to plan."

He took the drawing out of her hands and put it back on the desk.

He took her hands in his. "Can I show you something?"

She nodded and he led her out the backdoor and they ran, dodging rain, into the shed. He slid open the wide opening and they ducked inside. Bella took in her surroundings slowly and Jacob turned on the fluorescent light. A large wooden structure stood in the middle of the concrete floor.

The hull was mostly complete, made from carefully fitted, curved planks. Parts of the hull still had clamps on it. She reached out her hand and ran it across the beautiful smooth wood.

"You are full of surprises today, Jake," she said, voice filled with awe. "How long did it take to do this?"

"I've been working on it for two years," he laughed. "I've actually torn it down twice."

"Perfectionist?" She asked raising her eyebrows.

He smirked. "Nah, just don't want it to sink. I think I bit off more than I could chew. Dad thinks it's stupid that I sink so much time into it; that it's just a hobby."

She stepped toward him. "But clearly it's not. Jake, you have a gift! You can't let anyone tell you that you it's stupid. Not even Billy."

He looked at her intently, his back resting against the wall. He pushed himself off and approached her slowly. "You're the first to say that. It means a lot. Maybe one day I could take you out in this thing when she's seaworthy. I've been waiting for someone special to show it to. Not even my friends know I built this. Just dad and now you."

She felt her stomach flip at his words. "I'd love to go with you. And I'm sorry that I never really knew about all of this until now. I feel like I've missed out on so much of your life."

He smirked. "Who could blame you? The annoying little brother, always tagging along…"

She shook her head and realized she had unconsciously moved in closer to him. "Never annoying and definitely not so little any more."

She took his hand in hers and held it up. She pressed her palm against his, and it dwarfed her tiny hand. He grinned and wove his fingers into hers. He wrapped his hand around her waist and slid it to her back. She felt him gently pull her closer to him and she lifted her head in anticipation. The desire in his dark eyes burned into hers and stilled her breath. When he stooped down to kiss her, she released her hand from his and placed it on the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

"Bella," he whispered against her lips. The kiss wasn't as gentle this time. He took her lower lip into his mouth and one of his hands tangled into her damp hair. Her lips parted for his tongue and she tasted the sweet, hot, wetness of his mouth with her own. A tiny moaning noise escaped her mouth. Normally she would have been embarrassed, but she was too caught up in the amazing feel of his mouth against hers to care. He pulled away briefly and took her face in both of his hands, stooping in for another kiss.

"I've wished to be taller many times in my life, but now I'd beg for it," she said breathlessly.

He laughed, panting slightly and suddenly picked her up with one hand cupping her behind and the other still at her neck. She wrapped her legs around his torso because it felt silly to just let them hang there. He didn't stop kissing her when he moved them to the workbench at the side wall. She felt his hand leave her neck momentarily as he cleared the bench of its clutter. She giggled as the tools clattered loudly to the floor.

He hoisted her on top of the bench where she found herself level with his dark shimmering eyes.

"Better?" he asked, smirking.

Her answer was evident as she brought him closer to her with her legs and brought her lips crashing into his. Their lips and hands were everywhere and she could feel his hardness between her legs. He groaned into her mouth.

"Jake," she whispered as he kissed her neck. "Billy and Charlie…"

She did not welcome the momentary lapse into reality, he felt so good. She never imagined kissing someone like this, let alone Jacob Black. It was all a little too much to handle for her at the moment.

Thankfully, he took the hint. They were both breathing hard when they faced each other, flushed and smiling.

"Bella," he said leaning his forehead against hers, eyes closed. "I've been wanting that… maybe a little too much. I'm sorry if we went too fast. Did I mess everything up?"

She shook her head vigorously and tipped his head back up to hers so their eyes were level again.

"No. I just--" she faltered, not thinking of anything reasonable to say. "This is all new for me too."

He laughed a little desperately. "Yeah, new. Come on let's get you inside."

~*~

"**B**ella! That was so beautiful. God! What I wouldn't give to be kissed like that and you got it at seventeen! Seventeen!" Angela stammered.

She had been so riveted by Bella's story, she hadn't realized it had it was later in the evening and the sun was beginning to set.

"I know, I know. I was a lucky girl."

Bella looked far off into the distance. They were sitting outside again and she lounged back in her seat, letting the cool air of the evening flow into her lungs.

"Bella, you don't have to continue. I know you must be getting tired, rehashing all of this."

Bella turned and searched her friends hazel eyes. "No, it feels amazing. I've never done this. I've just pushed it down, further and further, and it just sat and rotted in me for all these years. Let me tell the rest. It will be hard, but I need to. Please."

She was begging now and Angela could only nod and sniff the tears back.

**This chapter was inspired by the following songs:**

"**I Will Possess Your Heart" by Death Cab for Cutie**

"**Wonderwall" by Oasis**

"**I Can See the Pines Are Dancing" by A.A. Bondy**

**"Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Excerpt from the next chapter: **

He took a deep breath. The words came slowly, almost pained. "Renee and my mom were good friends. No, more like best friends. Like you and Alice."

"I didn't know she knew anyone from the reservation," Bella said, slightly shocked.

"Yeah, dad said they were friends since they were young girls. Your grandparents used to bring her down to the beach all of the time."

He paused for a long while, letting her digest that and continued. "Anyway, they grew up together like sisters and dad says that before he was with my mom, both of them were in love with your dad."

Bella sat up quickly.

"Your mother? Loved my dad?" She screeched.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Ah, thanks so much everyone for the fantastic reviews, support and love! I love to hear your input and suggestions. BTW, what do ya'll think of my song choices? I'm always looking for more to add to the A&E music bank!!!! Thanks to my beta HopeAlways and check out her AWESOME new fic: The Beginning of the End ... it's so good!**

**One question I've been getting a lot is when are J&B going to be reunited? Well...it's coming, I assure you. I didn't mean to tell this much backstory, but truly, the story would just be one big fat downer if I didn't. I'm trying to prepare you...**

Chapter Five - Secrets & Lies

**J**acob stood at the edge of the Clearwater's property. If he really wanted to, he could leave now. No one would notice. He clutched the large bowl of pasta salad in his hand, feeling stupid. Why had he agreed to come here? He had thought it was a good idea; to make up for lost time and catch up with the people he largely considered his family for most of his life. He felt guilty for waiting this long to visit, but then again, most of them knew it must have been hard for him to come back here from the big, bright world of life outside of La Push. Still, they were sure to welcome him back with unspoken acceptance.

He shuffled closer to the outdoor party, letting the sound of drumming lead his steps. He saw a blaze of a fire and the glow of tiki torches set randomly in the yard. There looked to be a few dozen gathered and the first to spot him was Leah. She quickly jogged over to him, all smiles.

"Jacob! I knew you would come!"

He merely nodded in greeting as she took the pasta bowl from him. She then took him by the hand and led him to the fire pit where most were gathered. She cleared her voice loudly, and much to Jacob's embarrassment, announced, "He's here! Jacob's here!"

Suddenly he found himself surrounded by his old friends: Quil, Embry, and Leah's younger brother, Seth. All were glad to see him, and he felt instantly at ease around the old crowd again. He barely recognized little Caleb, who was his friend Kim's son. The last time he had seen him, he had been a toddler and now he was a tall and lanky preteen and his skin was pale in comparison to the rest of the tribe. Much of Caleb reminded Jake about himself. Inquisitive, creative and somewhat brooding. Jake chuckled to himself. Kim would have her work cut out for her as a single mom. He looked around to his other friends and the familiar voices of his friends began to close in on him.

"Hey, Jacob! Man! How's it going! Been a long time!"

They all shook hands and embraced and Jacob started to feel a bit better from such a warm reception. Finally, he saw his father in the corner of the backyard, eyeing him with a strange, sad smile. He could read his father's look well as he made his way across the crowd to the old man.

"Hey dad, how are you?" he asked softly.

Billy looked at him a bit warily, but stuck out an open hand. Jacob put his hand in his father's familiar grasp and was surprised when the old man pulled him in for a strong hug and pat on the back.

"Missed you son," he said, his old voice weak with emotion. Jacob felt his heart throb with guilt and sadness. What kind of son leaves his wheelchair-bound dad alone for not months, but years? He swallowed back the tears that threatened to break.

"Missed you too," was all he could manage to say.

They ate and talked throughout the night, and as promised, Leah had saved a seat for him beside her. He smiled at the young woman beside him, her face set aglow by the embers.

"Thanks for inviting me Leah. I didn't know if it was a good idea until now. But now that I'm here…"

"…you're home," she finished for him. Her eyes remained steadily on his and he saw something in them that made him a bit uneasy, but he pushed it from his mind.

"Yeah, feels good to see everyone, after all this time."

"You will always be a part of this," she motioned with her hand, to the others. "No matter what happens or where you go, Jacob, you are a part of our hearts."

All he could do was nod. Even though this was where he grew up, and he certainly felt accepted, it wasn't _home. _Home is where you feel relaxed, comfortable, content… happy. He wasn't sure if such a place could exist for him anymore. All he could do was go through the motions and hope that one day something would fall into place and he would feel like he belonged… somewhere.

For now, he would nod at Leah, smile at his friends and tell everyone he was okay. It is what they expected to hear after all, from the little reservation kid whose every dream came true. He was rich, successful and the world outside of La Push had accepted him readily. In their eyes, there was nothing to complain about. What had happened in the past was a tiny blip on the radar of the bigger picture, and he was pretty sure he had everyone here fooled, except for one man who knew his heart possibly better than he knew it himself.

His father's eyes watched him knowingly from across the fire, the unspoken grief stretched between them.

~*~

"**L**et's see," Bella said, rummaging through the small attic storage space. "Ah! Found it!"

She tugged out a large plastic container labeled 'SLIPPERS' and opened the lid. Angela covered her mouth to suppress the giggle, but it didn't work and she ended up laughing so hard, she snorted.

"Bella! You have a slipper collection?!" She continued to laugh uncontrollably. The plastic bin was filled to the brim with dozens of pairs of fuzzy slippers of all different types. Oscar the Grouch, the standard bunnies and even plush beer cans.

"I had forgotten about them until you wore those pajamas." Bella laughed with her friend as she pulled out a pair of Kermit slippers from the bin.

"These should fit you and they match your jammies," she said holding out the slippers to Angela, smiling wickedly. Angela gave her a rueful look, but pulled on the slippers obediently.

"Such a good sport," Bella said grabbing a pair of Bert and Ernie for herself.

"Charlie got me a pair every Christmas since birth," she said wistfully stroking a pair of tiny, worn, Care Bear slippers. "He stopped a few years ago, but I miss the tradition. I've kept every single pair."

She pulled on her slippers and they went back to her bedroom to settle in for the night. Once in bed, they held their feet up towards the ceiling and made their feet talk playfully.

Really, Bella was trying to lighten the mood a little bit. It had been a long day filled with bittersweet reminiscing and it was only the tip of the iceberg.

"So, where were we?" Bella asked.

"You got the kiss of a lifetime from a Quileute boy…" Angela said, getting comfortable on the pillow.

"Oh yeah," Bella murmured, smiling. "Well, it was like that for next few months. I would sneak down to La Push for the weekend, sometimes without Charlie. Well, that little secret didn't keep quiet for too long…"

~*~

**H**er mother stood looking more angry than Bella had ever seen her. Even angrier than the time Bella accidentally broke her mother's beloved vase from Nana Marie a few years ago.

"I found these in your pockets when I did laundry today," she said accusingly. She held out three ocean-smoothed stones in her hand. "You're going down to the beach on the weekends, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Quiet Bella! You've been sneaking out every weekend, disregarding my rules, and you've been to the reservation! Don't think I don't know! Charlie can think he's pulled one over on me, but I would know that fish fry smell anywhere! Believe me, he will not be taking you up there any more and as for these--" she plucked the truck keys from the wall, "--you won't be going up there by yourself either!"

Bella stood dumbfounded. She knew this would happen sooner or later, but the nastiness in her mother's voice still shocked her.

"Mom! You can't tell me not to go up there anymore!" Bella shouted, and Renee's eyebrows shot up angrily. Bella reconsidered her words. "I mean of course you can tell me not to, but I need to understand what you have against that place!"

Renee put her hands on her hips. "I don't need to explain myself to you. I expect you to do what I say."

Bella shook her head stubbornly. Even Alice had given more reason than this. She decided she would just come out with it.

"Mom, I'm seeing somebody. Jacob Black. He's the reason I've been going there. I don't know what I'll do if I'm not allowed to see him. He's everything to me!"

Bella couldn't make sense of the look her mother gave her then. A mix of shock, a flash of sadness, then anger.

"Jacob Black?" Renee said reeling. Her hand caught the back of a chair and she leaned heavily on it for support, like she would fall over without it. She turned her eyes from Bella, looking almost frightened.

She murmured Jacob's name again.

"Mom! He's a good guy! He's wonderful and I think I'm falling--"

"NO!" Renee shouted, putting her hand up to silence her daughter. "I will not let you see this boy. He is no good. His whole family…all of those damn trailer park reservation people."

Her voice was laced with venom and hate, the likes of which Bella had never heard. She couldn't take much more.

"You don't even know what you're talking about! You've never been up there to see how beautiful it is! You're being totally unfair here!"

Renee got in her face. "Don't talk to me like that! I have my reasons. I am going to be clear and you WILL understand. You do not visit La Push and you do NOT see that boy again. That's final!" she said resolutely.

~*~

"I honestly don't know what my mother has against you or anyone else in La Push. It's beyond ridiculous and she won't explain any of it," Bella said as she played with Jacob's fingers. They were lying down underneath the stars on a blanket in her yard.

She might not be able to go and see him, but he still came over, just for a few hours when he could, when her parents were gone or sleeping, parking his small motorbike far down the street. If Charlie would have been alone he would have let them in like he had in times before. That night her parents were fast asleep, unknowing. It was close to midnight and the cold, spring air fell around them, but she felt warm in his arms. She felt his grip tighten around her.

"I've been wondering the same thing the past few months, so I asked my dad about it," he said quietly. "Bella, there are some things you should know about this, but I don't know if I'm the right one to tell you."

She turned on him, now propped on her elbows. "You have to Jake! You can't keep this from me! I need to know what's going on."

"I'm not trying to keep anything from you, Bells. The information I do have is vague at best, and I've only just heard about this yesterday."

She looked at him, wide eyed, silently begging him to continue.

He took a deep breath. The words came slowly, almost pained. "Renee and my mom were good friends. No, more like best friends. Like you and Alice."

"I didn't know she knew anyone from the reservation," Bella said, slightly shocked.

"Yeah, dad said they were friends since they were young girls. Your grandparents used to bring your mom down to the beach all of the time."

He paused for a long while, letting her digest that before he continued. "Anyway, they grew up together like sisters and dad says that before he was with my mother, both of them were in love with your dad."

Bella sat up quickly.

"Your mother? Loved my dad?" she screeched.

He put a finger to her lips and looked around. "Shhh! Bella! Yes, and from what Billy tells me, Charlie broke my mom's heart. I think he loved her, but his family didn't approve of him being with a rez girl. This was all before she was with my dad of course."

"Sounds familiar." Bella leaned on her knees for a long moment, and Jacob put his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. It must be a little hard to hear."

She sniffed. "A little, but it still doesn't explain the animosity that my mother has. And even after your mom passed away?! There has to be more to it then that."

"I think there is, but my dad said he tried talking to Charlie about it one day and he just shut down. Dad hasn't brought it up since," Jake said carefully. Bella leaned back onto his shoulder. She started to put the pieces together in her head.

"He must have still loved Sarah. Even when he was with my mom." She played with the wet blades of grass around her, suddenly sad. "I remember him at her funeral. He was quiet for days. I've never seen him like that. Not even when Gran and Papa died a couple years later. His own parents! It's beginning to make a bit of sense."

"I have trouble remembering her at all," Jake said sadly.

He had only been six when she died. She remembered how he had hid up in a tree, the day of the burial.

"Do you remember being up in the tree that day. You refused to come down!"

She searched his eyes tentatively, and felt relieved when they lit up in remembrance. "Yeah, I was up there for hours. Rachel and Rebecca were so mad at me."

She shook her head, "No they were just upset and frightened. Rightly so."

He nodded sadly, but smiled. "But you knew what would work. Those brownies! I remember being so hungry and that was the last straw."

He laughed and she joined him. "My Nana Marie's recipe. Does the trick every time."

He nodded, and looked deeply into her eyes. "I think it might have been more about the girl holding the brownies."

She clung to him a bit closer and she could feel his warm breath against her hair. "Does it hurt to talk about her?"

He shook his head minutely. "No. I'm glad that you can fill in some of the blanks that I have when it comes to remembering her. I miss her so much."

She felt a wet sting behind her eyes and her heart wrenched for him. "I'm sorry Jake."

He didn't say anything, but gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. She realized how late it must be getting. The night was as dark as pitch with only a bit of moonlight shining through the silver clouds.

Even though her mind was still whirling with the news he had given her, she didn't want to lose a moment with him. She leaned forward and tilted his chin up. The kiss was slow and deep and they poured their souls into it. He brought her into his lap and she wrapped her legs around him.

"Bella, you're so beautiful," he held her hips and traced the sides of her arms. The way he looked at her, like she was the most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on, filled her with a sense of awe. She hoped she was looking at him the same way.

"Jake…"

They rarely got a moment alone, and it was beginning to feel tedious, having to sneak around all of the time. His kiss became urgent and deep and he held her face in his hands. She put her hands up the back of his shirt and pressed her palms against his skin, pulling him closer.

"It won't be like this forever," she whispered as he was kissing her neck and collarbone. She shivered.

"Bella you're freezing. We should get you inside," He pulled away from her, holding her cold hands in his warm ones.

"Just hold me closer, for just a little while more. I need you to."

And he did, until she fell asleep and he silently carried her back into the house.

**A**t school the next day, Bella had made up her mind to talk to Alice about this weekend. She wanted to see Jake and she needed an alibi.

"Alice!" She ran to catch up with her friend before she disappeared into her art class.

"Hey."

Bella took her friend to a secluded alcove in the hall.

"I have a favor to ask. The weather in La Push is going to be really nice this weekend and I wanted to go on down there, but mom is freaking out about it. Can you cover for me?"

Alice rolled her eyes and glared. "Just by yourself? Come on Bella, how stupid do you think I am? I know you are going down there to see _him_."

"Please Alice."

No one but Charlie knew about their relationship, but Bella was tired of keeping it hidden away. Her heart ached to tell Alice about him, but she knew what reaction she would receive.

"And don't think I don't know why you wanted to join prom committee. I was all just a cover up for this little charade you have with a Quileute boy, for god sakes!" She dropped her intense grey eyes from Bella's. "No. I won't do this for you Bella. In fact, I don't want to be a part of this friendship if you continue to keep things from me."

Bella grabbed her friend's shoulders. "And what would you have done if I would have told you in the first place… jumped for joy for me? The fact is Alice, it hurts me just as much to not be able to tell you things. I just wish you could be happy for me!"

Alice took in a deep breath and Bella saw her eyes were wet with angry tears. "Yeah, I would have been pissed anyway. Come on Bella, he's from the rez! He's poor and young. He doesn't know what he wants! It's obvious he's latched onto you because you are going places and he's not."

"How and the hell do you know! You don't know a fucking thing about him, Alice Cullen!"

Alice only stood there, startled by Bella's reaction, then reached out. Bella swatted her friend's hand away.

"No! You know what? I can't do this anymore. If you won't help me, I'll ask Jessica Stanley."

It was a harsh thing to say. It was a sad day when you asked Jessica Stanley as a back-up, but Bella knew she would be good for it.

She turned away from Alice, hot tears stinging her eyes. It would be weeks before they would talk again.

**This chapter was inspired by the following songs:**

"**Secret" by Missy Higgins**

"**Slide" by The Goo Goo Dolls**

"**Meteor Shower" by Owl City**

**Please Review and let me know what you think of the Renee and Alice fallout! **

**Chapter Six Excerpt:**

"What are we doing?" She asked, biting her lip.

He looked up at her, his eyes searching. "I don't know, but I don't regret it, not for a second. Do you?"

She shook her head with conviction. No, she hadn't regretted the most beautiful moment in her life thus far. How could he ask such a stupid question?


	6. Chapter 6

**AHHH! Sorry for the epic update fail! I had this chapter written out for awhile now, but I went back a million and four times deciding how I wanted to end it. After all that, I didn't change a thing! Haha! So please accept my apologies! Thanks to my wonderful beta HopeAlways and be sure to check out her story too! It's on my faves. :) Also, I'm suffering from some hefty writers block right now and chapter seven is only half done. But with more reviews and inspiration, I'm sure I can get it out in a week or so....So PLEASE review! Thanks a bunch!**

Chapter 6: To Be Loved

"**M**ust be global warming." Jake grinned and grabbed her hand.

He was tugging her toward the beach. The day was pleasantly warm for May in Forks and her heart soared with possibilities. What kind of adventure would Jake take her on today? Hiking up the cliffs, wading through secret tide pools or maybe even an undiscovered meadow bathed in brilliant sunshine… she felt filled with contentedness that did not count on excitement, but merely being in the presence of Jacob Black. For all she cared, he could take a nap while she was there. As long as she could be with him and feel his skin on hers, she would be perfectly pleased.

Bella was surprised her parents had bought the Jessica Stanley story. As far as they knew, Jessica and Bella were never really friends, only acquaintances. But Bella had rehearsed her story for them and played it flawlessly. She was free to go to "Jessica's" for the weekend for a sleepover-slash-study jam for finals. It was perfect timing, Billy was gone for the weekend for an elder meeting miles away and he planned on spending the night there.

Once at their secluded little part of the beach, they let the frigid sea water cool their toes and began their ritual of searching for flat washed stones to skip into the water. The air was so warm that she had abandoned her light jacket in favor of the lightweight button-down white shirt that covered her bikini top. Jake followed suit and his shirt came off and joined a little mound of clothing, shoes and towels on the warm sand. He waded in the water coming up behind her, and she could tell by the mischievous look in his eye that he was up to something.

"No. Don't even think about it!"

She screamed as he ducked his hand quickly in the icy water and flung a spray of droplets at her. He laughed maniacally and ignored her protests.

"Ahhh! NO! So c-c-c-cold! Jake!"

He splashed her again and she got him back a couple times. They were both thoroughly drenched by the time he held his hand out in a truce and she accepted it. He pulled her into his warm arms. Did he ever get cold?

She leaned into him and he brought his mouth to hers, lightly touching her lips. It was remarkable, but every kiss was like the first one they had several months ago, stirring flutters in her stomach. When he deepened the kiss, his warm lips closing softly around hers, his tongue playfully flicking against hers, then sliding passionately and slowly, exploring the sweetness of her mouth. She sighed into his mouth and he lifted her out of the water and closer into arms. When he kissed down her cheek and into the curve of her neck, she felt a warmth spread into her center, making her slightly dizzy with want. She felt her pulse quicken even more, and it felt like her heart might burst if she didn't come out and say it.

"Jacob," she whispered in his ear.

"Mmmmm?" He was too busy worshiping the space between her collarbone and shoulder blade with his mouth.

"Jacob, I'm in love with you."

He pulled away slowly and Bella looked into eyes, searching. He smiled then faltered, like he couldn't quite comprehend her words. His eyes were dark and intense and he held her face, lovingly cradled in his large hands.

"Say it again."

"I love you, Jacob Black."

A huge grin spread across his face and she felt the vulnerable feeling subside. He stroked her face with his hands, memorizing her soft features with his fingertips.

"I've loved you for awhile now, Bells. There are so many times when I wanted to tell you. I've been a coward," he said softly, his voice barely audible above the waves.

She felt the relief wash over her and he held her close again. She knew it was hard for him, to open up and let his heart go a bit. He was always very guarded, and she knew it was because of losing his mother.

"Jake, you make me feel so precious, the way you hold me and touch me. I know your heart. I know you love me."

"So much it scares me sometimes," he said hugging her close.

They came out of the water hand in hand and let the sun dry their clothes. Her heart felt a lot less heavy, even though it seemed like the world around them was shutting them out. She would always have his love to count on and she hoped he would always depend on her as well. Whenever the storm clouds of life threatened, he would remind her that the sun would eventually come out and the other problems with Alice and her mother became bearable again.

**T**hey had a small picnic lunch and then went back to Jacob's house to relax and watched old episodes of Law and Order well into the night. Before she fell asleep, she felt him tie something on her wrist. It was a thin, worn, braided rope in red, gold and black and a tiny, gold, heart-shaped lock and key dangled from it.

"It was my mothers," he whispered quietly in the dark. "You are the key to my heart, Bella."

She felt herself get choked up and she put her sleepy arms around his strong neck. "Thank you, it's beautiful."

She turned it over in her hand, marveling at the delicate charm. She knew they were both exhausted, but she couldn't help but think of Sarah.

"Jacob?"

"Hmmm?" His voice was half-asleep.

"Why do you think our dad's are so close? I mean, you would think that having your mom in the picture would mess that up, right?"

He cleared his throat, nodding. "Sure, but that's just my dad's nature. He's easy going and so is your dad. It's why they became friends in the first place. I guess Charlie might have thought if he couldn't have her, Ol' Billy Boy was naturally the next best alternative. Besides, it worked out. I know my parents loved each other. They used to be downright mushy sometimes, kissing in the dark, when they thought the kiddies weren't in eyesight. I remember being grossed out by that. Now I think about it differently."

He laughed softly, the sweet memory still replaying in his mind.

She smiled sadly. "I guess that brings about the next question then. Did my dad ever really love my mom?"

His face grew serious and sad along with hers.

"Must've been hard for him. Seeing them together, happy," she said leaning into his chest.

"Bella, it's all speculation at this point. Who knows what Charlie felt for my mom as the years went by? I think he would have been happy, you know, when mom had the twins. And then you came along! I've never seen a dad dote on a child like he does with you. He loves you Bella. And Renee."

"I know," she murmured, snuggling into his chest. "Now I just wish I knew nothing about it at all."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything," he said, voice full of regret. "I just didn't want to keep it from you, especially something like that."

She nodded and lifted her eyes to his. "I can't imagine anyone else being in your arms. Just me."

He chuckled, his arms closing around her securely. "Just you then. I'm perfectly fine with that."

She yawned in sleepily contentment.

"Come on, sleepyhead. I'll tuck you in."

He carried her to his bedroom and he settled himself next to her in the small bed. He drew up the covers and before he lay his head down, he whispered in her ear.

"I'll love just you. Forever and always."

**T**hey had slept soundly in his bed and the morning light was streaming through the windows. Jacob had made coffee and she helped to make french toast, in which Jacob had four helpings. It was going to be another beautiful day and Jacob told her to change into her swimsuit while he cleaned up. She heard the excitement in his voice and wondered what he had in store for them.

They drove to the beach again and he took her by the hand and led her into the inlet. There she saw a large wooden object wedged into the sand. The boat!

"You finished it!" She squealed and ran towards it.

"It's almost done, just a few more coats of varnish," he said quietly, but it was obvious in the way he was stood that he was immensely proud of himself.

"It's so gorgeous," she said taking in the sight of the precise fitting boards and golden color of the wood in the sunlight. Every detail seemed perfect to her. "Can we take it out?"

"Yeah, but only in the inlet. Even though the sea is pretty calm today, I want to play it safe."

He then lifted her easily into the boat and began pushing it into the calm water. Once she was in, he leapt expertly into the craft and grabbed the double sided paddle, that Bella noticed he had made that too.

He took them to the other side and Bella marveled at the sight of the pines growing at the water's edge and the mighty rocks that carved out the secluded piece of ocean. Far on the other side of the inlet she spotted a dark opening that looked like a cave, which piqued her interest. She had to see what was in it.

"Jake, take us over there," she said pointing towards it.

He stopped and looked. "I don't know Bells, the water gets a little choppy over there by the breakers."

She gave him a petulant look and stuck her lip out a little and he chuckled. She knew she had won.

"Alright, but hold on. I haven't tested this thing in rougher waters yet."

They maneuvered out of the inlet and he slowly made his way near the breakers. The water was still shallow enough to stand in, but the swells rocked the boat powerfully.

She grabbed the sides of the boat tightly. They were almost there when a huge swell almost toppled them.

"Bella hold on!" He called out over the roar of water hitting rocks. He looked very concerned, but Bella only laughed with excitement. This is what she loved to do with Jake, go on little adventures, the more perilous the better.

She tried to move her wrist to give Jacob the thumbs up sign, letting him know she was alright, but it was caught, the fibers in the braid of his mother's bracelet had managed to get tangled in a rough edge of unvarnished wood.

"Dammit," she cursed under her breath as she began to untangle it. She had hoped that the bracelet wasn't damaged. As the strings began to loosen, it fell off her wrist and into the water.

"Shit! Jake, the bracelet!" She moved to the side of the boat in time to see the little trinket start to float away in a wave. In one swift and stupid movement, she stood and tossed herself into the water.

As she splashed in, she heard Jake's desperate shout. "No! Bella! Don't!"

The water was deeper and darker than she had anticipated and her arms and legs scrambled for the surface. The bracelet was nowhere. Finally, her head broke above the water and she took a deep breath of air. She turned to face the boat, but saw that it was empty and several meters away.

"Jake!" She choked out. A large wave crashed over her head sending her tumbling hands over feet, but she managed to come up again. She searched all around her for him and by some miracle, saw a tiny glimmer of gold only a few feet away. She swam hastily and was overcome by the huge shadow of another oncoming wave. Charlie's words broke through her subconscious as she was pulled into the undertow. _Swim parallel to the shore, Bells!_

She aligned her body as much as she could, but couldn't seem to break surface. Her lungs burned and ached for air. She had almost made it, when yet another pull sent her downward. Panic overcame her as the last bubbles of air escaped her throat. She reached and grabbed into nothingness. A cold, black shadow started to cloud her vision and she took in a burning lungful of water.

_So this is what it feels like to drown_.

Her mind raced with images of her parents, Alice and then Jacob as she plunged into the brilliant light of death and the sea ravaged upon her small body.

~*~

_Thump, thump…thump, thump…thump, thump. Was it over? My heart shouldn't be beating. I'm dead. So much pressure and pain. I'm choking! Stop! I'm choking! STOP!_

But the pressure continued, and the choking didn't stop. She was supposed to do something. She couldn't feel the want or need though. Everything felt so light and mercifully warm in the yellow softness that surrounded her, inviting her in. But she didn't think it was supposed to hurt this much.

_More pushing, choking, burning, searing pain scorching every inch of my body. No, this doesn't feel right… _

She wanted to lift her arms, but couldn't. She wanted to scream, but couldn't. A sudden heave pushed on her center and the softness behind her head turned granite hard. Everything was cold and startling. She felt herself plunge downward out of the yellow light.

_No! Let me go!_

A sudden urge to push came from her center and she let her body take over. The water erupted from her mouth and nose in strangled heaves.

"Good girl! Come back to me Bells! Oh, God please! Don't stop, let it all out!"

His voice was high and desperate, and she was so cold and longed for the warmth that had surrounded her only seconds before. No! She would fight! She purged some more of the burning salt water and took in what was supposed to be there in the first place, air. She sputtered and felt the heaviness of her arms begin to dissipate. She was wrapped up in something or should she say, someone, and it felt too good for words. She clung to him and knew in a moment it was Jake. His words fell into her ears easily, but her throat burned too much to respond.

"Christ! You're going to be okay! Baby, I was so fucking scared! Oh, God! I love you! I love you!"

She felt his body shudder around her as he sobbed. She wished she could comfort him, but could only relax into the warmth of his chest and let the air flow into her raw throat. She managed to let her hands cling to his arms. Her eyes started to open to the painful blue light, so unlike the warm one she had been in.

"Jake, I'm here." She let out the hoarse whisper.

He let out a huge sigh of relief, choked in tears and she felt his warm breath gust into her ear. The side of his face was wet with streaming tears.

"I'm never letting you go."

And he didn't. She didn't know how long they lay there in the sand, letting the sun warm there bodies, but she soon felt her body return to normalcy. She turned to her rescuer and put her hand up to his face. It looked eggshell white compared to his dark toffee skin.

"I'm sorry," she said bringing him closer. "I'm so sorry."

The kiss was desperate and she heard him groan with desperation as he lost himself in it, letting his body and instincts take over. She let her hands feel every part of his back, face and chest. She knew these parts by heart and it felt so good to feel his warm familiar body under her fingertips. She felt his embrace close in on her and warmth spread through her body as he kissed her hard down her cheeks and buried his face in her neck.

His hand reached up and ripped through the center of her white shirt and she felt the buttons and fabric tear away easily under his forceful grasp. She felt him move his hand under her swimsuit top closing roughly around her breast.

It's not like she didn't welcome it, but it was surprising because his touch was usually so gentle. They had never touched each other like this, with such reckless abandon. Their relationship was different in the physical sense. Unlike her other guy friends, Jake didn't seem to be dictated by his hormones. Sure, they had kissed plenty, but both of them seemed perfectly content with that for now. They hadn't even begun to discuss sex. There was never a time or place because their dads were always around, or they were simply too busy doing other things. It just never came up. This wasn't the moment for discussions either. After such a close call with death, their minds were riding on the same wavelength: get as close as possible, as fast as possible and don't let go.

Bella pushed her hands down the back of his shorts, letting herself feel the silken, smooth skin that glided over the hard muscles of his ass. She pulled him toward her and her name escaped his lips as he rolled on top of her, his long hair brushing against her chest. He untied her top and tossed it aside, his eyes reveled over her nakedness. She felt herself smile when she saw him swallow hard and his dark eyes met hers again.

"Touch me," she said softly, but with force. She needed to feel his hands on her as if her life depended on it.

He filled his palm with her breast and she closed her eyes because his hand was so warm and comforting. He breathed deeply and bent his head, replacing his hand with his mouth.

"Ahhh, Jake!" She threaded her hands frantically through his damp hair, pulling him closer. His mouth was hot and greedy as he sucked fervently at her breasts. His hands pulled her shorts and bottoms down in a swift motion and she felt him, hard against her thigh as he leaned in close to her.

It was all fast forward from there, driven by the pure desire to feel, touch and experience. Her hands moved based on what they wanted, without restraint, and his shorts came off soon after hers, joining the strewn piles of clothes in the sand. They were both completely bare and exposed to the elements. The sun had not ducked behind the clouds or they would have been cold in the shadow of the large driftwood tree that they lay beside.

His body covered hers and he was kissing her again as his hands moved her hips and she positioned her legs so that he was between them. She felt him shift as he centered himself above her then hesitate. She looked at him intently and pushed him into her with her ankles behind his rear and her hands at his back. She had never wanted anything more than to feel him in her and when his eyes caught hers, she gave him a small nod of reassurance.

_I want you_. _I want this. I'm ready._

He let her guide him and let out a deep sound that let her know they were doing this right.

She had expected to feel some pain and it came, quick and sharp at first and then lessened as his thrusts became deeper and more urgent, pushing her body into the sand. She felt herself start to clench around him as the heat and pressure increased. He made a sound in his throat that sounded almost animal-like, a mix between a groan of pleasure and a growl. His mouth clenched together in concentration and the eyes that met hers were deep, black pools swimming with desire and exaltation of the moment.

The friction between them felt so good and frustrating at the same time and she waited for the tightly wound coil centered in her body to spring free. His hand reached out and he grasped at a branch near their heads and pulled himself further into her. She let her fingernails dig into his back as the depth and force of his movements increased.

"Uh! Please! Please! Ah! Ah!" She made soft noises as her climax neared. He was so deep, each stroke an earth shattering mixture of pleasure and pain. She clung tightly to him, so that it seemed every inch of her skin was on his and every inch of him was deep within her. She looked up in time to see his eyes close tight, every muscle in his jaw tight.

"AH! Bella!" He cried out and pulsed inside of her, but didn't stop when he began to feel her tighten around him.

Jacob then learned she wasn't as fragile as she looked, as his forceful movements brought her to the threshold. He thought he might be hurting her, she was so small…but her face and movements told him otherwise. He didn't know if he could have stopped anyway. The way her body perfectly fit around him, tore his breath from his lungs and left him gasping.

"Jacob!" Her voice was louder then she intended it to be, but she didn't have an ounce of control over it as her body shuddered and let go, only moments after his release. He pushed himself into her a few more times before collapsing between her thighs. He hadn't lasted long, but neither had she.

Bella welcomed him back into her arms and he lay with himself inside her for a moment, catching his breath, then pulled away to look at her face. He smoothed her hair back off of her cheeks and forehead, a small concerned smile played upon his face. She was breathing hard too, her breasts pressing into his chest with each inspiration. She smiled at him and he brushed her mouth with a quick kiss. He then situated his ear over her heart, listening as the frantic beats finally slowed to normal.

"What are we doing?" She asked, biting her lip.

He looked up at her, his eyes searching. "I don't know, but I don't regret it, not for a second. Do you?"

She shook her head with conviction. No, she hadn't regretted the most beautiful moment in her life thus far. How could he ask such a stupid question?

"Baby, I almost lost you today. I wasn't thinking…I just needed you."

"I needed you too."

She kissed him tenderly and rose slowly out of the sand, brushing it off their bodies. They pulled their clothes back on, then sat down on the fallen tree with their faces toward the horizon. The sun disappeared behind the soft, pink clouds that met the water edge and into the rough water. Bella felt his arms around her and realized for the first time that this was the only place she felt complete.

On the way walking back to Jacob's car, her eyes caught a shimmer of something in the sand. Her heart soared as the bracelet she had thought she lost, washed up onto the shore. She clutched it in one hand and his hand in the other. With him, she felt like she could fly.

~*~

"**H**oly shit!" Angela squeaked out.

Bella had skipped over the nitty gritty details, but it was enough to send her best friend into a state of amazement.

"You almost died! And then your first time? All in one day! Wow!" she huffed, then rolled her eyes. "My first time was in the back of a Buick LaSabre and it was parked in front of my parents' house!"

She rolled her eyes and drained the last of her beer. It was late, but she didn't want Bella to stop talking.

"So was it like that every time?" She asked, a little annoyed.

Bella sat back and stared distantly, a sad smile on her face. "It was. Every time… just amazing. And we were so careful. Except for the first time, we were safe."

She got up and faced the window, looking out to the darkness, searching for the moon. "But little did we know that it was too little, too late."

She stared down at her hands. "A month later, I peed on a little white stick and two blue lines came up. Pregnant. From that first time on the beach."

Angela was silent. She had been expecting this part of the story to come out eventually. The pictures of the ultrasound that she had come across in the little black box flashed through her mind. Baby Boy Black. She swallowed hard and joined her friend on the edge of the bed.

"Bella, where is he? Where's the baby?"

**Songs that inspired this chapter:**

"**Yellow" by Coldplay**

"**Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright**

"**Monuments and Melodies" by Incubus**

"**Colorblind" by Natalie Walker**

**Is this story messing with your mind yet? Haha! It's definately messing me up! I may need therapyt afterwards! **

**OK, I don't have a preview for you this week, but with more reviews, I'll be motivated to get the next chapter out quickly! Thanks! Also, check out the "Colorblind" video on YouTube to get a sense of where the story is heading. Plus it's one of my favorite songs ever, definately the theme to A & E. :) Thanks loves!**


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hi everybody, a 5000 word treat for being so late in posting this. Have a great holiday and leave me a review…what do you think will happen? What do you want to happen? Leave a review, even just to say hi! I love all of them!

**Chapter Seven - Be My Baby**

**A** rapt knock at the door stirred Bella from her reverie at breakfast that morning. She opened the door, still in her robe and slippers. A perky, familiar face met hers: Alice…. an hour early for Charlie's therapy appointment. Her former friend smiled wide and clutched Bella in a quick hug.

"Alice! The appointment is not until nine!" Bella said as Alice released her.

Alice stepped back and appraised her quickly, giving a quick disapproving frown that Bella did not miss.

"I know! I was a bit excited! Thought we could catch up a bit before I work with your dad. Sorry, should have called, but you know…"

Alice ushered herself in the door as Bella held it wide. Alice had picked up the newspaper off the driveway and dropped in on the kitchen table as she made her way to living room.

"Charlie's still sleeping?" She asked as she offloaded her large duffel bag onto the floor.

"Yes, and Angela is in the shower. She's my friend from Seattle." Bella said adjusting her robe. She felt a little shabby in Alice's presence…perfectly pressed slacks and blouse, immaculate makeup and coifed hair.

"Oh," Alice said looking off into the distance. "Well, if you ever need more help, just call and I'm here."

Her voice was a bit said. Perhaps she was reminiscing about one of their last times together. Bella thought back to the last truly memorable event that they shared together. It was prom, junior year…

She thought back to that night as her old friend unpacked her therapy tools and Bella excused herself to get ready for the day.

~*~

**A**lice stood at the doorway admiring her work. _So far, so good, _she thought to herself.

The silver and gold streamers hung artfully from every corner of the gazebo offset by a dazzling array of twinkling stings of lights. The night air was cold and wet, but the inside of the small inn was warm. She felt a strange sense of someone watching her and sure enough when she turned around, Bella was there.

"Hi," Bella said sheepishly.

Alice crossed her arms. Prom was only a few hours away and she didn't want to get into it with her again.

"What do you want Bella?"

Her friend slowly came closer, averting her eyes. "I'm sorry about the fight Alice. I didn't mean for it to go like that."

Alice nodded stiffly.

"It's okay," she said as she gathered supplies to take back into the inn.

"It looks beautiful, Alice. You still need help?" Bella asked softly.

Alice sniffed and thought about that for a moment. She quickly handed Bella a roll of streamers and tape.

"Sure. The railings and doorways need to be done," she said and led the way inside.

Bella got started and they worked in silence for a few minutes.

"So are you coming tonight?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, but you'll be happy to know that Jake isn't coming. He had to drop his dad off at some meeting in Seattle."

Alice bristled a bit, but then relaxed into a small smile. "Bella, it's not about Jacob Black. Well, okay maybe it is a little bit. But, it's less about that and more about you not telling me things. I just feel left out of your life right now."

Bella stopped winding the streamers and looked at her friend. "I'm sorry Alice. About how it all went. I wanted to tell you so many times about him. I think you would really like him."

Alice huffed, "Maybe."

"I'm in love with him Alice. He's my world, my sun."

Alice was staring at her in disbelief. She walked over to Bella and placed her hands over Bella's and squeezed gently. "Really? You're in love?"

Bella nodded emphatically. "Yes. And he feels the same."

Alice looked at her, surprised and then smiled slightly. "Well, you do seem happy. Does he make you happy?"

"Yes! I've never been so happy in my life! I want you to meet him, Alice!" Her voice was thick with emotion.

Alice gave a small smile and wrapped her arms around her friend in a hug. "Ok."

They continued to decorate in amiable silence and Bella felt a little tug at her heart. She would miss Jake tonight, but she wanted to make it up to Alice. Besides, she had the dress and everything. She was going with the "just friends group" of Eric, Ben, Jessica, Mike and Lauren. She wasn't really close to any of them, but they seemed excited to go with her. Oh well, it was best to just get it over with.

As they finished hanging the final strand of lights, Alice came up and thanked her. "So Bella, did you want to get ready at the inn? I have all my stuff here and I could help with your hair if you would like."

Bella smiled, her heart soaring. She had her best friend back. "Sure, let me run home and get my stuff."

She picked up her dress and shoes from the house and hustled back to the inn. Amazingly, Charlie and Renee had given her no curfew, only a "Be safe" warning as she headed out the door. However, she knew that this probably had something to do with Jake not being around and the very prosperous weekend her mother's last few paintings had bought them. She had only seen him once since that day at the beach over three weeks ago. Alice had helped her pick out the dress almost two months ago. It was backless and a deep shade of blue. She wasn't sure about it at first, but the shade did compliment her skin and hair.

Alice was mostly dressed when she arrived at the inn and some of the committee was there making final touches to the tables under her strict direction. Bella stood at the doorway and smiled at the scene of her tiny best friend directing senior girls to tasks. She was the only one in her class that could get away with it! She looked stunning too in a flowing silver gown that barely grazed her slim ankles. She flitted around the room and Bella thought she looked like a little, silver fairy… just missing the wings.

"Bella! You aren't dressed yet?!" Alice practically screeched from across the room and came rushing over.

"Come on, we have to get you ready!"

Bella emerged from Alice's bathroom an hour later, make-up immaculate, dress and heels on. She felt like a poodle.

"Alice, I don't know! My hair has glitter in it! Glitter! This is just so not me!" She exclaimed pulling a perfectly curved curl from her crown and examining it.

"Shhhh! Stop picking!" Alice scolded and slapped Bella's hand away from her hair. She coated Bella in another layer of hairspray and stood back. "You look so gorgeous!"

Bella stood slowly and examined the finished product in the mirror. She barely recognized the girl staring back, dressed to the nines in the midnight blue backless gown and a full three inches taller thanks to some borrowed shoes from Alice's expansive shoe collection. Her grandmother's diamond drop earrings glimmered in the bright fluorescent lights of the bathroom and Bella was thankful that there was something on her that was the least bit familiar and it comforted her.

"Ready?" Alice held out her hand and Bella made her way, a little wobbly at first, to her radiant best friend.

"I suppose."

They walked down the lit staircase and through the balloon arch at the bottom. Bella felt a bit uncomfortable and noticed that there were many eyes on her. Most of her classmates had arrived during the time she had gotten ready and were gathered around the tables, waiting for the music to warm up. She put her head down a bit and watched her feet carefully as she descended the last remaining stairs. The place was a vision of lights and streamers of gold and silver. Alice had planned every detail beautifully.

Alice patted her hand and Bella nodded, telling her she would be fine. She smiled as Alice made her way into the crowd and found her date, Jasper. Bella looked around and found her small group of friends had arrived and gathered around the punch bowl. Up to no good, she gathered. She quickly crossed the dance floor, cursing the shoes and the dress that made it more difficult to move. She busied herself by taking coats at the front door and avoiding the dance floor and electric beats thumping at her feet. Being in heels was bad enough for the clumsy factor. She didn't need to try and dance too.

"You look extremely excited to be here."

She looked up from hanging a coat and met a set of amber eyes. Edward Cullen of all people was trying to engage her in conversation. His date, Tanya stood behind him looking annoyed.

"Yeah, a thrill a minute here in the coat room," Bella said, trying not to look too surprised that Alice's brother was talking to her, seemingly out of the blue.

To her amazement, Edward didn't move from the half door opening. Instead he chuckled and said "You look good tonight Swan."

Bella dropped the coat she was holding and felt her cheeks redden. "Huh? Yeah? Thanks."

Bella looked up as Edward came into the room. She saw Tanya roll her eyes from the entrance.

She felt his towering presence in the small cramped space and began to panic. _What in the world did he want?_

He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, as if he were nervous. "So why are you in the coat room and not out with your friends?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Cullen. "

She eyed Tanya, who was looking red with anger and then busied herself arranging the coats and carefully writing down the tags numbers next to the names. Really she was trying to avoid the beautiful eyes of the asshole in front of her. He must have an ulterior motive for being so nice…

"I actually hate dances, I'd rather be in here with you," he said quietly and she finally met his eyes. The intensity in them instantly made her uncomfortable.

"Well as you can see, I'm handling it by myself just fine," she said coolly. "Besides, I think your date is about to ditch you. You should go."

He nodded and smirked a little, causing the fire of a past crush to burn in her stomach. She felt guilty and pushed the feeling away, but didn't every girl in Forks have a crush on Edward Cullen at some point?

"Yeah, okay. Save me a dance then Swan?"

"Um, sure," she said after a pause.

She wasn't quite sure why she agreed, but the words came out anyway. Edward had this effect on her for many years, rendering her speechless with a simple sideways glance or a twitch of his lips. She watched as he sauntered off onto the dance floor and he turned back to look at her again. She quickly jerked her head down. _Damn him_.

A few minutes later, the coats were neatly hung and labeled and her friends had asked her many times to come out to dance. The party was in full swing now and she could even admit to herself that she was growing quite bored. Alice popped her head through the half-door.

"Get your ass out here and show off that gorgeous dress of yours," she commanded, hands on hips. It was the Don't-Even-Bother-Saying-No look.

Alice grabbed Bella's hand and before she knew it she was in the middle of the crowd as the beat to MGMT's "Electric Feel" caused her to finally let her body loosen up. Mike was the first one to swoop in for the first slow song. He held her a little too tightly and she saw Jessica give her the death stare from across the room. His breath smelled strongly of whiskey as he breathed the words to "You Look Wonderful Tonight" into her ear. It was sloppy and typical Mike. She laughed and when he held up the small silver flask to her lips, she glanced around and shrugged, taking a deep gulp of the burning liquid.

"That's my girl Swan!" He shouted and she laughed, trying to shush him at the same time. He held up the flask a second time as the song wound down and she accepted it.

_Oh, what the hell_, she thought. She was missing Jake badly, seeing all of the tangled up couples and she wished to numb the pang of longing a little bit.

A few more dances and drinks of odd tasting punch later, Bella was feeling the shyness disappear. She turned and rocked her hips to song after song, letting them take her away. She twirled right into the arms of Edward Cullen as Seger's "We've Got Tonight" came on. She opened her eyes in surprise and saw that he was looking at her intently. One of his hands gripped hers and the other he placed low on the exposed skin of her back. He steadied her, bringing his body close to hers.

"Gorgeous, even when you're smashed," he said into her ear. She felt the burn of red cheeks.

"'m not smashed!" She protested, but he only held her tighter and laughed. As they spun around the room, she faced him. "Why aren't you your usual, asshole self tonight Cullen?"

He smiled his beautiful smile and tossed his head back and laughed at her boldness.

"I like this side of you Swan. Balls out and all."

He twirled her slowly and brought her close again and she could smell his aftershave. _Did he have to smell so divine?_ He bent down and his nose grazed her cheek. She felt the tickle of his breath in her ear.

"Maybe tonight, I realized that I've been horrible all of these years to a wonderful, beautiful girl, that has been nothing but nice to me. Maybe, I feel like I've been unfair and judgmental to her and for that, maybe, just maybe, I feel sorry."

His warm lips brushed across her temple and she closed her eyes to the sensation. Her heart catapulted into overdrive and before she could heed the caution sirens in her head, he was tipping her chin upwards, his eyes lowering, zeroing in on her lips. She abruptly put her hands up to his chest and gave a small shove.

"Edward don't! I'm dating someone!"

He only smirked and took her by the hand again. "My apologies, I didn't know. Who's the lucky guy?"

"You know as well as I do that I'm dating Jacob. Your sister isn't that good at keeping secrets."

He gave her a smug look and she reluctantly let him guide her across the floor, and she saw someone bolt out the door. She couldn't quite make out the person in the flashing lights, but he was tall and had distinctly long hair…_Jacob?_

Alice then came suddenly tearing across the dance floor. "Edward Anthony Cullen! You will not take advantage of 'Tipsy Bella'!"

Alice grabbed Bella's arm and tugged her toward the outskirts of the dance floor and away from her twin. Edward gave his sister an angry glance and retreated back to the punch bowl.

"Um, Bella?" Alice turned the disoriented Bella, so that she was facing her. "Normally, I would be happy about you playing kiss and make up with my brother, but you are pretty shit faced right now. Besides, you have a very hostile boyfriend outside that just saw this little charade. You might want to talk to him before he disfigures someone!"

Bella broke free of her friends grasp and shot out the side door onto the veranda, where she found Jacob seething in anger. He was wearing a tux, his tie hung loose around his collar. A dozen roses lay on the ground next to him. He was in the process of taking off his coat and pushing up the sleeves of his crisp white shirt. He looked like he was getting ready to brawl.

"Jake!" She said rushing to him. "What are you doing here?"

"What am _I_ doing here Bella? Sorry to interrupt your elite social gathering. I came to surprise you, but I guess I'm the one surprised right now. Who's the pale-faced freak that's trying to kiss my girl, huh?"

Bella reached out and he pulled away, not looking at her. His hair was tied back and she could see the angry clench in his jaw.

"Jake, I'm just happy to see you! And like I would let Edward Cullen of all people kiss me! No chance in hell!"

He stood, towering over her. "But you let him dance with you and touch you and see you in _that _dress?"

He shook his head, and started for the door. Bella felt the wetness gather in her eyes.

"It was just a dance!" she said, the softness in her voice gone.

"And look at you Bella!" he said, turning on her suddenly. "You smell like your dad after a poker night!"

Bella felt the heat of anger rise to her face but it was quickly eclipsed by the sudden need to retch. She flew to the near by railing and vomited over it into the azaleas below, poor things. Jake was behind her in an instant, holding her curls back. After she was finished she slumped next to the railing and Jake left for a moment and came back with a glass of water. Most of the anger had diminished from his eyes and he took her into his arms. She sipped the water as her stomach calmed slightly. She looked up and met his black eyes that shone in the illumination of Alice's twinkle lights.

"I'm sorry!" They said it simultaneously and laughed.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "You okay?"

Bella nodded and reached down for her purse and took out a key.

"Take me upstairs?"

He looked at her warily, but gathered her up in his arms and headed for the stairs on the outside landing. He ascended the stares with ease and when they reached the top, she asked to be put down. He obliged and she led him by the hand to her half of the two joined private rooms that she was sharing with Alice that night. The sounds of the party weren't letting up any time soon, but it would be quieter in her room and she would get a chance to be alone with him for once. Surely Alice would understand her absence.

Once inside the doors, she headed for the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Jake leaned outside the door.

"So what's this? A room to yourself? How did you manage that?"

Bella gargled and spit again, satisfied that she could no longer taste vomit. She felt much better.

"Alice got it free and gave me the extra room. The other one is for her and, uh, Jasper. Yeah, I think that's his name. Her flavor of the month."

She exited the bathroom, no longer as wobbly, and went to lock the doors. Jake was still standing nervously by the window, shifting his weight.

Jake laughed and shook his head. "And your parents thought this was okay?"

Bella sat on the edge of the large king sized bed and started taking off the high heeled death traps.

"Mom sold five paintings this weekend and booked four more galleries. She's in seventh heaven and you know dad. He's happy when she is. They let me go without curfew. Of course knowing that you were gone probably has something to do with it."

He frowned slightly at that, but seemed to push it from his mind. He crossed the room towards her and she rose to meet him on her tiptoes, putting her arms around his neck.

"Jacob, I've missed you."

She began to kiss his neck and underneath his jaw. He shuddered, and she felt him start to breathe a little heavier. His hand moved gently to her back and she welcomed the heat to her bare skin. His mouth descended on hers and he moved his hands up to her the sides of her face. His eyes closed and she felt his lips capture hers with urgency.

"What about your party?" He asked between kisses.

Bella reached up behind her neck and with a simple quick movement of her fingers, unfastened the top of the dress. It fell to the floor in a smooth, blue, silken puddle and she stood exposed in front of him in only the tiny scrap of lace that Alice had insisted were panties.

"What party?"

She knew her voice sounded more confident because of the remaining alcohol in her system. She watched as Jake's eyes widened and his jaw tightened in response in seeing her standing in front of him. The look in his eyes told her something. She was the _only_ one and always had been. Now she needed to convince him that this is the way she felt about him too.

"Bella, you've had a lot to drink tonight and I…"

"Shut up and kiss me."

She reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him forcefully into her arms. His mouth crashed into hers and she quickly started to undo the tiny white buttons of his shirt. She pulled the tails out of his pants and pushed it off his shoulders onto the floor. Her hands were all over his chest as he assailed her throat with kisses. She moaned in pleasure as his tongue made a scorching trail to the swells of her breasts. She moved her hands to the clasp on his pants and he drew back suddenly.

"Wait!" He rummaged through his pants and took out a small black velvet box. "I wanted to do this before we…you know."

He laid her gently back onto the bed and he wrapped his shirt around her shoulders, covering her up again. She sat up, and crossed her arms in a bit of frustration. Her impatience quelled as he opened the box revealing a tiny gold ring. He didn't wait for her response and she could only hold her breath as he took it out and secured it on the ring finger of her right hand. He knelt before her and kissed her palm.

"It's a promise, Bella. That I will marry you someday and we will be together forever. I love you. I've loved you since I can remember. Will you accept this as my vow that we will never be apart?"

She could only nod as her eyes filled and then spilled over. The man kneeling in front of her was all that mattered to her in this life. She would promise to hold on to him no matter what happened…

He kissed her again and she felt herself being pushed back into the bed with determination. He pressed his weight into her, pinning her to the bed. He whispered fiercely into her ear.

"I love you…you are mine… mine alone, now and forever…"

He was quick to finish undressing himself and he pushed the shirt away and tore the panties from her body. No sooner were her legs parted, when he thrust himself inside her with one quick, hard movement. She gasped loudly in surprise, not because she wasn't ready for him, but because the gentleness seemed to be gone from his voice and now his actions as he stroked hard and deep into her. His hands held her wrists above her head. She couldn't move even if she tried…not that she wanted to. Jacob's rough movements brought her closer to the brink of ecstasy and she brought her hips up to meet his.

"I'm yours! Jacob! I'm yours!"

Her nails dug into his back and she was sure she drew blood. It was in response to the bruises he was sure to have left where his hips had been colliding with her inner thighs over and over again. She cried out from the intensity of it, where the pain gave way to unrelenting waves of pleasure.

"Oh God! Jake! Please!"

She felt herself tighten around him and he gave a loud groan of his own release and withdrew himself before he spilled inside her.

He collapsed on top of her and she freed her hands from his grasp so that she could cradle his head against her heart. He sighed heavily and she stroked his hair as they regained their breath. He tilted his head up slowly, meeting her eyes, his black eyes somewhat apologetic for what had just happened. She only smiled at him, letting him know that she was alright.

He roused slowly and gathered her in his arms. He pulled down the covers and sheets and laid her gently beneath them. He positioned himself beside her and pulled the blankets back up. She lay content in his arms for a moment, and then held out her hand to look at the ring.

"Your mother's?"

She felt him shake his head as he kissed the nape of her neck.

"No, I had it specially made. It's gold from a stream that runs through La Push. Besides, I think you are even tinier than my mother," he said circling her wrist with his fingers, dwarfing her once again. She turned, so that their bellies were pressing together.

"Jake…you don't have to do these things you know? The bracelet, the ring…don't you know that you possess my heart by now? I don't need for you to try and lay claim to me. I've chosen you and only you!"

He nodded and smoothed the curls from her face. "I know that, but somehow subconsciously, I keep telling myself that it's not enough. That I have to do everything I can to keep you here with me. And it scares me Bella! I don't know what I would do if…"

She silenced him with a kiss and took his face in her hands. "You won't lose me. I'm here and I'm madly in love with you! Nothing can stop that."

She rolled herself on top of him, sat up and straddled his hips with her own. Finding him quite ready, she lowered herself onto his length, ignoring the twinge of soreness from before. He closed his eyes and she slowly and steadily moved her herself up and down his shaft, eliciting a deep groan from his lips. He lifted his hands to touch her but she held them back to his sides.

"No way, my turn," she said wickedly.

She gathered momentum, and soon was lost in the feeling of having him inside, her moving according to her will, touching all of the right spots and just the right rhythm.

"Bella! I'm about to…"

"It's okay, I've taken care of it," she said breathlessly, motioning with her head to her purse on the nightstand. The little pink pill compact was peeking out of it. "Sorry I didn't tell you about it sooner. I was kind of lost in the moment."

He grinned, relieved and she started moving again, uniting their bodies again and again. Soon her back arched as her impending release flooded every cell in her body. She would never tire of the sensation of him pulsing inside her, triggering her own climax. She fell to his side, giving an exhausted sigh. As soon as they closed their eyes, they slept till morning.

**B**ella bolted out of the warm bed and barely made it to the toilet. The dry heaves were horrible. Jake came in quickly, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Bells? You sick again?"

She nodded and he knelt beside her, rubbing her back.

"God! It's the fourth time I've thrown up this week!"

She sat back against his chest and he held a cool washcloth to her brow.

"Did you eat something funny?" he asked, trying to hide the concern.

"No, I don't think so. It's usually been happening before I eat anything at all! I just wake up and get these nasty dry heaves!"

Jake stiffened underneath her suddenly. "Bella, when was your last cycle?"

She turned and looked at him weakly. "I don't know, maybe five or six weeks ago, but Jake, the pills! The pills have this side effect of messing with your cycle. They can cause nausea too, I looked it up! It's got to be that!"

She realized her voice had grown more frantic and frightened with each word. "Jake, I couldn't possibly…it was our first time! What are the chances?"

He shook his head and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'll grab a test from the Quik-Mart and it'll ease both of our minds."

"Okay."

He wrapped his arms tighter around her and she felt better almost instantly.

~*~

_Don't turn blue…don't turn blue…don't turn blue…please!_

They sat in silence on the bed. The little test stick waited for them in the bathroom.

"Well, want me to check?" He asked a little too brightly.

She only nodded tightly, her hands clenched in her lap.

He got up and was in the bathroom for almost a full minute. Bella's heart started to race.

Finally he emerged holding the little white stick… his face unreadable.

"Jake?"

"Bells…I…we…you…" His face was very readable now. Shock, fear, desperation.

He came closer and she grabbed the stick from his hand. Two blue lines. She wanted to run and get the package. No, it couldn't be right. Maybe it was a bad batch of pee? Perhaps she needed to do a few more tests…

She didn't realize that she was shaking her head or crying for that matter. A baby? A baby! She slumped to the floor and it was as if the world around her had disintegrated.

"Bells, we can do this…please!" His voice was thick and she clung to him, letting the sobs overtake her body.

~*~

Angela had finished dressing and was talking to Alice when Bella wheeled her dad into the living room.

"He probably wants me to read the paper and drink some coffee before we start," Bella said as she went to the kitchen to brew a pot.

She grabbed a mug from the cabinet and the paper from the counter on the way back and gave it a quick glance. Her heart stopped when she saw the front page: A photo of a very grown up, serious looking, Jacob Black standing next to the inlet, his arms folded across his broad chest. The Headline read "Black Marina to Bring Prosperity and Ingenuity to La Push".

The mug fell to the floor and shattered as she brought the photo closer and stared. Even through the image was grainy she could still see the sadness in his eyes. A man that had been through too much in his young life. And here she was, the cause of much of it, only a few short miles away from him.

**The Songs that inspired this chapter are included in the story!**

**Please Leave a Review! They are the best Christmas presents!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: Hardest Chapter to write by far. Have tissues handy. To help with the time confusion, when the story changes in time it will be noted by a long sequence of ~*~*~*~*~*~*~..., etc. When the time stays the same, but the story has a break it will be noted by this symbol ~*~. Thanks. Please enjoy and review. Is the story effecting your emotions like it is for me?**

**Chapter 8 - Broken**

**J**ake opened the door of his childhood home.

"Dad?" He called out. But no answer. _Unbelievable. Was the man ever home?_

He pushed the screen door open and stepped inside. It was the first time he had been in his father's house for years. The smell of wood smoke and pine was comforting. He glanced around the kitchen and went to the fridge to check out if his dad had brought any leftovers from Sue's party last night. He pulled out some chicken and thought about reheating it, but ended up setting it down on the counter because the pocket of his jeans was vibrating. A text from Leah.

R U COMING 2 THE FALL FEST WITH US? ALL OF US R GOING! TEXT ME!

He sighed. Had it been a mistake to give her his number? The jury was still out on that one. He shrugged to himself as his fingers fumbled over the tiny cell phone's keyboard.

SURE, MEET U 8 BY THE AUTO SHOP

His thoughts flickered momentarily to Leah. What wasn't there to like? Beautiful? Check. Fun? Check. Handy in the garage? Maybe?

Tools! That's what he could get while he was here. All of his old tools were still locked up in the old shed behind the house. He walked out the back door of the house to the dilapidated structure and searched for the key under the rock near the shed door. Not there. He went around the back and discovered a large pile of things covered in a green awning. Curious, he tore the cover from it, shocked to see his boat still in the same condition that he left it in five years ago. There was a large cardboard box inside it and he opened it hesitantly. It was the last thing on his mind for some reason, but how had he forgotten?

The slats of the crib were still unsanded, but for the most part, he had finished it. How tiny it was, not so much a crib, but a cradle made of pine and cedar. He reached for it and lifted it out into the light. The side was etched:

"To my son, Love Dad."

He ran his thumb over the words and squeezed his eyes shut, but it was too late. He let out a choking sound as he fell to his knees and sobbed remembering that moment in time that would gnaw at his soul forever...

* * *

Jacob traced his fingertip along the roundness of her belly and smiled when she turned to look up at him from the examination table.

"Excited?" Bella whispered, her eyes shining in the darkness.

He nodded. The truth was, it had all been a whirlwind up until now and the excitement hadn't stopped, even for a moment. Bella hadn't been sick that long in the beginning, and she was barely showing now at eighteen weeks, but it seemed like everything was surreal and even magical at times. The growing swell of her belly and breasts, the fluttering of his child's limbs inside of her, and now they were at the moment where he was about to see the tiny face he had been imaging since the beginning. Where had the time gone?

Jake would never forget the moment when he heard it for the first time. _WahWahWahWahWah. _The sound of a tiny, whooshing heart, so strong, he thought. That is when the world tilted on its side and both of them fell into the abyss of love for the baby.

No one knew about it yet, but it was obviously getting more difficult to hide. They had both decided that they were telling their parents this week during the Thanksgiving break of Bella's senior year, and had been preparing themselves if things went badly. Jake had saved every penny of his car-fixing fund, and Bella did the same from years of working at Newton's Sports. They would have enough to get a place of their own if need be, and Jake could fix cars while he went to school. The plan was in place and their love grew right along with the baby.

The room was dark and there were posters of womens' reproductive organs and birth control on the walls. The technician leaned toward them and smeared some clear blue goop on Bella's belly. She placed the ultrasound wand on the surface of the skin and pressed lightly. There it was. _WahWahWahWahWah. _Strong as ever. Bella's eyes met with his and they smiled, his hand squeezing hers.

"There's the heart," the technician spoke softly as she moved the probe. "The lungs, brain, everything looks good."

Jake let out the breath he had been holding, now relieved.

"Would you like to know the sex? I've got a great view," the technician said.

"Um, yeah. We both decided we would like to know," Bella said softly. Her eyes brimmed with excitement.

"Well," she said turning the monitor. "It's definitely a boy. I'd bet my paycheck on it!"

There on the screen was their perfect baby boy; showing off what God had given him, clear as day.

"I think he had convinced himself it was a girl," Bella said giggling at Jake's gape-mouthed expression. He could only shake his head in amazement. A son. His son. Right there on the tiny screen. Healthy and thriving.

The doctor came in the door and looked at the screen. "I can tell from here!" he laughed. "Congrats, he looks beautiful."

The doctor took the wand from the technician and probed a little further over Bella's belly and stopped for a moment, holding the wand in position. His smile faded a little.

Bella shook her head slightly. "What is it, Dr. Richards?"

The kindly, grey haired doctor gave his best smile of reassurance. "Oh, nothing of great concern right now, Bella. Your placenta is very low and I'm afraid that it's starting to cover the opening of the cervix. Something called placenta previa. It's not uncommon, but if it remains in that position, we might have to remove the baby surgically when the time comes."

Bella nodded, clearly worried and Jacob put an arm around her as the doctor continued.

"Also this means that there could be bleeding and you need to go to the emergency room if that occurs. Activity should be minimal and nothing should enter the vaginal canal. No intercourse."

He came closer and patted her arm. "Bella, everything should be fine with frequent monitoring, but I do recommend that you inform your parents as soon as possible, just in case something was to happen at home."

"We were planning on it doctor, thank you."

They were left alone with the pictures of their son and Bella couldn't help but break down.

"Bella, I'm going to take care of you and the baby. Please don't worry honey," Jake said as he caressed her abdomen.

She nodded and pulled down the baggy shirt.

Jake tore one of the profile pictures from the strip and tucked it in his wallet. He put the rest in the purse and they left the clinic in a somber mood.

~*~

Bella looked as radiant as ever. She was dressed sweetly in a white wool coat and mittens, her mahogany hair flowing down her back. He drew in his breath at the sight of her. He had never in his life beheld a vision as beautiful as she was right now. He held out his hand to steady her on the icy path to his car and couldn't resist kissing her, long and lingering on her rosy lips.

They would make the journey out to his dad's today to tell him about the baby, and Bella's face was flushed with nervousness. Jacob held open the door for her and she stepped in the car quickly, grateful for the warmth.

There was an amiable silence in the car as they rode to La Push. Bella's parents would be home later that night and they would go in together to tell them the news of the baby. For Jacob, any thoughts of fear were banished long ago, replaced by his unrelenting protectiveness of Bella and his son. He was beyond caring what her parents would think of the whole situation. Bella was well past eighteen and he was nearing the end of his seventeenth year as well. The truth was, they were ready to live alone and raise their child, no matter what it would take. He had never been so sure of anything in his life.

He steered the car carefully onto the old county road that led to La Push. The roads were slick on this uncommonly cold November morning and his hands gripped the wheel tightly. The trees sparkled with ice and freshly fallen snow. Beautiful.

"Jacob, look," Bella said, breaking the silence. She was pointing out her window toward the sideline of the woods they were passing. A family of deer stood in a small clearing. The buck and his doe and a small fawn on its wobbly little legs. Jake pulled the car over so they could get a closer look.

"Hold on, I want to get a shot of this." Bella rummaged in her bag and pulled out her camera. She opened the car door and before Jacob could object, she was creeping closer through the snow toward the deer.

"Bella! Come on back here honey! They're moving to the meadow," Jacob called and he started to get out of the car.

"Jacob, hush! You're scaring them!" She whispered. She moved farther into the wooded area, camera in one hand and the other on her belly.

He leaned against the car and watched her. His stubborn Bella.

Her feet were slipping against the fallen tree limbs hidden in the snow and that's when it happened. If only he had been there and she wouldn't have fallen. He could've prevented everything from falling apart…

* * *

Bella looked at her dad. A few days of therapy with Alice had done wonders for her him already. He could hold his head up pretty steadily now and Alice had him working on his grasp of his left hand. Bella was pleased, but nothing could settle her mind about seeing Jacob's photograph and article in the paper. She wanted nothing more then to run back to Seattle and hide in the comfort of her life there. Angela had gone back during the week to work. She would be back during the weekends, but Bella couldn't stand being cooped in the house for so long. She felt terrible. It's not like Charlie needed her every minute, but she felt guilty even going to the store for groceries. Alice had offered to stay at the house past the appointment time, and Angela had too. But she couldn't do that. Charlie was _her _dad and she would take care of him. She had completely pushed the thought from her brain until Edward called.

"Bella, hi. Long time since we've talked, I know." His voice sounded tired. "Look, I don't mean to call you out of the blue, but Alice has told me about your situation and that you're a nurse. The truth is, dad and I could really use your help down at the clinic. We are really short on nurses."

Bella pictured his face, maybe lined with the stress of studying medicine, if his green eyes were still as vivid and what he might look like in a white doctor's coat. Alice had said he was halfway through medical school, and now helping his dad in residency at Forks Clinic.

Bella sighed into the phone. "Look, Edward, I would love to help, but I can't leave dad and--"

"I know and Bella I thought of that too. I thought he could stay here in our rehab center for a few hours a day while you're here. Alice would continue to provide the therapy of course. So?"

She paused for a moment, considering it.

"Please Bella, we're desperate for you."

It was the way he said it. It was something in his voice that sounded so foreign. Another reminder of how long she had been away. But there was also a certain amount of sincerity in it as well.

"Yeah, okay. When do you need me?"

She heard him breathe out into the phone. "Thanks Bella. Thank you! Tomorrow? Can you come around ten in the morning?"

"Yeah, sure. See you then."

* * *

"Hurry! She's losing a lot of blood! Son, you can't be in here!" A doctor in blue scrubs was shouting at Jacob.

Jacob tried to push roughly against the barrage of people as they wheeled Bella into the operating room. She was in and out of consciousness, but one of her hands reached for him, the other on her stomach.

"Bella!" Jake shouted as she was wheeled down the hall. Two burly security guards pushed hard against his chest and he tried to push past them.

"Stop! Bella! She wants me to be there! The baby!"

A nurse came up to him. "She's in good hands. Dr. Cullen will do all he can. In the meantime, I need you to calm down and give me some information."

Jacob couldn't think. It had all happened in such a quick instant of time and he couldn't keep track of the events. Just blood, so much blood all over the white snow, her coat, her pale skin. He had hurried to get her here and now he couldn't see her when she needed him the most.

His vocal cords didn't work, but he managed to move his head up and down as the nurse guided him to a chair in the waiting room. He mindlessly gave her the information she needed, but he wanted nothing more than to bust down the doors and …what? What could he do? He felt utterly helpless.

An eternity ticked by and all he could do was stare at the clock. One hour. Two hours. Finally by the third, Dr. Cullen emerged, looking haggard. He had taken off his gown, but Jacob could see small spots of blood on the edges of his scrub pants.

"Jacob, Bella is in stable condition, but we couldn't save--"

"No! NO!" Jacob shouted as he charged through the double doors before the security guards could touch him. He ran down the hall, the row of rooms flying by until he came to a halting stop when he saw her.

She was asleep, her eyes closed and oxygen tubing her in her nose. Blood was transfusing into her body through a tube in her arm.

He rushed to her side and put his hand in hers: so cold and paper white. His heart broke even further as he looked at her body under the white sheets, no longer round with life. He bent his head and sobbed.

"Jake?" Her voice croaked, barely audible.

"Bells, you're okay." He looked up at her face and her eyes were fluttering open. She reached up and tore the tubing from her nose and gasped as her other hand found her flat belly.

"Oh God! Jake! The baby! Where is he?"

Jake gripped her hand tightly as he mustered all of the sanity he had left inside of him. He slowly shook his head. "Bells, he was too early… to come out. Only twenty-one weeks. He didn't make it, honey. I'm so sorry."

She shook her head vigorously. "But he was just here, he was doing fine. He was right here, growing and healthy! You saw it! You saw him Jacob Black! Where IS he?"

She started to get up and instantly gasped in pain. A nurse came rushing in followed by the security guards, and worse yet, Charlie and Renee.

"What's going on?" Renee screeched, shoving past everyone and eying Jacob evilly.

"Bella, what happened?" Charlie asked frantically.

Bella sat back into her bed, grimacing in pain. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she turned her face to the window. Jacob couldn't stand it anymore.

"Everyone OUT!" Jacob bellowed. "I'll explain everything later! Can't you see she needs to be left alone for chrissakes?"

It was all that it took. Jacob looked stark raving mad, his chest heaving and his eyes frantic.

"Bella?" Renee asked, her voice softer.

"Leave, please," she said, her voice barely audible. Her eyes never left the window.

Everyone except Jacob backed slowly out of the room. The door shut with a soft "click." Jacob approached her slowly.

"Bells?"

She didn't move. "Jacob, I want to see him."

"Bella, I…"

She turned on him forcefully, her eyes angry, like he'd never seen them. "I WANT TO SEE HIM!"

Her face broke and she leaned back again, shuddering. Jacob felt his heart beat faster, and he nodded.

He robotically left the room and approached the nurses' station where they each eyed him with look of fear or pity.

"We would like to see our son," he said, his fists clenched at his sides.

~*~

Days ticked by slowly as Bella recovered in the hospital. The holidays had slipped by like any other day, uncelebrated and quiet. Bella stayed in her room the entire time and everything was just…broken. She was quiet and thin from days of not eating or sleeping. Her eyes were gaunt. In a month's time she was readmitted to the hospital for psych evaluations and monitoring. Jacob had never felt so totally helpless in his life. He never dreamed a day would come like this, where Bella would lose all hope and close herself off in her own little world.

It didn't help matters that Jacob wasn't allowed to even come close to her. He only saw her in the hospital a few times, and then she would go back to her house. He could count the number of times she spoke to him in the last month on one hand. Jacob had tried everyday to call her or to see her, but it was of no use. She had cut herself off from everything and everyone and all he could do was imagine her suffering from a distance.

Finally, one morning when he knew Renee had left town, he made his way to the house for another attempt. He didn't know if Charlie would let him in, but he didn't care. He would see her and that was that.

Charlie opened the door cautiously and stood in the doorway, his arms crossed.

"Charlie, I need to see her. I need to try and help her."

Charlie shook his head and braced himself more fully against the door frame. "I'm sorry son; she doesn't want to see anyone. Not even you. You need to let her be."

"Please, Charlie, she's not getting any better. Sometimes she'll eat a bit when I'm around and I think we might have made a bit of progress the other day at the hospital."

Charlie looked at him suspiciously. "You know Renee would have you arrested if she found out you came to visit her."

Jacob crossed his arms. "Well, you know how I feel about Renee and her opinions about me."

"Watch it, Jake."

He nodded and gathered his thoughts for a moment. He didn't want to do this the hard way.

"Really Charlie, I need you to put yourself in my shoes for once. The woman I love is suffering and there is nothing I can do. I'm not allowed to see her or speak to her and she is everything to me! Have you never in your life felt that?" He paused, lowering his voice in desperation. "I'm not talking about Renee."

Charlie snapped his head up to meet Jacob's intense gaze. He didn't utter a word, but his face seemed to soften a little. The eyes that met his were Sarah Black's, and Charlie felt his resolve start to disintegrate. He took a deep breath and slowly backed into the doorway, effectively signaling Jacob his silent permission to enter.

Jacob leapt up the stairs. Charlie had been generous, but he didn't know how much time he would have with her. He opened the door to her room and breathed in a quick gasp when he saw her sitting on the edge of her bed. Her quilt was pulled up around her shoulders, but he could still see the boniness of her shoulder blades. She didn't move a muscle when he came around the bed to her side.

"Bells?"

She slowly looked up at him and for a moment there was a flash of a smile and a shine in her eye, but it was gone as quickly as it came. "Jake, hi." her voice said, barely above a whisper.

"Hey honey, I've missed you," he said kneeling beside her. She nodded robotically and averted her gaze.

He picked up one of her hands in his and felt no warmth. Her hand looked like a child's, and seemed almost too fragile to touch.

"Bella, I'm worried about you. You aren't eating or drinking. Can I get you something?"

She said nothing and he didn't want to waste time. He reached down in his bag and brought out a pint of ice cream: Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey. Her favorite. He spooned some into her mouth and she swallowed it slowly, but when he offered her another bite she turned her head. He put it down reluctantly.

"Bells, please. Tell me what I can do. I feel so helpless!" His voice broke and he reached around her frail body, embracing her. Finally her scooped her up and lay her down on the bed and stretched out beside her. Even though she was facing him, her eyes never met his. She was so lost, but Jacob couldn't give up. Not while this might be his only chance.

"Bella, I'd give anything and everything for you, but I won't give up on you. I won't let you do this alone. Remember that day on the beach when I told you this was forever? I meant it and I won't let you down. I'll never stop loving you and I know that you feel it too. It's still in there Bella. I need you to feel it and we'll overcome this together."

His hand reached out to caress the side of her face, but she stopped him and took his hand in hers, then closed it in a fist. He felt her press something into his palm and he opened it slowly, already knowing what was inside. The ring and the bracelet. His brows knit in hurt and frustration when he looked up at her. _Why was she doing this?_

Bella focused in on him. "I can't. I won't ever. I'll always be broken Jacob. Nothing can bring me back. Nothing can fix me now. The sooner you give in to that, the better. The best thing you can do is move on."

"Move on?" Jacob shook his head. "You say that like I'm capable of it. I'm not. I'll never be able to do that. I won't let you bury this. We need each other."

"You're wrong, Jake. I don't need anyone or anything from you. This thing we had," she motioned her hand between the two of them, "it was doomed from the beginning. We missed all of the signs. We continued to go along with it when everything was against us. It was a mistake and now look at what it has cost us. Everything. Absolutely fucking everything."

Her eyes flashed at him angrily. "I wish I had never met you."

The words reverberated in his brain and he couldn't breathe. "Don't say that. You have every right to be angry at me, but--"

"I'm not angry Jake. I'm facing reality here. And the fact of the matter is, when you're gone, maybe I'll get a chance to do this. Maybe I can finally be free of everything and pick up the pieces of what remains."

She got up and went to the window and Jake watched her as she turned away from him. "Maybe one day we will be able to forgive each other, but I can't now. I need you to go."

"Forgive? Forgiveness for what?" He knew there was anger in his voice, but he couldn't help it. "This isn't anyone's fault!"

"Isn't it?" she said softly, her eyes trained on the trees in the distance.

Charlie's voice came from the hall. "Time to go, Jake. Renee will be back soon."

Jake picked up his jacket and bag. "You underestimate my love for you Bella. I know this isn't you. You aren't yourself right now. I get that. If you need time, I'll give it to you. But I won't stop trying."

He stood close to her and brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her temple softly. He backed out of the room slowly, leaving her in the same stance. Before he turned and left, he slammed the jewelry onto her bureau. A sense of darkness descended on his heart at that moment. Little did he know, it was the last time he would see her.

* * *

Jacob punched his hands forcefully through the window of the shed, completely shattering the glass. He grabbed the large tool box from the inside and quickly trudged to his truck. When he got inside the cab, he looked down at his hands, now mangled and bloody.

_Fuck. Well, for every action, there's a consequence_, he thought angrily.

**A/N: *SOBS* Sorry guys! Just as hard for me to write as it is for you to read! Review PLEASE! And Thanks for reading :D**

**This Chapter was inspired by the following songs:**

"**Now Comes the Night" bye Rob Thomas**

"**Endlessly" and "Time is Running Out" by Muse**

"**Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan**

"**Fix You" and "In My Place" by Coldplay**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Okay, a bit of a filler chapter here. But it does have some good bits in it and sets up everything as you will see. ;) Enjoy, and don't forget to review and pass the story along to your friends. Go ahead and print it out and read it under your desk at work. I give you permission. And WOW! 100 Reviews! So awesome! Thanks! And thanks again to my beta Hope Always for editing this super quick so I can get it out to you in record time! Also, check out her story, The Beginning of the End. It's on my faves : )**

**Chapter Nine - Nothing's Easy**

Bella heard Angela let her breath out over the phone, taking it all in. Finally her friend broke her silence.

"Wow, so you just kind of had a mental breakdown. But honestly Bella, who wouldn't?" Angela said on the other side of the line. She was in Seattle, but Bella had still been talking to her everyday, slowly telling her story and now finally she had come out with it all. She felt a sort of bittersweet peace now.

"I know. It was so bad that I barely remember being present those last moments with him. Only that these words were coming out of my mouth and I was so numb to it all."

"I would have never known any of this Bella. No one would have guessed from looking at you that you've been through so much." Angela took a deep breath. "But in a way, it explains so much to me - why you stayed in all of the time, why you never dated or when I mentioned your past, you shut down."

"I wanted to tell you so many times, Ang, but I was so ashamed. It took me up until now to let that go. To let the guilt and pain quit taking over every thought. And just telling you these last few weeks have helped me so much - more than the years of therapy, the medications and even all of life's interruptions. You have no idea how much it means."

"Well, I'm glad you did. What are you going to do now? You know…now that he's there and you're there? What if you run into him?"

Bella groaned. It was all she could think about. What she would say? How she would react to seeing him, if the time came? The thought of it frightened her beyond belief.

"I don't know. I'm hoping that won't happen and it shouldn't. We are miles away in separate towns. I've been so busy at the clinic the last few days and I'm sure he's busy too. The paper said he was just here to get the project underway."

"Bella, you can't avoid him forever. It's been five years. Don't you think he's processed some of this by now? From what you've told me of him, he's been rational and kept on living his life just like you have. There should come a time when you two should talk about what happened, no matter how painful it might be."

"Now is not the time, Angela! And while he was rational, he was also angry. Rightly so! I can barely look at his face in a photo, let alone think about talking to him in person about this! Maybe it would just be better if things stayed the same and--"

"No," Angela interrupted firmly. "Not better, easier."

Bella shook her head and cradled the phone closer to her cheek as she paced the kitchen. After a pause she said, "Well, is that such a bad thing? To want it to be easier? On us both?"

"Look, I'm not a therapist Bella. I can't tell you what to do or what would happen if you did. All I know is that continuing to bury something, while leaving it so broken, can't be good for you. And it will get you no nearer to that closure that you so desperately want."

Bella nodded to herself, knowing Angela was right. She felt wetness in her eyes. "I'm so scared to Angela. How can I dread something almost as badly as I want it?"

"Because nothing worth doing is easy," came her friends reassuring voice. "Call me tomorrow?"

"Yes, after I come home from the clinic."

"Goodnight Bella. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Bella climbed out of the shower slowly and patted her body dry. She tucked the long, delicate gold chain into the top of her scrubs like she always did when she dressed. Hidden and close her heart. She finished getting ready and helped Charlie into the truck.

The drive to the clinic was beautiful, the trees showing off the last of their October colors. She cruised slowly into the medical clinic parking lot and prayed that her day wouldn't be as crazy as the last few had been. She shifted the car into park and went around to help her dad into the wheelchair - a task he was getting more and more independent at.

She gathered his things and wheeled him toward the entrance but he reached out for her before they went in.

"Dad? What is it?" she asked, as she went around the chair to face him. He motioned for her to come down to his level and she did.

Amazingly, he lifted both of his hands and placed them on the sides of her face, which required all of his effort. He pulled her face in slowly and kissed her cheek. And then she heard him. So soft. Barely above a whisper.

"Love. You."

Her eyes widened in amazement and she burst into tears. She clutched him closer and exclaimed, "Oh God! Dad! You spoke!"

He nodded and she hugged him again, unable to hide the pure joy from her face. "I'm so proud of you dad!"

"Proud of what?" Alice's voice said from behind her.

Bella turned and clapped excitedly. "He spoke! His first words!" In a bold move, she crushed her old friend in a hug. "I'm so happy for him, thank you!"

"Don't thank me, he's been doing it all on his own. I've never seen such determination in my life!" Alice's voice was both astonished and pleased. "Nothing worth doing is easy, is it Charlie?"

Charlie shook his head slowly, a faint smile played at his lips.

Bella laughed. "No it's certainly not."

As she entered the clinic, she felt a sense of renewal and strength in her heart. If her dad could speak again after so many months of silence, couldn't she?

Edward met her at the door with a list of assignments. His handsome face lit up with relief. "Oh good! You're here. We're swamped!"

She looked around the waiting room and found that it was mostly full. Great. It was going to be another long day.

She began to triage and group the people according to urgency. Concussion, stitches, ear infections. She drew her finger down the list of people. Ah, one she could take care off quickly. Bee sting. She faced the waiting room and called out the name. "Caleb? Caleb Fisher?"

She looked around the room as a boy and his mother started to approach her. The face was vaguely familiar and the woman was obviously Quileute. The boy had lighter skin and his face was puffed up in reaction to the stings; a bad reaction from the looks of it. She escorted them to the large room and pulled the curtain around the section as they sat down. She removed her clipboard from the sleeve and started to read the medical history.

Kim Fisher. She recognized the name and now the face. One of Rachel and Rebecca's older friends. Pregnant at fifteen. It had been such a horrible ordeal for the tribe when that happened. Bella had been young then, but old enough to remember the shame that swept through the small community of La Push when Kim was found to be with child. Surely she wouldn't remember…

"Bella? Bella Swan?" Kim said looking up from her son.

Bella looked up from her chart shyly. "Uh, yeah. That's me."

"Wow! I didn't recognize you! You're hair is shorter, I think."

Bella cleared her throat and managed her best smile. "Yes, it makes this job a little easier. It can be messy sometimes." She hurried to change the subject. "The chart says your son was stung three times?"

Kim nodded and refocused her attention on him. "Yeah, he's been stung before and it was fine. But he was so swollen this morning, he could barely talk."

Bella leaned in to observe the boy, who couldn't have been more than ten years old. His hair was black and his eyes were a deep brown with flecks of gold. Bella felt her breath catch in her throat. Might this be how her son would look grown up? Not the age, certainly, but the features? Pale skin and dark hair. A perfect combination of light and dark complexions. He was a beautiful boy. She felt her heart pound and she turned to Kim.

"It looks like he's having a reaction. He might be allergic. I'll go and get the doctor and some information for you."

"No! I specifically requested that I see the nurse practitioner, Sue Higgens," she said urgently.

Bella looked at her inquisitively. "Sure, I'll tell her that you're here. Stay put, I'll be right back."

She left the room quickly and made a pit stop to the bathroom. She turned and locked the door. Caleb's face had sent her memory into a tailspin and she needed a moment alone. She needed to breathe. But it wasn't working. She still saw him when she closed her eyes and slid with her back against the door. She saw her son, her baby. The tiny fingers and toes. The frail skin and the small tuft of hair. He was so perfect. Too tiny in Jacobs arms. Too tiny for this world, but perfect. She hadn't expected this memory to surface and it crushed at her soul.

She folded her arms and bent her head into the crook of her arm and left out a loud sob. She did so for a couple of minutes and was interrupted by a knock.

"Bella? You okay?" Edward concerned voice came from the other side of the door. "I saw you run in here a couple of minutes ago and--"

"I'm okay, Edward. Just a little sick to my stomach. I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Okay. You sure?"

Bella got up and splashed some water on her face, which helped. "Yeah."

This was her second breakdown this week. She needed to get it together. After a few minutes her face was less puffy and red, and she went to the medication room to gather some things for Caleb. Then she went back to the curtained-off room.

"Sorry about that. We are so busy! Are you sure you don't want Dr. Cullen to come in here and look at the stings?"

"No!" Kim said suddenly. "I mean no, we'll be fine with the medicine you gave us, thanks."

Bella was confused by the sudden outburst, but continued. "Well, then I'll have the nurse practitioner take a quick peek and she'll give you the prescription. Then you will be free to go. Good luck with everything."

"Thanks, and Bella? You do know that Jacob is back in La Push, right?" Kim asked cautiously.

Bella breathed in quickly and gave Kim a pleading glance. "Please don't tell him that I'm here. He doesn't need to know. At least, not yet."

Kim nodded her head in acknowledgment. "No problem."

"Thanks, I appreciate that." She put the chart down, "Caleb, are you too old for the treat box?"

He shook his head and she saw him smile through the puffiness.

Bella laughed. "Well go help yourself then," she said pointing to it down the hall. Caleb was off like a rocket.

Bella settled herself against the counter, facing Kim. "Kim, can I ask you something personal?"

Kim lifted her eyebrows warily. "Yeah, I suppose."

"What happened when you were fifteen? I mean I know you had Caleb, but you were an honor student and so active in sports and the community. Then you just disappeared."

Kim stiffened at Bella's inquisition. She had touched a nerve.

"Just like you, Bella? You just disappeared too five years ago. Where did you go?"

Bella chewed on the end of her pen as she considered telling Kim the truth. She settled for a half-truth. "To Seattle. My mom wanted to be closer to the galleries and my dad--"

Kim laughed loudly. "Bella, give me more credit then that. You and Jacob were inseparable. He was devastated when he showed up to your house one day and everything was gone. No letters, no phone calls. You just left. I've never seen a guy so broken in my life!"

Bella pressed her lips together nervously. She didn't think the conversation would be going in this direction. "I had my reasons. I was going through something."

"Well I was going through something too. I was practically forced from the only home I loved because they all thought I was some slut. And then when the baby was born, half white?" Kim shook her head angrily glaring at Bella. "As if it was my fault!"

Bella ran her hand through her hair. "Wait Kim, so what are you saying? You were forced?"

"Shhhh! Not so loud. Coming here was my last resort to get Caleb his medicine. I don't want the Cullen's to know I'm here."

"Why? What is it about the Cullen's? What do they have to do with this?" Bella asked quickly.

"To do with what?" Caleb said from behind them, re-entering the room.

Kim straightened her back and gave Caleb a nervous smile.

"Nothing sweetie, it was a long time ago. Is that all Bella?" Kim asked, her eyes pleading.

"Yes. I'll try and get the NP to see you next, okay?"

Before she left she glanced down at the chart quickly and saw that the father's side was left completely blank. She did some calculations in her head. Edward would have been her age at the time of Caleb's birth, (eleven) same as Alice. But Emmett would have been… sixteen. She thought hard about that point in time. Emmett had been gone most of that summer and she remembered that the Cullen house had been fighting with each other daily. Whenever Bella came over, they would go back to their quiet corners, but tension was high. What had gone on? She thought hard. Emmett had been going to La Push. Esme and Carlisle had been upset about it. Telling him to leave the girls there alone. That they weren't good enough for him.

Bella drew in her breath quickly, fitting the pieces of the puzzle together in her head. It seemed only too obvious. Emmett was Caleb's father.

Bella groaned as she sat down for the first time in hours in the employee lounge. Alice had taken her dad home and was watching over him while she stayed over and helped. It had been a long and exhausting day. Her mind was overtaken by thoughts of the Cullen's and Kim.

What had happened? Did Alice or Edward know about it? It seemed unlikely that a secret that devastating would have been spread, even to the other Cullen children. Carlisle was very good at keeping things confidential. It was precisely the reason why only Jacob and their parents knew about losing the baby. Something this big would surely crumble a family and would have forced them to leave. Instead Emmett had tried to hide it the best he could and try to place all of the blame on Kim and her large Quileute family. He essentially had brainwashed his siblings into thinking that the native people from La Push were scum of the earth.

On the inside, Bella seethed, angry at the situation. Angry at Emmett and everything that had happened - going to such extremes as trying to shove the people off their own land. He was pathetic. Her thoughts were interrupted by a voice.

"You look tired and it's totally my fault."

Bella smiled and turned to see Edward holding a cup of tea out to her. "You look like you could use this."

She took it gratefully into her cold hands and he smiled as he looked down at her. "Can I join you?"

She patted the seat next to her and he sat down. He took a sip of his own tea and his eyes caught hers over the cup.

"So can I ask you what happened today? I know you were crying in the bathroom, Bella."

She shook her head, embarrassed. "It was nothing, just stress."

He nodded. "Happens to the best of us. I was just worried. You want to take the next few days off? We'll try and manage without you."

She shook her head and they sat in an awkward silence before he spoke again. "Alice says your dad is doing well and that she thinks he'll be able to walk with a walker soon."

"Yeah, she's been amazing. I don't know what I would have done without her!"

He smiled that thousand kilowatt smile of his. "Well, I think you're amazing. Taking all of it on after you've gone through so much. You're an amazing woman Bella."

Bella knew Edward had no knowledge of the baby; he was talking about her mother and everything else. Still, the way his eyes held hers, it seemed like he knew there was more to it then that.

He reached out and touched her hand and she flinched slightly, but he didn't seem to notice. She hadn't meant to. It had just been so long since a man had touched her.

"Thanks," she said finally and withdrew her hand slowly from under his. "I only do what anyone would in my position."

"You really need to give yourself more credit." He smirked and shook his head, the light reflecting off of the perfect coppery strands. "And you need to get out there and have fun once and awhile."

"Ha! Yeah. Out on the town, in the huge city of Forks," she laughed.

He sat, up and scratched the back of his neck a little nervously. "Well, about that. Would you want to go to Fall Fest tomorrow night with me? The clinic is usually pretty manageable on a Thursday night. You can bring your friend from Seattle, I'll bring Alice. It'll be like old times."

She looked at him warily. "Like old times? Edward, you never gave me the time of day back in those 'old times'!" She laughed.

He looked sheepish. "Well, it was totally stupid of me then. Please come so I can make it up to you?"

He gave her his best smile and she was done for. "Oh what the hell. Just for a little while though. I don't like leaving Charlie alone for too long."

He leaned forward and squeezed her shoulder. "Good! I'll pick you up around eight?"

She wrote her number on a piece of paper and handed it to him. He got up to leave and made a demonstration of folding the paper and putting it in his wallet, then patting his bottom playfully once it was in his pants.

Bella laughed and waved as he left. She felt her smile falter nervously. What the hell did she just do? Agreed to go on a date with someone she used to loathe? Leave Charlie alone? And wasn't she supposed to be thinking of ways to approach Jacob and talk to him?

_Way to complicate things Isabella. _She could practically hear her mother's voice say.

* * *

_**4 years ago….**_

It had been a year since she had left. Her hands shook as she lifted the phone. She would have to try. If anything, she just wanted to hear his voice, even if it was angry and full of hate. The phone rang a few times and Billy picked up.

"Hello?"

"Billy, it's Bella."

A long pause went by before the old man spoke. "Isabella Swan. How are you? How is your family?"

"We are doing fine. We live in Seattle now, but I'm sure dad has told you that. He says he's been by a few times?"

Billy chuckled lightly. "Yeah, can't keep him away for too long. Too many fish to catch."

Another bout of silence. "Is he there, Billy? I wanted to talk to him."

Billy sighed deeply. "No, he's gone. He's in California on scholarship. Engineering. Couldn't be prouder."

Bella's face crumpled and she bit back the tears that threatened to surface. So Jacob had done it. He had gone on with his life and his future was every bit as big and bright as if nothing had happened. He had proven everyone wrong - Alice, her mother and even his own tribe. But Bella herself wasn't surprised in the least. She had known all along he was destined for greatness with all of his talents.

"Well, that's wonderful. You don't have to tell him I called…in fact, don't? I don't really know why I did," she said, her voice choking with emotion.

"Bella, he's tried so many times to contact you. And Charlie won't tell me anything. I think it would be really good for you two to talk."

"Please…no. Not right now. I-I just wanted to know where he was and what he was doing."

Billy's voice cut in. "Don't you think he deserves to know the same about you?"

"Yes. But can you just tell him that you heard if from my dad? I just don't want to bother him and disrupt anything. He's got so much going on…"

Billy let another deep sigh into the phone. "Whatever you wish Bella."

It was too late to apologize now.

"Thank you."

_Click._

* * *

Bella was finishing up some charting when Edward entered the small office. It was late and the clinic was closing for the night.

"Bella, you should go home. That can wait till tomorrow," he said with a tired smile.

Bella sighed. "I know, but if I don't finish now, I won't remember what I did. It was _that _busy tonight."

"You work too hard. Do you want to go for a drink or something tonight?"

Bella looked at him surprised. First the invitation to Fall Fest and now this? Seemed like Edward was more than a little interested and she wondered why. She needed some time to think about all of this. She wasn't ready to get involved with him right now. With anyone. Bella almost laughed to herself. Once they went out and he saw how fucked up she was, he would lose interest quickly anyway. Problem solved.

"I think I should just get home to Charlie tonight and give Alice a break," she said not looking up from her papers. She didn't want Edwards's seductive, bedroom eyes to help change her mind.

"That's fine. I'll see you tomorrow though?"

She smiled at him briefly. "Sounds like a plan."

He left quietly, locking the clinic doors behind him. The only noise to keep her company now was the scratching of her pen on the charts, which is why the sound of fists slamming on the door caused her heart to leap out of her chest.

She regained her composure, got up from her chair and went out to the lobby.

"We're closed! If it's an emergency, call 911!" She shouted to the annoyingly persistent knocks at the front door. Whoever it was wasn't letting up so she had no choice but to go to the door.

She made her way through the dark lobby and focused her eyes on the figure outside. He was a big man and she suddenly felt scared.

"Look, you have to come back tomorrow sir. The doctor isn't--" She stopped short and her mouth became as dry as parchment.

Jacob.

**Okay, so some of you saw this coming! Ha-ha! It can't all be suspenseful! Review please! **

**Songs that inspired this chapter include:**

"**Apologize" by One Republic**

"**Audience of One" by Rise Against**

"**Gone Too Long" by After Midnight Project**

"**The Other Side" by David Gray**

**Review!**

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	10. Chapter 10

**A/N; I got the title idea from a reviewer…brilliant, thanks luvstwilight!**

**This will be entirely from Jacob's point of view. The angst comes to a head here, please enjoy. **

**Chapter 10 - Angry Grizzly Bear**

Jacob pulled out of his dad's driveway, squealing the tires of his truck. He had really done it this time.

After punching through the window of the old shed, his dad had arrived home, taken one look at all of the blood and demanded that he go to the clinic - no one on the rez that could fix that many cuts and gashes with proper care.

His father wrapped his hands in dishtowels to stem most of the bleeding and sent Jacob out the door and into the rain. He didn't grill Jacob, or even ask him what happened, and Jacob gave a silent prayer of thanks for that. It was only a few miles to the clinic and Jacob could get there faster if he didn't have to load his father into the truck, so Billy stayed home.

Jacob could still feel some of the glass bits cutting into his skin as he maneuvered the steering wheel and he cursed under his breath in pain.

He swore again when he pulled up to the clinic and realized it was closed for the night. The building was completely dark except for a small window on the side. He didn't see any cars around, but they could be parked in the back lot. Oh well, he would check if anyone was still there and if that didn't work out he would call Leah to see if she could take him to Seattle. God! This whole night was just one big fucking disaster that was getting worse with each passing minute.

He marched up to the awning-covered front door, out of the downpour, and proceeded to peer in. He thought he saw the faintest bit of movement in a back room. Maybe Dr. Cullen was still in? He took both of his hands and pounded on the door with the sides that didn't have the glass shards in them. It was still pretty painful. He saw something move and after he banged on the door a few more times someone finally emerged from the back.

It definitely wasn't Dr. Cullen. A nurse in blue scrubs with dark hair was coming to the door. It was too dark inside the lobby to see any of her features. Great, he probably scared the shit out of her with all of this insane pounding. He heard her muffled voice saying something about calling 911 if it was an emergency. She came closer and he finally saw her face.

Jacob almost fell backward off the stoop. Everything in him told him to run back to his truck. He was fucking hallucinating now. That's how bad it was getting. But then he heard her voice again and saw her slim, pale hand reach for the lock. As she slowly swung the door open, all he could do was stand there paralyzed, dripping with water.

Bella Swan stared back at him, just as shocked.

"Jacob?"

It was her. Her voice as clear as day and her body as tangible as the pavement he was standing on. The air grew thick around them. He realized his mouth was hanging open and he needed to say something. She shook her head at him as if she thought she was imagining him too, but she made her way a little closer.

"What happened to your hands?!" she gasped, looking wide-eyed at the bloody dish towels that covered them.

He had forgotten all about them. He looked at his hands in front him and felt a sense of shame and embarrassment that if she were to see his wounds, she would probably know what he did.

"I-I didn't know. I have to go," he stammered, taking a few small steps backward. He turned and jogged to his truck, scared out of his mind to be anywhere near her. His brain was already on emotional overdrive and he didn't trust himself - better to get the hell out of there - but Bella was running toward him.

"Wait! Jake! I'm a nurse, I can help you!"

He turned towards her again, lifted his head up to the sky and laughed darkly.

"You can help me? Ha! Isn't this the best news of the night?"

She folded her arms angrily. Her hair and her clothes were starting to get wet. He looked at her seriously again. She looked even smaller than he remembered. Not as small as the last time he saw her, but thin nonetheless. Her hair was much shorter too - held back in a ponytail, and with it pulled up like that her eyes looked huge. She was even more beautiful then he imagined she would be. His breath was quick with the shock of seeing her and his heart hammered so hard in his chest, he swore it would burst.

"Jake you obviously need medical attention and I can help you. I'll be quick. Take it or leave it."

He chuckled again at his own luck, shaking his head at no one but himself.

"Yeah, fine," he said reluctantly. He instantly began to chastise himself for agreeing.

She nodded and turned quickly and he followed her into the warm building. She turned on the lamp at the desk and made a quick phone call. They eyed each other nervously as she dialed the number.

"Hi, it's me. Is dad asleep? Oh, okay. I have a patient that came in late, so I'll be a few more minutes. You sure? Thanks so much Alice."

So Alice was looking after Charlie. Well someone should after all of the trouble he's caused, Jacob thought bitterly. She looked at him apprehensively and gestured to the back rooms.

"I'm just going to get some things and I'll meet you in this first room here, okay?"

He nodded and watched her disappear into another room. At least she was down to business and maybe she would just stay quiet. His heart hadn't slowed for a moment since he'd laid eyes on her. He wasn't ready for this. Leave it to coincidence to throw him this curveball. Or was it fate? Either way, he felt trapped by it all. If he wanted to see her, he would have liked it to have been on his terms. Of course, when it came to Bella, nothing was ever on his terms it seemed.

He did find it a bit shocking still that she was a nurse. He remembered how much she despised all things medical growing up, and then after the whole experience in the hospital five years ago… How could she stand to be near a place like this? He certainly couldn't. If he hadn't trusted Dr. Cullen, he would have probably stayed home, picking the glass out of his hands by himself.

He hated the antiseptic smell of the brightly lit examination room - everything in it so sterile and neat. He wanted to take off his rain-soaked coat, but couldn't because of his hands, so he simply sat down in the nearest chair, frustrated and tense.

How long had she been in Forks? Did she know he was here? Was she staying at her old house? The questions bombarded his mind and he couldn't get them to stop. It was a mistake to follow her in here. He needed to go.

As he stood up, Bella came in with an armload of supplies and set them on the tray. She looked at him cautiously and he wondered if she knew how much he wanted to bolt, and yet a stronger, more rational part of him told him to stay. His hands throbbed, reminding him of his purpose.

"Well, can you sit? I can't very well work on you while you're standing," she said, her voice gentle but firm.

He felt a certain powerlessness when his eyes met hers and he hated himself for feeling that way after so long. Her eyes hadn't changed a bit - still warm pools of molten chocolate which he found himself drowning in all over again. He blinked and looked away as he sat down in the chair.

She rolled the tray closer and turned on the bright overhead light. She sat down on the rolling stool and came closer to him apprehensively.

"May I?" she asked, motioning to his "bandaged" hands.

He nodded stiffly, not daring to look her in the eyes again.

"I'll take your jacket off."

She stood up to move closer and his heart restarted its frantic pace. She reached up and pulled the jacket from his shoulders. He let her guide them gently over his arms and then his hands; then she rolled the sleeves of his flannel shirt up over his forearms. Her touch was so soft and gentle, it was excruciating. He let his eyes meet hers for the briefest instant which was a mistake. Her eyes were full of tenderness and care…for him. A rush of longing flooded every cell in his body. How could just the simple act of touching his arms cause such a violent reaction? He wanted to touch her too, almost as much as he wanted to push her away.

Her lips pressed together in concentration as she prepared to examine him. She began to unwrap the blood-soaked towels slowly, and Jacob had to bite down on his lip to keep from hissing in pain. Her hands trembled a little when she saw the mess of blood and glass that marred his hands.

"There," she said, setting the towels aside. "Lots of glass. I'm going to have to remove it. It's going to hurt."

He was glad that she didn't question him further, but just set about gathering the tools she would need. He watched as her hands made quick work with the tweezers, extracting tiny shards from his hands. He felt his stomach roll when he saw the amount of blood coming from a few of the gashes. Jacob cursed inwardly. He couldn't afford to look weak now. The glass made a _plink, plink _sound as she put the tiny bits in a stainless steel bowl.

The silence was strangely pleasant as he watched her work. At times, he would catch a scent of her hair; it smelled the way he remembered it, exotic and flowery. He resisted the temptation to lean closer to see if her skin smelled the same too. Her damp hair was making small tendrils around the nape of her neck and he felt his heart squeeze with desire. How many times had he kissed her there, the tiny place below her ears that made her moan with desire for him? He breathed a large sigh and closed his eyes to her once again. He didn't know how much time had gone by, but the lack of conversation didn't help to speed it up any. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.

"Almost done," came her quiet, comforting voice. After another few minutes she was blotting away some of the blood.

"I'm sorry Jacob, I have nothing for the pain and you need stitches. The narcotics and anesthetics are locked up and Dr. Cullen takes the keys at night," she paused and looked at him intently. "Normally a doctor places stitches, but I've done it quite a few times. It will be painful, but I'm quick."

"Just do it please," he said, grimacing at the idea of more pain, but maybe more for the fact that he was going to be close to her for a while longer, prolonging the torture.

He couldn't help but let out a few low groans of pain as she stitched him up. It was agony. He felt every pass of the needle and thread, and right when he thought he couldn't bear it anymore, she snipped the threads and announced she was done. She had done a remarkable job. He'd had stitches before; these were tiny, straight and meticulously even.

"Thank you," he said avoiding her eyes altogether. He didn't want her to see him like this. Weak and vulnerable. He already hated the fact that he needed her help. He stood to leave and she cleared her throat.

"Jake, wait. I know this has been awkward for both of us, but I would like a chance to talk to you… alone sometime… please. We need to--"

No, this had been enough torture for a lifetime for him. He wouldn't do it to himself any longer. The air gusted out of nostrils angrily, effectively cutting her off.

"We?" he gestured his hand between the two of them, laughing without mirth. "Look, thanks again for doing this, but talking about-- whatever you want to talk about-- count me out Bella. What's done is done."

She clutched the back of the counter she was leaning against for support. The look on her face was easy to read for him. He had seen it a thousand times before--she was losing hope quickly. She nodded sadly, trying to keep it together. Her voice was weak with emotion when she spoke again.

"Jake, I know this is the probably the wrong time, and horrible circumstances, but will you let me apologize and maybe explain some--"

"No!" He forgot about his wounds as his fist collided with the side of the door frame.

"AH! GODDAMMIT!" he cried in pain.

She was by his side quickly, taking his hand in hers. He saw the wet that had accumulated in her eyes. Begging him. Good, let her beg.

Instead she said nothing and his heart fluttered a bit when her soft eyes met his. "Don't re-injure yourself, Jake, I'm sorry I've made you upset."

The touch of her small, delicate hand sent a current through his skin. He wanted to back away from her - to get away from her intoxicating scent, her beautiful sad eyes, the way her body held the familiar curves he could see under her damp scrubs. He turned from her, quickly taking his hand from hers. It was difficult to tear himself away, but his sanity depended on it.

"I need to go."

He fumbled for his wallet and found a few hundred-dollar bills inside. He set them on the counter as he turned and walked through the door.

"That should cover the supplies and such," he growled as he made his way through the lobby.

She let the air out of her lungs angrily. "I don't need your money, Jacob Black!"

"Put it towards charity then!" he yelled as he let himself out of the front door.

He jogged to his truck, letting the cool misty air surround him. It did nothing to calm his nerves though. He muttered harsh words to himself the entire way home, cursing the woman that still held his heart in her tiny hands and cursing at himself for still giving a damn.

**A/N: I totally had to add that last line because Jacob reminds me quite a bit of Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind in this chapter. Ha! Anyway, there was the confrontation. I guess it could have been worse, right? Maybe not… Will Jacob come to his senses a bit and hear Bella out? We shall find out my friends. Next chapter will be longer, promise. Review and tell me what you think! **

**Also, fans of the michstargazer page on facebook got a sneak peak of this chapter, saw some great pictures and even a music video! Join us by searching for michstargazer on facebook and there is also a link on my profile page : ) It's fun!**

**Songs that inspired this chapter include:**

"**Don't Walk Away" by Sick Puppies**

"**Everything to Nothing" by Manchester Orchestra**

"**Forgive Me" by Missy Higgins**

"**Fighting My Way Back To You" by After Midnight Project**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Another event many of you have been anticipating: Forks Fall Fest!!!! Let's see what happens, shall we? As always I want to thank HopeAlways for being my patient, awesome beta and her story is pimp. Check it out!**

Chapter 11 - Showdown

Bella wasn't ready for Edward when he came to the door the next night. She heard the knock from her bedroom and her pulse started behaving erratically. She reached up and pulled the last curler out of her hair and stared in the mirror. She had tried her best with makeup to conceal the puffiness under her eyes, but she still looked like she had been crying all night--which she had been.

Angela had come back early to help her and Alice had stayed with Charlie. The whole Jake confrontation had been horrible and she needed her friend more than ever. Angela thought that things could have been worse, but Bella thought otherwise. What more could have gone wrong?

Bella heard the front door open so she stood hurriedly, took one last disapproving glance at herself, and descended the stairs.

She had no hopes for the night, only that it might take her mind off of Jacob for awhile.

_Good luck with that,_ her conscience told her.

She was wearing a flowery blouse and jeans which she topped off with her favorite purple cashmere cardigan. It was an outfit that had been gathering dust in her closet from home. She lived in the comfort of scrubs and sweats, so this was a little out of place for her.

Edward's eyes told her that he liked the outfit she had chosen. Her hand skimmed the railing helping her balance. She cast a nervous smile at the small group of friends gathered in the foyer. Edward, Alice and Angela: her lifelines to the real world. Charlie was there too, beaming at her.

She had tried to back out of going out when he spoke another couple of words. Just go, he told her with stern eyes. She was nervous to leave him, but promised to only be gone a couple of hours.

"Ready?" Edward held the crook of his arm out to her and she threaded her arm through his slowly. Angela gave her a raised-eyebrows look behind his back and Bella bit her lip to conceal a guilty frown. They walked to Edward's Honda and Angela and Alice took the back seat before she could say anything.

_That's okay girls,_ she thought,_, soon he won't be able to get rid of me fast enough. _

The conversation was light as they drove downtown and Bella couldn't help but think that Edward looked dashing in his cable knit sweater and khakis. The lights of the carnival were on the horizon. Forks' Fall Fest was underway. The streets of the small downtown had been barricaded to make room for the cheap rides and game stands. Ropes of twinkle lights illuminated the gates and lamp posts giving it a whimsical feel, and merry-go-round music and sounds of laughter filled the air.

They milled around the fair, playing dunk-the-duck, pie-throwing at the Forks' High principal in whom Edward got a direct shot, and riding the tilt-n-twirl. Alice and Angela seemed to hit it off quite well, which Bella knew they would. They chatted like they had known each other for years. It wasn't long before they fell back from Edward and Bella, lost in conversation. Bella knew it wasn't on purpose, but she felt a pang of uneasiness when she was alone with him.

Soon Bella found herself swinging in a gondola compartment of the ferris wheel alone with Edward. She looked out at the darkening sky as the wheel started to ascend. She could feel his eyes on her.

Crap. She really should have tried to avoid this situation, but Alice and Angela had conveniently gone hunting for elephant ears, practically disappearing before Bella's eyes.

"Are you enjoying yourself? You seem a little sad," Edward said, concerned.

"Yeah, it's been great. The carnival was a good suggestion. I needed to get out," she said only glancing at him briefly.

"Bella, it means a lot that you came out. Charlie will be fine, if that's what you're worried about."

She nodded in part agreement with his statement, but her mind was elsewhere. She was replaying the night before with Jake in her head over and over again. His face, his presence, his anger and hardness had stunned her. He was so close, but unreachable. It would take a miracle for him to ever to forgive her, she knew that much. She sniffed and wished with all of her heart she could get off of the stupid, never-ending ride. She swore under her breath as the compartment ascended again.

"I'm so sorry about your mother Bella. You've had a lot of memories with her here," Edward said suddenly, sensing her distress.

Could the night get any worse, with Edward reminding her of every additional issue that devastated her? She gave him a hard look.

"I don't want to talk about her… or dad. Edward, you aren't my therapist. Just stop trying."

He sat back shocked. "I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again."

They rode in silence for another rotation. She realized that the atmosphere was getting even more awkward.

"Look, I'm sorry Edward. I guess I wasn't ready for this. I'm a horrible date."

He reached over and took her hand and she stiffened, but allowed him to linger there.

"It's okay and you aren't a horrible date. I had one girl puke on me within the first five minutes of meeting her. Trust me, you're fine."

She laughed and the mood lightened considerably.

"Bella, I would like to ask you one thing though, if you don't mind."

She met his amber eyes and smiled stiffly. "Of course."

"Why did you come back? I mean, you had a great job in Seattle, friends…"

The wind rustled her hair and she tucked it back in place behind her ear.

"Charlie. He needed to come back here. I think it has helped him heal. His whole life was here in Forks. Besides, the lifestyle in Seattle was getting less…affordable," she added vaguely, not wanting to drag her father's name through the mud.

"Really? I mean you guys were so well off. Your mom's gallery - her paintings were remarkable. My own mother tried to buy on auction and it even went beyond what she could afford. Of course her real estate business was tanking by then and we had to sell our own house. I guess our lives are similar that way."

He looked down at his hands a little embarrassed.

"I guess," she said looking far off, trying to catch a glimpse of Alice or Angela. "My mother set aside quite a bit for me when I turn twenty-five. I don't know how much and I don't care I guess. But I know I'll be set for a while, so that's comforting."

He nodded in understanding and his eyes gleamed. "I wish my parents would have done the same, instead of investing in such a shaky market. Oh well, life went on for us."

"Hey I think it's great that you and Alice went to college instead of just living off of your parents' money, like so many kids right after high school. I commend you."

He chuckled and shook his head, meeting her eyes. "I'm so in debt, it's insane. When I look back at my high school life, it seems like such a fairy tale - driving a Volvo, wearing designer clothes, the whole bit. I guess this is the real world huh? Living in an apartment, scraping by."

"Life is _sooo_ terrible," she said and feigned a dramatic sweep of her hand across her brow.

He laughed and playfully swatted her arm. She was glad that the conversation had turned and she thought to herself that maybe she was starting to enjoy his company.

Finally, the ferris wheel lurched to a stop and they exited.

"Do you want to maybe get a bite to eat and try to find the runaway girls?"

"Sure."

They meandered across the small fair, passing the concession stands, until Bella selected the one that seemed the most appealing. Fair food was never kind to her stomach.

A corndog seemed safe enough, and Edward bought two of them. She thanked him and they walked along the perimeter of the fair, eating their fried concoctions.

They kept their eyes peeled for Alice and Angela but didn't spot them so they sat at a picnic table to finish their food and grab a lemonade. Edward seemed a bit uncomfortable as Bella watched him shift in his seat.

"What's wrong, Cullen? Don't want to use the porto-potty?" She laughed.

"No, it's not that, and no, I've never been in one of those, never will," he joined in her laughter and they stood to walk again. The air was chilly and she was grateful for her wool pea coat to keep her warm.

When they got to a more remote part of the fair, Edward turned on her suddenly, wiping his palms on his jeans nervously and brought his eyes to hers.

"I was thinking about the time during our junior prom that I almost kissed you. I was so forward about it."

She blushed slightly. "Yes, you were. And you knew I was dating someone."

He lifted his eyebrows. "That made it all the more enticing."

She didn't respond but shook her head smirking. "He wasn't too pleased."

"I guess I wouldn't be either if you were my girl," he said grabbing her hand. His hand felt neither comfortable nor uncomfortable in hers so she let it be held. She remained silent for a few more steps and they found themselves between the empty tent and Ateara Repair Shop. No one was around.

Edward slowed his steps casually and turned to face her. "Bella, this time I want to do it right. Can I kiss you?"

She swallowed audibly and her mind went blank. She hadn't kissed a man in years, but it seemed way too sudden. He came a bit closer and her pulse drove hard, loud pumps into her ears.

"Edward, I…"

He shook his head, his lips smirking. They were mere inches away from hers.

"Don't reject me again. I don't think my heart could take it."

She felt herself give a surprised inhale the instant her lips met with his and her brain slowed. The kiss was soft and lingering. He ran his hands up her arms slowly and clasped one behind her neck. He parted her lips with a quick thrust of his tongue and every muscle in her body tightened. She broke the kiss hastily and pulled back from him. Her eyes were apologetic.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I'm just not good at this. The whole kissing thing." She knew her face was red and she dropped her gaze to the ground embarrassed.

"I thought it was pretty nice actually," he said gruffly, his eyes narrowed with lust. "I want more and I think you do to."

Before she knew it he was crushing his lips to hers again. She let out a sound of protest, but it was muffled by his mouth assaulting hers. His hands gripped her shoulders roughly and she felt caged.

"Edward please!" she said between his bruising kisses. Some might have considered them passionate, but she felt terrified. There was no one around to see or hear them and he was quickly backing them into the dark alley between the buildings. Her feet shuffled and she felt her back hit the brick wall with some force.

He mistook her grunt of pain of one of pleasure and began to kiss her again, shoving his tongue in deep.

"Tell me this doesn't make you wet, my sweet Bella," he said coming up for a gasp of air. Bella felt dizzy and her head whirled with alarm. Edward was a guy who was used to getting his way with women and everything was happening so fast that she didn't have time to think. How was she going to get out of this?

The answer came quick and hard in form of a punch landing squarely on the side of Edwards head sending him sprawling into the dark alley.

~*~

Jacob clenched and unclenched his hands slowly, trying to get the dull ache to subside. He was walking slowly toward the fair, letting the lights and sounds guide him to his friends.

"Jake! Over here!" he heard Leah call him over to the small group. Quil, Embry, Seth, Kim and Caleb were there too, hanging around Quil's repair shop He put on a smile and loped toward them.

Leah held out a cotton candy to him and he laughed.

"Ah, Forks' Fest. Does it get any better?" he said chuckling, shoving the candy into his mouth.

Leah was dressed up, especially by her standards. Jake appreciated the low-cut blouse and tight jeans that hugged her curves. Her eyes glowed with excitement as he came closer.

"Well, Jake, what would you like to do? The ferris wheel maybe?"

Jake gulped down another piece of candy and gave her a look of doubt.

"I don't like those things, they seem so rickety. I will however partake in the kicking-of-your-ass in whack-a-mole," he grinned mischievously at her.

She arched one of her eyebrows. "You're on."

The group of them started to walk toward the attractions and Jacob enjoyed watching Caleb's face light up with excitement. Quil and Embry were busy casting insults at each other as usual and Seth was in his own world.

Jacob and Leah trailed behind and he could feel her move closer to him. He was well aware of her advances toward him by now. It was obvious she liked him and hung on every word that came from his mouth. He thought that Leah might just be the right person to help him shake his past and start anew with. Why did it feel so wrong to hope for that?

Seeing Bella last night had been awkward and painful in more ways than one. It had only left him more unsure than before of where his life was going. He could admit to himself now that he hadn't really moved on. Seeing her again was proof of that. The way his breath stopped and his heart shuddered just because they were in the same room hadn't changed a bit. He wondered what she might have told him if he had allowed her to speak her mind, instead of storming out. The scenario played in his mind all night and sleep eluded him.

What could she have possibly said that would have made the situation better? An apology five years too late was not going to cut it. He could understand a few months, but five years? He was nowhere near the point of understanding how she could abandon him like that, no matter the explanation.

Leah's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Oh, God. Get a room!" She said giggling under her breath. Jacob followed her gaze to the young couple caught up in a passionate make-out session near the alleyway of the shop. The man was obviously having his way with her. Her back was pressed against the wall and her hands were in tight fists balled against his chest.

The rest of the group had wandered on up a bit further, but Jacob instinctively came closer to the couple, sensing trouble.

"Oh brother, leave them be, Jake. It's obvious they want to be alone," Leah said shaking her head trying to drag him back to the carnival.

"No, it's not obvious," he said getting closer.

Leah let out an exasperated sound.

Then Jake heard it. "Edward, please…"

It was her. Edward Cullen was kissing Bella. Anyone else would have thought it to be a random passionate encounter, but Jacob knew the tone of her voice and he was close enough now to see the look on her face. She was terrified.

That was all it took. To see her lips tremble, her eyes wide with fright and to see that bastard's hands all over her, caging her. It was too much for him.

He leapt over the barricade and was in the alley in milliseconds. The adrenaline pumping through his veins caused him to forget about the blinding pain in his hands as his fist collided with the side of Edwards jaw. The guy never saw it coming.

"Jake stop!" He heard Bella's voice, but his eyes were trained on Edward, who was currently reeling from the punch. The side of his head was oozing blood and Jacob felt somewhat satisfied.

"What the hell are you doing Jake?" Leah yelled, running up to the scene. The rest of the group quickly followed behind her.

He turned to Leah and the others. "Nothing to see here, just had to take care of something."

By this time Edward was sitting up clutching the side of his face.

"Cheap shot, you bastard. Can't you see the lady and I were enjoying ourselves?" Edward hissed angrily, as he got up onto his feet.

Jake laughed bitterly, turning his eyes to Bella. She remained speechless, her eyes wide with shock. Her lips were swollen from Edwards and it turned Jacob's stomach.

"Enjoyment? The only enjoyment that was had tonight was when my fist met your face, Cullen."

Bella, shook her head. "I'm fine. I was fine. I was handling it Jake."

He shook his head bitterly. "Sure, sure."

Leah stood with her arms crossed and she gave Bella a bitchy look. "Jake, you coming? I think she said she could handle it."

Jake's gaze didn't waver from Bella's. She nodded minutely telling him silently to go with his friends. By this time Angela and Alice had noticed the scene and were on their way over to the large group that had gathered.

Alice hurried to Edward, noticing his wounds.

"Edward! What happened?" she wailed frantically.

"This asshole couldn't handle that I was kissing his old flame." He wiped some of the blood off of his face with his sleeve.

"Watch it, Cullen," Embry's voice broke in from the back of the group.

"Or what?" Edward laughed darkly. "You and the big bad Indian boys will come after me? I should have Emmett here to even up the fight!"

"Emmett? That bastard wouldn't live to see tomorrow if he came across us and you know it," Kim's scathing voice cut in. She hugged her arms protectively around her son.

"Oh, is that right you Quileute slut? Some things never change Kim," Edward said evilly.

Jake made another lunge at him, but Leah, Bella and Angela helped keep him back.

"Do you have a death wish? What's going on Edward?" Alice screamed.

Embry piped up, his presence domineering. "Emmett Cullen is not allowed anywhere near us for good reason."

"And what reason is that?" Alice asked bitterly, still at Edward's side.

Jake motioned his head slightly to Caleb. "Look for yourself. Does this look like a full blood Quileute boy to you?"

Jake said it under his breath, so that the boy couldn't hear him, but the message was effectively received by the Cullen siblings who gawked at the child.

Caleb's eyes were unmistakable. The amber green in them gave it away clearly.

"Mom? What going on? Why's everybody staring at me?" The boy said distressed.

Kim put on her best smile. "Oh, they are all jealous of that cotton candy you're holding. Let's go ride the merry-go-round shall we?"

The boy nodded, happily distracted, and they left quickly.

"It's not possible," Alice said, shaking her head wildly. "Emmett never said a thing!"

"Because he was ashamed!" Jake bellowed. "Emmett used to cat around the rez. He even made advances toward my sisters, before my dad put a stop to it. Kim rejected him time after time until finally he didn't take no for an answer."

Jake balled up his fists angrily, his hand still throbbing from the punch.

"I don't like what you are insinuating, Jacob." Edward's look was hard in disbelief.

"Think about it Cullen. Why would he go through all of that trouble to push us off the rez all of these years. Why has he been the only one that has hated us for no apparent reason? Don't tell me it's that hard to fathom!"

Edward and Alice stood motionless, letting the words sink in.

Jacob watched as Bella and Angela looked at the siblings apprehensively. Bella looked wholly convinced, which was strange. Did she know about this?

"Five years ago he had the audacity to show up with his new blondie girlfriend and we told him in our own special way to that he wasn't allowed near Kim," Embry said flexing his fingers with menace.

"The rock-climbing accident?" Alice asked dumbfounded.

"Ha! That's what he said? He's lied to you almost your entire life, trying to cover his tracks. Now the truth comes out. Do you ever wonder why he stopped coming to LaPush after that? I think we got our message across loud and clear."

Embry finished his rant and the group of them shifted uncomfortably after bringing up such a volatile topic.

"This whole story is ludicrous!" Edward spat angrily.

Alice breathed heavily and looked at her brother pleadingly. Jake could tell from her expression that she was processing the story as truth.

"Come on, let's go home," she said blankly. Edward brushed the dust of the street off of his slacks and nodded.

"Fine," Edward said stoically. The anger faded slightly from his expression. He turned his attention back to Bella.

"I'll call you."

She shook her head resolutely. "No, I'll call you."

Jacob felt his heart soar a bit at that comment as he watched Edward walk away, dejected. The tone of her voice told him that she wasn't in the slightest bit interested in matching Edward's advances and the thought pleased him more than it should.

He felt a slim arm lace into his, pulling him away from the alley.

"Let's go have fun, Jake," Leah said softly. He didn't miss the desperate undertone. He let himself be led out, now that Angela was by Bella's side. He turned suddenly back to them.

"Are you both good to get back home tonight?" he asked, searching Bella's face. Her hair was mussed and she looked flushed from the whole debacle. He wanted nothing more that to smooth it away from her beautiful face and tell her she would be okay.

_Ask me to stay with you. Ask me to take you home. Ask me to be close to you again. _Jacob's internal dialogue was in full force and it was pissing him off.

"Yeah, we'll be okay. It's just a few blocks down, remember?" Bella said softly. He saw her face grimace a bit when she noticed Leah's hand clutching his arm possessively. The small gesture couldn't possibly make her jealous after all of these years, could it?

"All right, then, good night," he said lamely.

He let Leah lead him into the hubbub of the carnival and after a few steps, he chanced a look behind him. Bella had turned her head too and was giving him a look of sadness over her shoulder that overwhelmed his heart.

~*~

**Wow, so Edward went from gentleman to dick in about 3 seconds! What do you think about how it all went down?**

**This chapter was inspired by the following songs:**

**"Possum Kingdom" by The Toadies**

**"Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event**

**"Far Behind" by Candlebox**

**"Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins**

**"Your Woman" by White Town**

**Thanks to all of the fans of michstargazer on face book. I hope you are enjoying the chapter previews, pictures and discussions. Click the link in my profile if you are interested in joining! It's a lot of fun! =)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N; Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to my beta, HopeAlways for dealing with my fragment problem. :D **

Chapter 12-- Heartbreak Club

After spending another hour in Forks, Jacob drove Leah home. They had fun at the fair, but she knew his mind was elsewhere. He felt bad about it, but what could he do? Every time he closed his eyes, he would see Bella's face and the way she looked at him as she was leaving. The image was burned into his retinas and it refused to go away. He threw Leah an apologetic look as they drove up the road, nearing her house.

She shifted in her seat, giving off an apprehensive vibe. "So…uh…do you want to come in? Mom and Seth are gone, so we can just, you know, hang out," Leah said in the darkness.

Jacob felt her eyes on him and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He didn't know if being alone with Leah was such a good idea, but felt guilty for the events of the night.

"Yeah, sure. For just a bit though. I've got to be up early to pick up a friend from the airport."

It was the truth. He was due to pick up Sam bright and early so that they could go over the current progress of the marina. Soon, he hoped, his time at La Push would come to a merciful end and he would fly back to California.

Leah sat back, a satisfied grin on her face.

Jacob tried to clear his mind, unsuccessfully, before they pulled into the driveway of the Clearwater house.

Leah hopped out of the cab quickly and had the door unlocked before he ascended the steps of the front porch. She held the door open for him and he nodded his head and smiled at her. She raised the corner of her full mouth seductively and sauntered into the kitchen.

_Keep it friendly, keep it light_, he thought to himself.

"Something to drink? I've got plenty of beer," she called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, a beer would be fine."

Just one, then he would go home. He needed to think about things.

He laid his jacket down on the back of the couch in the small living room and looked around. He had spent a few summers here, hanging out with Seth, so it felt very familiar and comforting to him. The red plaid couch and matching recliner were still in their same positions and a small lamp cast a warm glow around the place.

"I hope you don't mind, it's a bit warm in here," Leah said from behind him. He turned and his eyes widened with surprise. Leah was leaning against the doorway in nothing but her skimpy black lace underwear.

He cleared his throat and shifted his eyes. _So much for keeping it friendly_, he thought.

"Come on Jacob. You can't tell me that you haven't at least imagined me naked, the way your eyes were roaming over me tonight--mentally undressing me. I just made it easier."

She walked closer to him, setting two bottles of beer on the end table. The light made enticing shadows across the curves of her barely covered breasts. He swallowed hard and rubbed the back of his neck, unable to form words. He hadn't expected her to be this bold.

Leah laughed. "Relax Jake. Does this really bother you?" she asked, gesturing to body.

He shifted on his feet and concentrated on keeping his eyes level with hers. She was getting closer and he could see the flecks of gold in her eyes.

"Well, no. I suppose not. Whatever makes you comfortable I guess," he stammered.

She laughed softly and threaded her fingers through the belt loops of his jeans. "Oh, I'm very comfortable… and you should get comfortable too."

She pulled him into her body, crushing her ample breasts against his chest. She kissed him lightly on the corner of his mouth and searched his eyes.

"Come on, I'll show you my room. I've redecorated it since you've been away; no more Winnie the Pooh for me."

He let her pull him by the belt loop towards her room.

"Leah…I…" How could he duck out of this one without hurting her feelings?

"Just humor me Jake-- just for a moment."

She opened the door to her room and quickly lit a candle on her desk sending out a warm glow. She was right - the room had been beautifully decorated, not that he was really paying attention with a gorgeous, half-naked woman beside him.

"Like it?"

He nodded his head, "Mmmhmm."

She went over to her bed and sat on the edge. "The bed is super comfy and it might just fit you."

She patted the spot next to her and Jacob looked up to the ceiling, trying to gather any semblance of rationality. What was he getting himself into? He walked over to her slowly and sat down, keeping his eyes away from her exposed skin.

"Jacob," she said reaching up and tilting his chin so that he looked at her. "Just let go. Give me a chance to show you."

He breathed deeply, reaching for composure. It was becoming very difficult to stop his body from reacting to the sight of hers.

"Leah, you're a great girl. You deserve a man's undivided attention. I can't go through with this, I'm sorry."

She stood up and backed away from him, fists clenched against her sides.

"It's been five years, Jacob! Five! What in God's name did she do to you to make you like this? What do I have to do? Rip your heart out and stomp on it? I know she did that to you and you were torn up! I can make you forget her Jacob Black. Just give me a chance."

He didn't answer her, but she was starting to sniffle and he reached out for her.

"Leah…"

She swatted his hand away and covered her face in her hands. She turned to him, eyes lit with angry fire.

"Don't apologize! I don't want to hear it!"

So he shut up, quickly closed the distance between them and kissed her hard on her wet mouth. He parted her lips with his tongue and lightly nipped at her lips. She groaned into his mouth and put her hands up to the back of his neck to pull him in deeper. He pushed her to the bed and tore his shirt up over his head. She reached up to remove the long gold chain and pendent-like object that hung from it from over his head, but he grabbed her hand roughly to stop her.

"That never comes off," he said firmly, and she nodded quickly with confusion.

He continued the momentum by kissing her soundly, sucking her lower lip into his mouth. They were both panting hard by now, hands flying to remove clothes, mouths on each other's skin.

Jacob pulled down the straps of her bra revealing her flawless, full breasts. He cupped one in his hand and ran his tongue over her nipple, making her whimper. His other hand was pulling her thong down over her ass, his fingers trailing roughly over the hot flesh in between her thighs.

Leah was working on his belt buckle and her eyes burned into Jacob's. Was it anger or lust? He hoped it was a bit of both so that the momentum would continue. They didn't slow down, afraid a rational thought might creep up on them and make them stop.

He felt his boxers being pushed down over his hips and her hands were on him. Her eyes were filled with awe as she stroked the length of him. Her legs shifted underneath him, parting.

"Leah, I didn't bring a condom."

"Sorry, of course."

She turned and rummaged through the drawer of her bedside table and produced one quickly. She tore open the wrapper with her teeth and reached down to roll it over his shaft. She lay back down beneath him and he re-positioned himself over her body. He closed his eyes as she guided him toward her center.

Her hand pushed against his chest suddenly.

"Jacob, open your eyes."

"Huh? Why?" He was breathing heavily as he peered into her golden-brown eyes.

"Because I want to see you. I want you to be here with me."

"I'm here, Leah," he said resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Couldn't they just get on with it?

"You know what I mean," she said, looking mad again. "Who do you see when you close your eyes?"

He hesitated and remained hovered above her. Her eyes flashed angrily. He had paused for too long and she pushed him off her, gathering the duvet over her exposed flesh.

"It's her! Bella! She's in your head. She's the one that you'll be fucking. Not me. It was never me, was it? Not even for a moment!"

"Leah, no…" he paused again, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry. You're so fucking sorry," she sniffed angrily as she turned away from him. "I'm the one who's sorry. So pathetic. All this time pining away for you, hoping for this moment and now it's ruined!"

He sat on the edge of the bed and rolled the condom off his lost erection. He found his boxers on the floor and pulled them up.

"I don't know what to say, Leah. I know you're hurt and it's my fault. I just need to go."

Silence enclosed them for a few moments before she spoke. She shook her head softly. "No, it's my own doing. I knew it all along. And then it was further proven the moment I saw the way you looked at her tonight. Your heart could never be mine… It belongs to her."

She was crying softly into her pillow now. He touched her arm and she didn't flinch away so he cradled her into his chest.

"I've tried to forget her, Leah. It's been difficult…I seem to be running into her everywhere I go. And I thought you might be the key to getting over all of the past. I really did."

She nodded, all anger gone from her eyes.

"I know you did, and I took advantage of that-- of anything I could do to hold onto some part of you."

He held her closer and kissed the top of her head.

"You deserve a man to want all of you, Leah. Maybe someday I'll be so lucky."

She nodded sadly and disengaged from his arms, picking up her underwear and pulling them back on. He did the same and they dressed in awkward silence. She pulled an oversized shirt over her head and led him out of the bedroom.

He grabbed his coat and was ready to leave when she surprised him by hugging him around his waist and kissing his cheek. He smiled at her, sorry that he couldn't feel more for such an amazing woman.

He descended the steps into the night air.

"Jake! Wait!" Leah called from the porch. She ran up to him and took his hands into hers. "Jacob, remember what I said about the way you looked at Bella at the carnival? Well, she was looking at you the same way. I can see that she hasn't moved on… at all. In fact, I think she wanted to kill me when she saw me."

She laughed and Jacob couldn't help but break into a small smile.

"Thank you for that, but I don't know if it matters anymore. I'm just trying to live my life."

Leah took her hands from his and put them on her hips. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh yeah? And how's that working for you?'

He gave a breathy laugh and shook his head. "Don't make me answer that."

He waved goodbye and walked to his truck. What a crazy night.

~*~

Jacob looked at the wailing alarm clock with bleary eyes. How he wished he could sleep in a bit more instead of facing reality. It had been another restless night, dreaming of a girl he used to love. That he still loved, but couldn't take the risk of getting his heart mangled again. He refused to let that happen.

Ugh, and then there was Leah. How was he supposed to act around her now? She revealed feelings for him that were deeper than he ever knew. It was a mess and he was just making it worse. The sooner he could get back to California, the better. He hoped Sam would approve the project status and that it would move on smoothly without his presence.

It was a cold morning and he was supposed to be awake an hour ago. Sam's flight would arrive in Seattle in a couple of hours and Jacob needed to hurry if he wanted to be there in time. He cursed and undressed for a quick shower.

He let the warm water collect in his sore hands that had been though so much in the last few days. The stitches were definitely ready to come out, but he would be doing that himself. He was not going to see Bella again and that was final. His wasn't going to put himself through that anymore.

He rubbed some shampoo quickly through his hair, grateful that he kept it short the last few years. Long hair was time consuming. He exited the shower and patted dry. He tucked the long gold chain that his father had given him into his shirt like always and looked at himself in the mirror.

He heaved a great sigh as he looked at his image.

"Honestly Jake. Get your shit together."

He finished getting ready and was out the door.

~*~

Bella selected the best looking and largest grapefruit and held it up to her nose. She breathed in the fresh scent of her favorite citrus and plopped it into a plastic bag with the others.

She rolled her cart mindlessly through the produce section, selecting vegetables for the salads and stews she would prepare for the week. She was paying no attention when her cart bumped into a tall, young man looking over the carrots.

He looked up annoyed at first, but his face changed to one of recognition.

"Bella? Bella Swan from high school?"

It was one of those inevitable moments that Bella hoped she wouldn't have to endure. She was horrible with faces and names. Although the man looked vaguely familiar, she couldn't even begin to place him in the spectrum of her memory.

Bella tried to play it cool. "Yes! Forks High! How could I forget?"

"You don't remember me at all do you?" he asked, and chuckled at her failed attempt.

She blushed. He was very handsome. Curly blond hair, strong jaw and a slightly crooked nose. Wait crooked nose? Broken during a high school basketball game…Jasper Hale getting clobbered by the opponent as he made the clutch shot, winning the game.

"Of course, Jasper. I remember you," she said coyly. _Nicely recovered._

A wide smile broke across his face. "How are you? Haven't seen you since…well, since you left in the middle of senior year."

"Oh, I moved to Seattle and then Port Angeles. I'm just here helping my dad. He had a stroke a few months ago and wanted to come back here to recover. This is and always has been his home."

He nodded sadly. "And yours too, right? Sorry about your dad. It's strange, but it's hard to leave this place for good. We try our best to leave, but we always come back."

She gave him a curious look. He was carrying a small basket of groceries full of deli meat and a small package of donuts. Definitely a bachelor.

"Very true, but I don't plan on being here long. My dad has been doing great."

"That's great. I heard about your mom a few years back. I'm sorry Bella."

"Thanks," she said, and made the move to turn around. "It was nice seeing you, Jasper."

"You too." He resumed looking over the carrot selection.

"Hey, Bella?"

She turned to face him again. "Yes?"

"Forgive me for saying so, but I'm kind of surprised that you aren't with that Quileute guy. You two were damn near inseparable back in the day."

She bristled a bit, but then relaxed. "Some things just aren't meant to be, no matter how hard we try," she said coolly, trying to give nothing away.

"Tell me about it." He frowned. "I guess I'm in the same boat."

"Alice?"

The look on his face told her that she had guessed correctly.

They both smiled and went back to their shopping. Bella wondered how Alice was doing and if she knew about Jasper and how he felt. Poor Alice. The Cullen family dynamic was certainly turning out to be dysfunctional at best. She wished the best for her old friend and would give her the time she needed before calling her.

Seeing Jasper had her thinking. She stood at the checkout daydreaming about what her life could have been like if she hadn't left. The dark haired child whose legs would swing from the shopping cart. Maybe another in her womb. The husband she would cook meals for. His strong arms would wrap around her and she would feel safe and loved. When it came to envisioning any other man than Jacob, it was impossible. She hated herself for longing for something so badly. Longing for something that was so out of reach. Her heart gave a painful squeeze as she saw a woman walk out of the store clutching the hand of her beautiful toddler.

"Miss? Excuse me, miss? Paper or plastic?" the clerk asked, trying to get her attention.

Bella shook her head, clearing it. "Oh sorry, paper."

She drove home, restless in her own mind. She needed to come up with a plan b. She didn't know how long Jacob would be here, but she needed to do something drastic before it was too late. She was tired of being a member of the Heartbreak Club with Jasper. It was time to make a move-- to risk everything to save her heart again.

**A/N: What will Bella do? Were you all surprised that Jake went so far with Leah? I want your thoughts, so please review! :D**

**Songs that inspired this chapter:**

"**The Reason" by Hoobastank**

"**Read My Mind" by The Killers**

"**Waking Dream" by Natalie Walker**

"**Say it Again" by Natasha Bedingfeild**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Wow! Over 200 reviews for Ashes! Thanks so much. There are only a few more chapters left and I wanted to thank all of you for being so great and supportive. Also, please vote (the poll is on my profile) to make your opinion known for the next story you would like me to write. Thanks again to my Beta, HopeAlways for her editing prowess. I had a lot of fun with this chapter. I hope you enjoy it :D**

Chapter 13- Uncovering the Embers

The week crawled by for Bella. Of course she was avoiding the clinic and the Cullens altogether. She didn't need to add any more strife to what she already had planned for the weekend.

Jacob. Her focus was solely on him and only him. Housework and even home-cooked meals fell to the wayside as she worked out how she was going to confront him. She was mentally preparing some things she wanted to say to him and had even written some of them down in a notebook so she could keep track.

With the rest of her time she worked with Charlie at home, performing the small exercises that Alice had given him to do the week before. He was progressing brilliantly. For the moment, everything seemed bright and hopeful. She hoped the feeling would give her an armor of bravery when it came to talking to Jake.

It was a dreary Wednesday morning and the clouds and rain did nothing to help eclipse the cold fear that ran through her veins. As much as she tried to dismiss it, she felt like it was a bad omen when it came to the task at hand: to get Jake back. It would cost her everything if it didn't work - her heart, her spirit and her ability to love so intensely - life would fall apart for her all over again. Jake was worth all of that and more to her. She didn't want to think about what would happen if he turned and walked away, how she would be able to breathe again, if that were to happen. But the worse thing that _could_ happen is that he would leave her in the same position she was now: without him. The fear came from figuring out what to say to him and breaking through the layers of hardness that had formed.

Bella needed to concentrate on the good things happening in her life right now. She couldn't help but smile as her dad slowly made his way into the living room, using only a cane for balance.

"Wow, go dad!" Bella encouraged from the kitchen.

This week he had progressed so much with balance and control and was actually getting around the house at a pace that Bella never thought would be possible; it was a miracle. His speech was coming too, and although the words came slowly, he was speaking in full sentences now. In a few short weeks he had come so far and Bella couldn't be more proud.

He shuffled his feet into the living room and headed toward the bookshelf. Bella watched him curiously as he removed an old volume and blew the dust off the edges. He gave her a serious look as he went to the couch and sat down slowly. He patted the cushion next to him and Bella put down her coffee and the newspaper to join him.

"What is it dad?"

He leafed through the old volume slowly before pulling an old picture from the pages. It was a worn photo of a woman; the colors were fading and the edges were curled and yellowed. He held it out to her and she took it gently in her hands.

The woman was stunningly beautiful; long black hair that cascaded over her shoulders, dark eyes and skin. She was smiling and the face was unmistakable. This was Sarah Black. Jacob's eyes matched hers perfectly.

"Dad? Why do you have a photo of Jacob's mother?" she asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting to hear an explanation straight from his mouth.

His eyes were misty and he took a deep breath in preparation of the effort it would take to speak.

"She was my first love, before your mother. But I screwed it up and let her go," he said slowly, his voice slurring slightly.

Bella looked at the photo again - no wonder he fell for her. Still, it was hard to hear him speak so fondly of a woman other than her mother.

"Dad, why are you telling me this? What about mom?" Bella couldn't hide the anger in her voice.

He put a finger to her lips.

"I loved your mother, never doubt that. All things happen for a reason, Bella. I was meant to be with your mother, just as much as Sarah was meant to be with Billy."

His breaths were shallow with emotion and effort. Bella knew his throat must be parched and she excused herself to go into the kitchen and get a couple glasses of water. She felt the tears in her eyes as she poured the water into the glasses.

At last, she was getting some answers about her father's past. She hoped that Charlie would have the energy to continue. She returned to the room after wiping her tears and gave her father the glass of water which he drank gratefully. He regained his composure and she sat down next to him again.

He was holding the picture now, cradling it in his palm.

"I'm telling you this now, Bells, because things are not finished between you and Jacob. He is angry, but he loves you. No matter what your mother and I did, or how hard we tried to get you away from him and your past, he never gave up. He never stopped loving you. I only wish that I could have been as brave back in the day…" he trailed off sadly.

"But why did you both hate him so much? Why did you try and keep him away from me after all we had been through?" She ignored the tears she knew were streaming down her face.

"I never hated him. I didn't know what to do either. A fresh start seemed to be the best option at the time. I'm sorry Bells, truly I am. Forgive me? For everything?"

His voice was shaking and Bella saw the tears collecting on his whiskered cheeks. She leaned in and embraced her father and they both let out their tears. So much was left unsaid, but it was okay. Bella knew the sincerity of her father's actions and words. He was a changed man. After a moment, Bella pulled back from him.

"Of course I forgive you. You are my father. I love you."

He sniffed and nodded. He reached out and pulled the gold chain from her shirt. He held the pendent in his palm. "So much pain, but if you uncover the ashes, Bella, you will discover embers that still burn. Don't give up."

She let out another sob and clutched the chain that her father had given her a few years ago. He was right, she needed to try and she couldn't give up on the love of her life. She got up to leave, but something else came to her mind.

"Dad? One more question?"

He nodded again and took another drink. His energy was drained.

"Why was mom so angry with me? You know, for being with him?"

He smiled slightly, remembering Renee's fiery temper when it came to anything to do with La Push.

"Not mad at you. She just took it out on you. She thought I still loved Sarah and in a way she was right, but it wasn't like that anymore. Her friendship with Sarah had been broken after many fights and she started to resent her. She just had trouble letting go of the past, that's all."

He got up slowly. "Come on, let me show you something."

He went to the back entry way, where many of the boxes were still piled up, unpacked. He pointed to a box on the highest shelf.

"Look in that one, toward the back."

She stood on her tip-toes and removed the box. She blew the dust off the top and opened it. She began flipping through the old black and white Polaroids that her mother used to take, most of them were of her as a child. Her breath stilled as she came to the photo he was talking about.

It was her, no more than four years of age with an even younger Jacob. She was holding the cotton candy from the fair they had attended together. He was kissing her on the cheek and she was making quite the face. Bella covered her mouth and laughed. It was absolutely the most precious thing she had ever seen. She clutched the photo to her chest and gave her dad a tearful glance. She pressed her lips together and willed herself not to cry anymore.

"Your mother took that. You two kids…it was just meant to be."

~*~

"Jacob, this is amazing. Better than I thought," Sam said in awe.

They were standing on the edge of the inlet looking down at the bones of the marina.

Jacob folded his arms over his chest. "Not bad for a month's time, right? These guys know how to move."

"Yeah, this might get done months ahead of the time line. I'm impressed."

Jake smiled with pride as they stared out at the sea.

"This place is nice; green. A little cloudy for my taste though," Sam commented as they made their way back to the trucks. "Has it been nice, coming back home?"

Jacob laughed sarcastically and slung his bag into the bed of his truck. "It's been interesting. I'll be glad to get back."

"Well, I'd say chances are good that you can come back this week, the way the project has been going. We just need to go over the final specs and the budget once more," Sam leaned in and gave Jacob a rough pat on the back. "Good work, Black!"

Jacob grinned, thrilled that Sam was seeing things his way.

"Want to meet tomorrow? We can go to the local diner. It's not too far away from here. I'd like to be back by Friday," Jacob said, giving his boss a pleading glance.

Sam gave him a curious look and then shook his head. "Whatcha runnin' away from kid? Isn't this your home?"

Jacob sighed, not wanting to broach the subject. "It's just that…I've got a lot of memories here, some not that great. It might be where I'm from, but my home? I don't know."

"It's a girl isn't it?" Sam asked waggling his eyebrows.

Jake chuckled. "Something like that. I keep running into her and it's been awkward. All the more reason to leave."

"Hmmm, she must have done something pretty awful. Heartbreaker?"

Sam was prodding too much and he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to find out more about his most talented worker and the secrets that kept him so driven and reserved.

"Pretty much, but life goes on, right?" Jake shoved an impatient hand through his hair and looked off to the horizon. A sudden downpour would be nice right about now.

Luckily, Sam got the clue to let the subject drop. "Right, just don't let your life get over taken by work. In a few years, you might be like me; a rich dude that attracts all the wrong women."

Jacob joined him in laughter before they parted ways.

~*~

Bella gave a surprised little laugh when she saw Alice at her doorstep the next morning. Her tiny friend was carrying an enormous bouquet of what looked to be over fifty red roses in a silver vase.

"What's all this?" Bella asked, keeping the door wide open so that Alice could place the flowers in the kitchen.

Alice was standing in her perfect outfit, pearls at her neck and immaculate make-up and hair, but Bella knew it was all just a façade for the inner turmoil.

"It's an apology, from me and from Edward."

Bella wanted to say that she didn't need anything from them, especially Alice, but before she could, Alice came up and took Bella's hands in hers. Alice's eyes were red from crying and Bella's heart broke for her.

"Everything had been so messed up this week. Finding out about Emmett and then Edward's unwelcome advances toward you. I can hardly believe that these are the brothers that I grew up with!"

Bella embraced her friend. "I'm so sorry Alice. You have no need to apologize and Edward? The whole thing just got out of hand. His advances would probably been fine under normal circumstances, but it was too soon for me personally," her voice shook. "Oh, Alice! If only you knew how much I wanted to move on, but I just can't!"

Alice was confused. "Move on from what darling?"

"How much time do you have?" Bella asked, laughing through her tears.

"All of the time in the world for you!"

~*~

Bella told Alice everything, from the beginning. It was easier this time around since she had told Angela.

"Oh God! Bella! Bella!" It was all her friend could say when she told her about the baby. "I'm so sorry!"

Alice's steel grey eyes locked on hers. "What are you waiting for? We need to get him back, Bella. He's the love of your life!"

And for the first time, Alice believed that the love between Jacob and Bella was the strongest bond she had ever seen or heard of - an epic love that she herself would help get back through any and all means.

~*~

Julie's Diner was popular among the people of the reservation and the Fork's locals as well. It was situated between the two towns, right off the highway. Sam and Jacob entered the warm diner and the hostess sat them in the back booth.

Jacob was pulling the budget papers out of his briefcase when the waitress came by. She cleared her voice awkwardly before asking the men what they wanted to drink. Jacob turned his head to the familiar voice and was shocked to see Leah in a tight black and white uniform, holding a pad of paper. A bit of uncomfortable silence passed and then Leah smiled at him.

"Jacob, nice to see you again. What can I get you two?" Her voice was cool, but not unprofessional.

"Hi Leah, I didn't know you worked here." He felt a blush creep up his cheeks and hoped Sam wouldn't notice.

But Sam wasn't looking at Jacob at all. He was too busy trying not to drool on himself at the sight of Leah in her form-fitting, white button-down shirt. Jacob cleared his voice, trying in vain to break Sam's stupor. Leah shifted her eyes between the both of them skeptically.

"Leah, this is Sam Uley. He's my supervisor and the head of the company that's building the marina," Jacob broke in awkwardly.

She held out her hand and Sam, still in a daze, shook it a little too strongly, but Leah didn't seem to mind. Her eyes were shining and she smiled sweetly at him.

Jake was relieved that she was acting so civil after their interaction a few nights ago.

"Pleased to meet you. We are all so excited for the project. Lord knows we need the business."

Sam just nodded and remained silent like a dumb-ass, still mesmerized by her exotic beauty. Leah looked at him with a crooked eyebrow as she scribbled down their order. Jake had to order for Sam who was still unable to piece together a coherent sentence, or word for that matter.

Jacob shook his head at his friend and laughed quietly to himself as she left.

"Earth to Sam?" he said, waving his hand in front of Sam's face.

"Holy shit Jacob, she's smoking hot!" Sam said as he looked around Jake's shoulder, watching her saunter into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I know… and trust me, she knows it too."

Leah came back with their drinks and gave Sam a saucy smile before leaving them again.

"You need to introduce me," Sam said, unable to peel his eyes away.

Jacob laughed loudly. He had never seen Sam in such a daze after meeting a girl. "Isn't that what I just did?"

Sam flushed a bit. "Not properly! She must think I'm a horse's ass!"

Jacob sighed and put the papers to the side. Not much was going to get done if Sam was feeling all "twitter-pated."

"Uh, Sam? Aren't you forgetting about Emily?"

"Huh?" He was busy watching Leah take another order. Jacob made an exasperated noise.

"You know, Emily? Your girlfriend?"

Sam groaned and finally came back to reality.

"Hey we just live together, none of that girlfriend shit. Besides, she's in it for the money. You and I both know that."

"I guess I didn't, but Leah is…," Jake was coming up short when it came to describing Leah's fiery personality.

"I don't care; she seems different--very different. I like that. Is she a firecracker?"

_You have no idea buddy, _Jacob thought.

"She definitely is passionate about certain things. She's always been like that," Jake commented, trying to make it sound as innocent as possible.

Leah came by with their burgers and gave Jake a curious look.

"Does your boss talk, or is he just that hungry?" she asked laughing.

"I'm sorry, I'm being rude," Sam said. "I kinda get quiet when I meet a pretty girl."

Jake rolled his eyes and took a bite of his burger. He watched as his boss flirted shamelessly.

"I get that way sometimes myself," Leah said and Jake almost choked on his fries.

Leah? Silent? Never. It was obvious at this point she was flirting back. Jacob tried to concentrate on his food, but couldn't help but feel a little overprotective of Leah. He'd seen her naked after all, although the memory seemed to be lost on Leah who was currently touching Sam's arm as they joked about the weather. She excused herself regretfully and left the men to eat their food.

"I need to know her Jake. She's not like anyone I've ever met," Sam said, pushing the food around his plate aimlessly.

"Sure, sure. Then what will you do, come here and sweep her off her feet?" Jake asked, annoyed.

"Wait, Jake were you two ever involved? Is this the girl that--" Sam suddenly looked worried that he was trespassing onto some forbidden territory.

"No, this is not the girl," Jake said avoiding the other question, " but I care about her. Wouldn't want to see her hurt in any way."

"I wouldn't want that either, trust me."

The look in Sam's eyes was sincere and Jake finally conceded. "Yeah, well I've got her number if you want it."

"Awesome," Sam said smiling before he dove into his pie, happy as a clam.

~*~

It was the next morning and Bella had the people that she loved the most--well minus one-- surrounding her. Angela had come back for the weekend from Seattle and Alice was there of course.

Bella sat on her bed as Alice applied another coat of waterproof mascara.

"You're gonna need it sweetie," she said giving Bella a reassuring smile.

Bella sat still as Angela fussed with her hair. She didn't think all of this was necessary, but didn't stop her two best friends from helping her get ready.

This was the day she was going to do it. She would drive to La Push and face Jacob and tell him everything that had been caged inside her for five years. She wouldn't let him go without him knowing at the very least that her love for him had never died.

"How about this one? Alice?" Angela held out another outfit, this time jeans and flowy black top that Bella never wore.

"Nah, something more feminine, I think," Alice said. "I should have brought some of my stuff over."

Bella sighed and wrinkled her nose as Alice dusted her face with some sort of powder. "Girls, I really appreciate this but we need to hurry. My dad talked to Billy last night and he said Jacob is going back to California soon."

"You do know that your dad and his dad are totally in cahoots, right?" Angela chuckled as she riffled through the clothes hanging in Bella's closet.

Bella blushed, but the thought was comforting. It seemed like everyone was rooting for her and it helped boost her confidence.

"Oh, I think we have a winner," Angela squealed. She held out a navy blue wrap dress. The tags still dangled from the collar.

"Yes! That's the one!" Alice exclaimed, grabbing the dress and handing it to Bella. "Try it on!"

"This? Really? My mom got me this dress in New York one year. It was only a few months before she died."

She stroked the soft cotton fabric, trying to hang onto the memory.

"Then it's perfect Bella. In a way, it will be like your mom is surrounding you. And you know what? I think she would be cheering you on. I really do," Alice said and Angela nodded in agreement.

Bella shooed her friends out of her bedroom and changed into the dress. She was shocked at how the dress fit her petite curves and accentuated her best features. She sent up a silent prayer of thanks to her mother.

"Mom, please help me do this," she whispered.

After another quick check in the mirror, and she decided that it was now or never. She exited the bedroom and came down the steps. Charlie gave an appreciative low whistle and she kissed him on the cheek.

Angela gave her friend a quick hug. "Bella, the man would be a fool if--"

"--no if's," Alice interrupted. "You will be amazing."

~*~

Bella got into her truck and drove the twenty miles to La Push, trying to keep her speed steady. Her heart was beating erratically and she thought she might hyperventilate a couple of times. She had memorized what she was going to say and replayed it in her head over and over again. She was also prepared for the worst or as much as she could be. Jacob could easily close the door in her face and leave her just like she left him. But at least now she could go through life knowing that she did everything she could.

As Bella neared the Black house, she could feel her pulse pounding in her ears. She took a deep breath and exited the truck. She smoothed her dress before knocking on the door.

Billy answered it before she could.

"Bella, I'm sorry, you just missed him. I tried to convince him to stay a little longer, but he wanted to get back to the motel and check out early. I think if you hurry though, you might catch him."

Bella felt like bursting into tears, but managed to keep it together.

"Thanks Billy!" she called out as she raced down the steps, back to her truck.

This time she ignored the speed limit and raced to Fork's Finest, the only motel for miles around. Her tires screeched as she pulled in and threw the gear into park. She didn't know what kind of car he drove anymore; certainly not the Rabbit.

_Doesn't matter, just go and find him! _She told herself.

She flew from the cab and marched to the door of the office. Luckily the short bald-headed owner was in the lobby, cleaning the windows.

"Excuse me? Which room is Jacob Black in?"

The man smiled when he looked up at her. "Oh, Mr. Black? I'm really not supposed to say…"

"Please! I need to speak to him, it's urgent!" she pleaded.

The man paused and his eyes lowered to her cleavage. Instead of being annoyed at the situation, she took advantage of it.

"Please sir, I would be so grateful," she said lowering her voice and running a finger slowly down the edge of her bosom, where fabric met skin.

The man's eyes widened and she saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard.

"Well miss, I guess you're in luck. He rented out another night here," he said coming closer to her, leering.

Bella backed up more; suddenly nervous she had come on to him a little too much.

"Room?" she asked quickly.

"One-oh-one, the first on the left." His eyes were slanting toward her thighs now. Damn this dress. But it worked: it got her the information she needed. She breathed a quick thanks and flew out the door, immediately spotting the room.

She paused before she knocked, collecting her thoughts.

After a few timid knocks she heard voices inside. Wait, voices? She gulped. One was clearly female.

After about a minute she heard a few shuffling steps toward the door and the metal sounds of the lock being unlatched.

The door opened slowly and Bella almost fainted when Leah--wrapped in only a thin sheet--opened the door.

"Bella?"

Bella's mouth opened and closed, as she processed things. Jake was sleeping with Leah. Of course, why hadn't she seen this earlier? Stupid, stupid, STUPID!

"Oh." It was the only sound she could make.

"Bella, are you here for Jacob?" Leah asked, trying to cover herself up more. Bella heard the shower running in the room.

"Yes. I mean no! Well, maybe…I'm sorry," Bella said, exasperated and shook her head. She started to back away from the doorway. It took all of her strength not to let the tears fall.

"Bella, it's not what it looks like," Leah said, smoothing down her obviously sex-tousled hair.

Bella looked down and passed her hand in front of her face, dismissing Leah's statement. "No, I'm sorry, I'll go. I should have known…"

She had said enough and was walking quickly to the truck.

Too late, she had waited too long. But now, with Leah, maybe she never stood a chance. She pulled herself up into the cab and sobbed into her hands.

She was about to put the keys into the ignition when she heard the sharp rapt of knuckles on the side of her window.

"Bella, is it?" a voice said through the glass.

The voice was definitely masculine, but not the one Bella expected. She frantically wiped tears and rolled down the window. A tall man stood beside the window, wearing his boxers and a robe thrown over his shoulders. His dark hair was wet. He looked flushed with embarrassment.

"You're looking for Jacob?"

She nodded, confused.

"Oh, okay. Well…obviously, I'm not him. I mean--I'm Sam, his friend."

His smile was goofy and Bella couldn't help but smirk a little. She shook his hand, still confused, but she was becoming hopeful. Was this the guy Leah was with?

"Uh, I think there has been a little misunderstanding," Sam said, blushing furiously. "I asked Jake to rent this room out for one more night. He's already left about an hour ago."

"Oh," Bella said simply. Half of her was thrilled that Jacob wasn't sleeping with Leah and the other half shattered. Jacob was gone.

"He's gone back to California?"

Sam nodded remorsefully. "Yeah, he's driving back as we speak."

Bella sniffed again. "I'm too late," she said under her breath.

Sam was looking at her intently. "Wait a sec…you're the girl. The one that broke his heart? Right?"

Bella wanted to glare at him, but looked straight ahead. "Yeah. I guess it's about time he's had a turn, huh."

Sam cleared his throat and Bella felt his scrutinizing glare. She started the engine. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to go now. Nice to meet you Sam."

She was about to put the truck into gear when Sam reached inside and grabbed the wheel gently.

"Wait, don't go yet. Do you have a pen and paper?"

Bella gave him an inquisitive look, but rummaged in her purse to retrieve the items. Sam scribbled something on the paper and handed it back to her. An address.

"Jacob is the hardest working guy I know, but he's also the most miserable bastard I've ever met. Even though I don't know the details, I think you might be the key to helping him. Go find him Bella. Don't let anything stop you."

With that, Sam gathered the robe around himself again and trotted back to his room, where Leah was poking her head out the door.

Bella waved goodbye and turned the truck around. She was headed to San Diego.

She reached down into her purse and pulled out the Polaroid. She fastened it to one of the air conditioning grates and smiled.

* * *

**A/N: Is Bella too late? What could she possibly say to Jake to make him realize that she won't break his heart again? Stay tuned and review! Tell me what you think and don't forget to vote for the next story!**

**~MSG**

**Songs that inspired this chapter:**

"**Human" by Civil Twilight**

"**The Secret's in the Telling" by Dashboard Confessional**

"**I Am the Highway" by Audioslave**

"**All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers**

**To see the photos of Sarah Black, Jacob and Bella as kids and much more, please join us on facebook! Follow the link on my profile or simply look up michstargazer on FB. I also give teasers and discuss future works :D. Come Join! It's FUN!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thanks for waiting so patiently for this chapter. I had some writers block ; ) I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to my beta, HopeAlways for editing. Oh and please vote on my profile for the next story endeavor. **

Chapter 14--Ashes, Ashes, We all Fall Down

It had only been a few hours into the trip and Bella was pissed. Why couldn't Jacob fly like a normal person? Now she was stuck driving to San Diego--a twenty two hour trip, mind you--and she was exhausted. She knew she would have to find a place to stay for the night.

A few more hours into the trip and her eyes were beginning to droop. She was still in Oregon and the November night was chilly. She stopped in Ashland; a beautiful town dropped in the middle of the thick forest, and found the first lodgings to be more than acceptable.

She undressed quickly and gratefully plopped down on the soft bed and fell asleep in an instant.

The next morning was so quiet and peaceful as the morning sun came in through the window. She blinked a few times and bolted out of bed. She would need to start her journey early if she wanted to make it to San Diego today.

She showered quickly and pulled her dress back on. She decided to forgo her panties altogether. She rummaged through her bag and found only lip gloss and mascara. Alice would be disappointed that she wouldn't be putting on a full face of make-up, but this would have to do.

She checked herself in the mirror and smiled, and for the first time in a long time she thought she looked pretty. The color of life was flush in her cheeks and her eyes seemed to sparkle with hope and excitement.

She finished getting ready for the day and checked out quickly, grabbing a complimentary banana from the basket in the lobby. She wolfed it down hungrily, not realizing that it had been quite awhile since she had last eaten anything, and then she was on her way again, stopping only to gas the truck and to eat a few more times.

The sun was beginning to set as she made what she hoped to be her last stop in Encinitas. She stopped to eat at a small Mexican restaurant and looked at a map of the area. Within an hour she should be at her destination and her heart thudded in anticipation.

She looked over her notebook again, but the words started to blur together in her head. No matter how many times she read them, it only seemed to get harder. In anger she thrust the notebook into the nearest receptacle on the street and forgot about everything she wrote.

If she was going to do this, it was going to be real, not rehearsed.

~*~

The street where Jake lived was incredible. The Spanish style houses and condos were built into the side of a green hill overlooking the Pacific. She parked her truck on the street in front of the address Sam had given her. It was a gorgeous, gated apartment building resting between two expansive gardens of palms and cactus.

She steadied her breath and unfolded the piece of paper again. As she looked at it, a drop of rain landed in the middle, causing the ink of Sam's sloppy penmanship to run together.

"Shit!" she cried out as she looked up to the darkening sky. The heavens decided to open, instantly saturating her skin and clothing. She opened the gate and ran clumsily down the path, holding her arms uselessly above her head as the rain pelted down. She rushed to the entrance that was slightly covered and cursed as she looked down at the apartment numbers. There were six and she didn't know which one was Jake's. The scrap of paper was now illegible and she fought back frustrated tears. She had come this far and was so close. Now she was soaked to the bone and couldn't even get into the building.

"Excuse me dearie, are you in some kind of trouble?"

The voice was kind and she turned to find a kind-faced woman holding an umbrella over her head.

Bella forced a smile and hoped the rain covered up her tears. "No, no trouble. I've just come a long way."

The old woman nodded and reached out for the door with her keys and stepped inside. She turned to Bella.

"Well? Are you coming?"

Bella stepped inside the warm lobby, thanking the woman profusely.

"You looked like you need to dry off. It doesn't rain much here, but when it does, it's like a waterfall!"

Bella looked around her. On either side of the lobby there was a set of stairs and more doors and corridors.

She looked at the woman, who was putting her folded umbrella on a hook by a door.

"Do you want to come in? I'm the landlord of this place. I know I'm a stranger, but I can see a lost soul for miles, and honey, you look lost."

Bella shook her head. "Thank you for your kindness, but I'm looking for a man that lives here. I need to see him. It's urgent."

"A man?" The woman looked puzzled. "There is one that lives here, but he hasn't been here for many weeks now."

Her heart soared and then gave out a shudder. "Jacob?"

"Yes! That's him. Haven't seen him in awhile, but I can at least tell you where he lives."

"Yes! Please!"

The old woman gave her a suspicious look. "He's a nice boy--are you sure he's expecting you?"

Bella let out a desperate little laugh. "No. He's not and I'm not even sure he'll let me in, but I need to try."

"Hmmmm, sounds complicated. Where are you from?"

Bella was growing impatient, but understood that the woman was protective of her tenants. "From Washington, we grew up together."

"His girlfriend?"

"No. Well, yes we were, but…like you said, complicated."

The woman's face broke into a knowing look. "I knew it. I knew he had a pretty girl at home. Moping around all of the time. Never seen him bring a woman here. Makes sense."

The lady was muttering to herself and Bella tried to refrain from shaking her. "Please, I'm sorry, but which apartment?"

"Of course, it's the one at the top, right there." She pointed to a green door at the top of the stairs. "It's my favorite one--overlooks the gardens."

"Thanks!" Bella said quickly, patting the old woman's hand. She dashed up the stairs and knocked loudly on the door. She was out of breath and knew she resembled a wet mop. A few more seconds ticked by and she knocked again. She waited, holding her breath, but heard nothing.

She lowered her hand slowly and let out a frustrated little cry.

"Hey!" She heard the old woman's voice come from down the stairs. "Have you tried the garden? He's out there all of the time."

She sniffed and turned to the wide open veranda that looked out over the courtyard gardens. And there he was, standing in the middle of it, looking at the sky and letting the rain come down. His eyes were closed, but the moment she ran into the garden they snapped open and met with hers.

~*~

Jacob loved San Diego's weather; sunny one minute then downpour the next. So much less predictable that gloomy Forks. Instead of unpacking, he had gone straight to his room, hoping he could finally sleep. He couldn't, even though he was dog tired, so he went to the garden. It was his favorite place to just…not think.

Shoving his hands into his jeans, he let the heavy drops hit lids and his hair. He had driven almost non-stop from Forks and was exhausted. Actually, he couldn't remember the last time he slept.

Despite the soothing rain, his heart ached liked it never had before. Still, when he closed his eyes, he saw Bella. In fact when he opened them again he saw her. She was standing on the far side of the courtyard. She looked completely foreign to him then and he knew his mind was playing tricks on him again. This time he let it.

He was so tired and knew he was imagining her. It wouldn't be the first time he had been haunted by her image and certainly not the last. Instead of trying to blink her away, he let her come closer. She was wearing a low cut, blue dress. Jacob laughed to himself. She would never wear that. It was a ridiculous version of her. She looked ethereal and seemed to glide closer to him. He would, however, admit to himself that her expression was not one that he was used to. She looked scared and…oh, so apprehensive.

"Jacob."

Ugh. She was so real, too real. The sun had set and the shadows and his own mind were against him. He watched as drops of water slid down the corkscrews of her wet hair.

"Go away," he said angrily, closing his eyes. She didn't. She came closer and he could see her face so clearly. She made a noise that sounded like a gasp.

"Oh, Jacob. You look so tired. You didn't stop, did you?"

He looked at her hard and found himself swaying. Her voice was so soothing and he felt his lids grow heavy.

"We need to get you inside." Her hands were on him then, searching for something. His keys. He let her take them out of the pocket in his jeans. His arms felt heavy and he felt her bring one of them around her small shoulders. She pushed and prodded him up the stairs and quickly unlocked his door.

She took his hand and found his bedroom and he followed her, unable to do anything else. He felt himself being pushed onto the bed and then his jeans sliding off his legs. Oh, this Bella-vision was good. She knew that he hated to sleep in pants. The blanket was drawn up to his shoulders and he drifted deeper into sleep. The last thing he remembered doing was pulling her down to bed with him. She felt warm and so lovely in his arms and he breathed in the scent of flowers from her hair.

Yes, this had been the best version of Bella yet.

~*~

Bella had no trouble letting herself fall asleep in his arms. He felt so good. So familiar and warm. She knew this bliss wouldn't last, but prayed he would stay like this so it could take the edge off of his exhaustion. They would have so much to say to each other in the morning.

When Bella woke up, he was kissing her. It was the dead of night and there was still no sign of the sun. She didn't stop him, even though she knew he might still be out-of-it. The kisses were small and chaste, covering her cheeks, her nose and he eye-lids. His hands held her face. She chanced a look at him in the darkness. His eyes were closed, in a dream-like state.

"Jacob, you're not dreaming. I'm really here," she whispered, hating to end the kisses.

"I know, but I want to pretend," he said, his eyes barely opening. His face remained expressionless.

He then covered her mouth with his and made a desperate noise in the back of his throat. The kiss was exquisitely soft and delicate and she felt her body melt in response. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so good, so blissful. His hand slid slowly down her neck and back and he pressed her body into his.

He kept his palm wide to feel as much of her as he could. She took a sharp intake of breath as his hand passed over her bottom to her bare thigh. She felt every sensation through the thin fabric of the dress. He grabbed her leg from behind her knee and pulled her even closer. She felt him, hot and hard through his boxers.

"Jacob--" her voice was weak with want. His hand was lifting the hem of her dress, his fingertips grazing her skin. He lifted her leg and separated it from the other one, propping her knee at angle. He was slow and gentle with every movement, asking silent permission to touch her. Her breath came out in hard pants against his neck and she heard him growl out a curse word when his touch reached her bare bottom. The dress had risen to her waist and she was completely exposed.

Her head was cradled in the curve of his neck and she wrapped her arms around his torso. She could feel his heart hammering in the arteries of his neck. She could feel hers too. Except for a few involuntary noises, she remained quiet, savoring the closeness and the sensual feel of his slow and deliberate hands on her body. It felt natural and right, even though she wasn't expecting this at all. Everything in her body screamed in need for his touch.

~*~

Jacob could barely contain the desire to fuck her senseless. But this was good; this was what he really wanted. Just to feel her body again under his hands.

Talking was the last thing he wanted to do right now. What he had thought had been another torturous dream, he knew was real. She was here, soft, warm and purely _his. _

In a way this is the way that they had always communicated the best anyway. Her body was so familiar under his hand and he luxuriated in the sensation of her pale velvet skin trembling under his touch.

He also enjoyed the feeling of her breath come hard and fast, rushing out of her mouth against his neck. He could hear every little noise she was making and it was driving him out of his mind with desire. His hand glided from her waist to the impossibly soft flesh of her belly. He went lower, keeping an agonizingly slow pace.

When his fingers finally found her, wet and slick, he couldn't help but to moan out her name. She was whimpering slightly and gasped as he glided his fingers in and out slowly, feeling her tighten in response to him. It was almost enough for him to tumble over the edge, so he slowed down and tried to refocus.

After all of this time it was obvious that she wanted this too. The way her hips moved against his hand and how she clutched at the skin of his back…she needed this just as much as he did and judging by the feel of her, it had been a long time since anyone had touched her like this. Surely, he hadn't been the last one?

He dismissed the thought and continued to stroke the delicate place between her legs, ignoring the fact that his cock was twitching with anticipation. The sounds escaping from her throat were pleading and he knew she was close. He used his thumb to make tight circles around her clit and he heard her gasp for air.

He drew back, wanting to see her face. She was even lovelier when she was coming. Her face flushed pink and her mouth was slightly open. She sucked in her lower lip and bit it as she came. She constricted hard against his fingers and her body clenched and stiffened underneath him.

"Jake!"

He almost climaxed himself, hearing his name on her lips.

He kept his fingers inside her, savoring the new hot slickness of her release. Her eyes fluttered open and the look she gave him made his insides ache. She wanted him…still. It was as if no time or pain had passed at all and she was still the girl of eighteen that he loved with his entire being.

That feeling soon passed and he felt his mood darken again. It took every ounce of strength for him to pull his hand from her and look away from her eyes that shined with surprise of what had just happened.

She leaned forward, pressing her body against his and reached out for him.

"Jake, I'm--"

"--sleep Bella. We'll talk in the morning." He took her hand at the wrist and placed it firmly at her side.

His voice was cold and he saw the color leave her face. She was hurt and confused, but he didn't want to sort through all of that now. Another bout of exhaustion consumed him and he turned his back to her in the bed.

He heard her crying softly beside him as he drifted into a restless sleep.

~*~

Jake felt something stir next to him and woke with a start. His memory slowly returned as he remembered what had happened last night. He shifted slowly in the bed, turning so that he could better view her.

A shaft of clear morning light was coming from the shutters of his window, illuminating half of her body. His eyes traced over her curves and the way her arms held her mid-section. Bella's hair was everywhere. It had dried in soft curls around her tear-streaked face. Jacob felt sick. He had made her cry last night. He swallowed and saw the light catch a glint of something on her chest. He reached out slowly and pulled the chain from underneath the dress. She stirred slightly and her eyelashes fluttered as he held the pendent in his hand. His breath stilled in shock. It was the same shape as his own necklace. He reached down instinctively and found his own chain as he compared them in the light. Yes, they were the exact same.

"Jake?"

His eyes met with her sleepy brown ones.

"Where did you get this?" he demanded. He held her pendent in his palm, showing her.

She sat up quickly and shoved the chain back into her dress.

"Dad gave it to me," she replied, eying him defensively.

"That's impossible…my dad gave me the exact same one…," he trailed off, realization dawning on them both.

Bella smiled, despite her mood. "I knew they were up to something."

She cleared her throat, suddenly aware of her predicament. Hair tousled, dress wrinkled and sleepy eyed, she bounced out of the bed quickly. Then she felt a peculiar sensation between her legs that she hadn't felt in a long time. He had touched her last night…well, more than that. Heat flushed to her cheeks.

"Bathroom?" she asked, looking around desperately.

Jake looked sheepish. "Down the hall, to the left."

Bella bolted, taking her purse with her.

Jake felt horrible and the whole situation was terribly awkward. Why did having her here feel so wrong, yet so right at the same time? He knew that they needed to talk and Jake groaned inwardly.

He got up and made the bed. He trudged into the kitchen, passing the bathroom. He grimaced as he heard the shower running. There was no doubt in his mind that she was trying to wash the memory of his touch away.

He stormed angrily around the kitchen, brewing some coffee and making toast. The least he could do was feed her before sending her on her merry way back to Forks. His gut clenched a bit at the thought of her leaving, but she didn't belong here and she most certainly wasn't invited. The fact that she let him touch her so intimately last night wasn't helping his conflicting thoughts. She had felt so divine underneath his touch…

He heard footsteps come up behind him. He turned and had to laugh when he saw her. She was practically wrapped head to toe in three large white towels. Her cheeks were bright red.

"Sorry, but I didn't bring any other clothes and my dress is…sort of dirty, now that I've worn it three days in a row."

"Bella, anything of mine would fall right off of you," his voice trailed off in thought. "I do have a robe that is too small. You could borrow it while I clean your dress."

She nodded thankfully and followed him into the bedroom. He rummaged through the closet and found the white spa robe and set it on the bed. She was busy removing the towel from her hair and shaking out her dark waves, drying the ends with the towel. He caught a glimpse of some errant water drops on her shoulders and chest that sparkled in the light. God! Did she have to be so beautiful? Did she know the effect she still had on him? The hold she had on his heart? He hoped that she had no clue.

He shook his head angrily and left the room, closing the door behind him.

He picked her dress up from the bathroom floor and went to the laundry room. He couldn't help but hold the fabric up to his nose and breathe in her scent, before tossing it in the wash. He didn't know why he had to torture himself like this, but he also felt like he couldn't help it.

He busied himself by scrubbing the granite counters of his kitchen. His housekeeper would be in later, but he still liked to have it somewhat clean when she came. He didn't hear Bella as she crept quietly into the kitchen. She cleared her throat and he reluctantly met her eyes.

She looked very vulnerable, standing in the white robe that overwhelmed her slight figure. She was barefoot and her damp hair hung around her shoulders.

She shrugged lightly, feeling uncomfortable in the silent tension between them. "I didn't plan on staying Jacob. I'm sorry last night was so…awkward. I didn't mean to intrude. At least not like this."

She shifted her eyes around his kitchen, avoiding his glare.

He felt the tension ease up a bit in his shoulders and let them drop. "No, I'm sorry. Last night…I shouldn't have…done that. You are welcome to stay for awhile, but I do have to drop by the office in the afternoon."

He was trying to sound cool, but was failing.

"Yeah, I don't want to keep you from your work. I'll be going soon."

She walked slowly toward him and he handed her a cup of coffee.

Their hands brushed and she felt the current flow between them and her breath hitched.

"Thanks," she mumbled quietly. She met his eyes over the rim of the coffee cup as she took a sip. The hot liquid soothed her nerves a bit and she set down the cup anxiously.

He was giving her a look that made her heart hammer in her chest. She remembered kissing him last night and the way he knew how to touch her in just the right places…a shiver made its way down her spine as she remembered calling out his name.

Being in the same room with him was a bittersweet feeling. She had missed him so much, but this wasn't how she planned their reunion. She needed to break the tension somehow and say what she came here to say.

"Jake. I don't want to go without saying my peace. Will you let me talk?"

She saw his massive shoulders move as he breathed deeply, assessing her with his critical black eyes.

"Bella, I can't promise that anything you have to say will matter."

"Just let me try."

Another stretch of silence wedged itself between them before he spoke.

"Fine."

**The following songs inspired this chapter:**

"**Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson**

"**Crack the Shutters" by Snow Patrol**

"**Letters from the Sky" by Civil Twilight**

"**Currents" by Dashboard Confessional**

**A/N: Picture of Jake's condo on my face book page ; )**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I was going to wait till Friday to post this, but it's St. Patty's Day! So here it is!**

**Holy moly! Thanks for the reviews and love. Here is the long awaited chapter. Please enjoy and review when you finish. I poured my heart into it. As always, thanks to my beta, HopeAlways. **

Chapter 15- Now or Never

Jacob sat on the edge of his favorite chair in the living room. It was a worn, brown leather lounger that he had rescued from an estate sale and refurbished. It was the most comfortable seat in his place, but right now, it felt like he was sitting on a concrete block.

He couldn't help but feel tense. Bella looked perfectly innocent, sitting on the sofa across the room from him. Her feet were curled up underneath her and she was still holding the cup of coffee he had made for her, two creams and two sugars. _Just how she liked it_. She wasn't drinking it though. In fact, he thought he saw her hands tremble as she held it in her lap.

He hated that she felt so nervous to talk to him. It never used to be that way. When they used to talk, it was as easy as breathing. Of course, considering the circumstances, he understood her apprehension.

He sat hunched over, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped as he waited for her to speak. He was afraid of the words to come, but needed to hear them all the same.

She opened her mouth, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Sorry, it's Amanda, my housekeeper," Jacob muttered as he got up to answer the door. "I'll tell her to come back in a couple of hours."

Bella watched him leave the room and let out another lungful of air she had been holding. Would she ever just be able to speak to him _alone? _She set down her coffee, as it had gotten cold and unfolded her legs that had been tucked underneath her. She heard voices in the other room and assumed he was having a discussion with the housekeeper. She felt silly just sitting there and decided to use this time to get up to look around the large living area.

Jacob really did have a beautiful place here. He had a massive drafting desk perched in the corner of the room. It was littered with tools, pencils and large sheets of paper. The other side of the room was covered with floor to ceiling bookshelves packed to the brim in neatly stacked volumes. She yearned to browse the titles and to run her fingers across the spines. The overall atmosphere of the apartment was sleek and modern, but she noticed the rustic touches that seemed to mirror his taste. There were small wooden sculptures of various, native wildlife, but predominantly the wolf.

A sad smile crossed her lips as a memory made its way into her brain. They were at the beach and very young; not much older than the picture of them at the fair that her mother had taken.

_She was running across the sand with Rachel and Rebecca, collecting shells and looking for bits of sea-washed glass. Billy and Sarah were there with Charlie standing awkwardly to the side. Renee was not there of course. She would have disapproved of the impromptu play date. Sarah had spotted something in the water and had ventured farther down the beach. She bent down and peered into a small shallow tide pool and motioned us over._

"_Come look," she said smiling. They gathered around the creatures that had gathered there. A sea anemone among them. Jacob stood back, frightened. _

"_Don't be afraid, little wolf," his mother crooned and he took a few brave steps forward._

"Little wolf," Bella murmured as she picked up a small glass wolf pup from the nearby shelf.

"What did you say?"

She turned to see an astonished look on Jacob's face. Bella put the object down a little too quickly and it made a loud clunking noise against the shelf. She turned red, embarrassed that he had overheard her and had seen her touching his things.

"Um, little wolf. I remembered that your mom called you that sometimes. Is that the reason that you have so many?" she asked nervously, motioning to the sculptures on the shelf.

His eyes softened at the mention of Sarah. "Yeah, I suppose it is." He crossed his arms and gave her a hard look. "I don't want to talk about her right now." He was closing down again and she needed to come out with it quick.

"Are we alone? I feel like no time is the right time to talk to about this," she said, letting out a frustrated sigh.

He stood back from her and shifted uncomfortably. "Amanda will be back in a few hours so whatever you've come here to say, couldn't possible take that long, right?"

"No, I suppose it shouldn't take that long at all, so I'll just say what I've come here to say."

He nodded and crossed his arms. His eyes were cold, black and distant. This was not going to be easy.

She sighed in frustration. "Jake, I know you're angry with me. I can see that what I did was unforgivable in your eyes. Five years is a long time to hold on to hating me. Please let me explain some things to you."

He looked away from her, digesting her words. He paced the room and she waited for him to respond.

He let out a gust of air. "I don't hate you," he said softly. "I hate what happened to us. We didn't deserve to lose so much so young."

She nodded and tried to swallow the wave of sadness that was trying to overtake her. "I know, but you can't even stand to be around me or even look at me."

He shook his head and she saw him swallow hard. He didn't meet her eyes. "Every time I see your face, I'm reminded of how happy we used to be and how we can't go back to that place anymore."

She gulped and searched her brain frantically for a response. Her voice leaked desperation.

"Why can't we? Jacob, that day five years ago, I ceased to live. I lost the baby and then you. I was sick. Everything in my head was so fucked up. That day in my bedroom, I didn't even realize the words that came out of my mouth until much too late. It took me so long just to become myself again, and even now there is so much of me that is broken. I know I hurt you, but you have to understand, I was hurting too!"

His eyes met with hers for a fraction of a second, then he turned from her, facing the window that overlooked the garden. He spoke over his shoulder.

"I understood that in the moment! But five years Bella! FIVE! Without a word or anything. I had to move on!"

She could have told him about the call she made to Billy four years ago, trying to reconnect…but she didn't want to implicate him in any way. After all, Billy wanted them to be together and she didn't want Jacob to hold any ill will toward his father.

She saw his fists ball up angrily, but she took a few brave steps forward.

"And did you? Did you move on?"

He was silent and she couldn't read his emotions because he was still turned from her.

She felt the tears running down her face. "How I've made it these last five years--without you? I'll never know how I did it! I woke up every morning and my heart was still beating and breath still filled my lungs and I told myself that it would be okay. That time would heal these wounds and that I could do this without you."

She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his upper arm. "Jacob, never in my life have I told myself a greater lie."

She felt his muscles clench underneath her touch.

"Please, Bella. I can't go through this again."

He spoke with such anguish that Bella felt her heart shatter for him.

"Jacob, I can leave now. Life will go on for us. We've proven that. But for what? So that we can just exist in this life without the one we were meant for? It seems pretty meaningless without you. I need you. I've always needed you. Don't leave me Jacob and I promise, I'll never leave you again. I love you."

He jerked away from her hand and walked a few quick steps before turning on her. She noticed that his eyes were brimmed with tears. He ran both hands through his hair and then over his face as if he was trying to rub the sadness away.

"Bella. Stop--," he pleaded.

"--No. I can't," she said forcefully. "I can't stop and I won't…ever stop loving you."

She shook her head, not bothering to wipe the constant flow of tears.

"Tell me that you don't love me anymore. Tell me and I'll go!" she sobbed desperately.

She looked at him expectantly, her heart on the line. His face was tortured and he was still crying. He shook his head minutely and a long stretch of silence was marked by each loud beat of her breaking heart.

He said nothing. He didn't want her. He didn't love her any more.

She breathed in loudly, stifling another sob with the back of her hand. She turned quickly and ran, somewhat blinded by her own tears, to his laundry room to get her dress.

Oh, God. She was humiliated. What made her think that she could gauge his feelings after all of this time? What made her think that they reflected her own?

She threw open the door of the washer. The dress was still damp, but it would have to do. She couldn't very well drive home in his robe! She turned and gave out a yelp. His body took up the doorway into the small room. His chest was heaving and his eyes were on fire.

"You didn't let me answer," he growled. Before she could respond, he crossed the distance between them quickly and scooped her into his arms, embracing her.

He was kissing her again, much like he did the night before. Lightly all over her face. His hands held her head steady and he kissed her deeply, the taste of bittersweet tears intermingling on tongues. His lips closed around hers passionately and they could both feel the pent up heartbreak, guilt and longing fade with each second that passed.

He broke the kiss hesitantly and looked down at her. He cradled her face in his hands, searching her face with a look so tender, it almost stopped her heart.

"I've never stopped loving you. Couldn't if I tried."

Bella's heart overflowed with a fountain of joy. Jacob looked like a new man. The hard lines that had creased his forehead and the muscles that had tensed his jaw had relaxed. He looked young and carefree. Bella smiled through the glittering tears and reached up on her tiptoes for another kiss. He wove his hands through her silken hair and savored her mouth on his.

He reached down and scooped her up with one hand supporting her bottom so that her face was in front of his and he had better access to her mouth and throat. She groaned with pleasure as he kissed her throat and that place beneath her ear that made her quiver and moan.

He drew back again, setting her down. He held her shoulders in his hands and looked at her with a face full of love and desire. "Bella, I'm so sorry about last night. That was a real dick move. I was out of line."

She felt herself melt and she stroked the side of his face lovingly. She wanted him…no, _needed_ him now. All of him. She wanted to feel his skin under her fingertips, touch him everywhere, have him inside her. She wanted to get lost in his embrace and relieve the unbearable yearning she had been holding on to for five excruciatingly long years.

"I promise there is a way you can make it up to me," she whispered suggestively. She reached down and untied the belt of the robe and let it drop from her shoulders onto the floor.

His eyes widened, roaming the expanse of her creamy skin. Her breasts were a little fuller and her overall shape more curvy then when he last saw her so…exposed. Her skin flushed a lovely shade of pink as he gazed upon her.

"What are you doing to me, Bella?" he asked, finally meeting her eyes. His voice trembled with deep desire.

"Loving you. Now love me," she said simply.

She took his hand and led him the short distance to the bedroom. She pushed him down gently, so that he was sitting on the side of the bed. She reached down and pulled the white undershirt over his head, tossing it to the side of the room. Next, she slid the flannel sleep pants down over his hips and backside taking the boxers with them. Now that he was naked, she lowered herself into his lap so that his erection was between them. She pressed her chest into his and felt his arms cradle her back. She placed kisses along his chest and neck, enjoying the feel of his cock twitch and respond to her movements. He groaned when she brought her mouth to his, sucking on his lower lip.

He pulled back from her suddenly and looked down at her with concern. "Bella are we moving too quickly?"

She laughed lightly, shaking her head. "Jacob, it's been five years. Please. I want you… So badly."

He crashed his mouth to hers, breathing her in and swirling his tongue eagerly around hers. He reached down and wrapped her legs around his and moved her to her back on his bed. Her hair fanned around her head and her beauty in that moment took his breath away.

"Ever since I first saw you, I remember thinking that you were the prettiest, sweetest girl I'd ever met. I was in love instantly. I wanted to marry you. I still want to marry you."

Bella shifted underneath him, her whole body tingling. His words sang to her heart. "You want to marry me?"

He nodded solemnly, eyes brimming with joy. "Bella, will you be my wife?"

Her reply was choked with emotion and all she could do was nod her head up and down frantically. His face broke out into the biggest grin she had seen on him yet. He assailed her face and lips with kisses.

"You've made me a very happy man," he said, still smiling widely. He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. She held him closer, wrapping her arms and legs around his chest.

"Make love to me," she whispered in his ear.

He looked down at her lovely face, their desire to become one mirrored in each other's eyes. He adjusted her hips with his hands and then drew himself back to align his cock to her center. He pushed into her gently with one fluid movement and she cried out.

She felt so damn tight and wet that he could have lost all control right then, but he proceeded slowly, thrusting into her at a snail's pace and concentrating on her eyes.

"Bella," he groaned. "I can't possibly get enough of you."

His hands were everywhere on her body and she moaned in delight as he buried himself in her again and again. Making love this slow was new to them both and it was nice to take in every sensation, savoring it.

But soon Bella's hips were meeting with his urgently and she grabbed his behind, pulling him farther into her.

"Oh please, Jacob," she begged him, fingers curled at his back.

He couldn't hold back any longer after that. He plunged into her forcefully and she arched her back, giving him a better angle. Her eyes were closed tightly and he felt her body stiffen underneath him, which was good because he was toppling over the edge himself.

Everything around them shattered into pieces as they came together, practically knocking a hole in the wall where the bedposts were slamming into it.

"Ah! Bella!" he cried out as he exploded into her.

She let out a wail, seconds later, the inside of her pulsing around him. He collapsed half on top of her and their chests heaved against each other. It was a few minutes before Jacob finally broke the silence.

"Was that making love?" he asked, giving her an amused look. It was more like a passionate fuck frenzy, but they loved each other, so that had to count right?

She giggled and the sound was pure joy to Jacob's senses. "That was definitely our version."

They rested there for a few minutes, letting their breathing even out. Soon, however, he was nuzzling his nose against her breast, cupping them with his hand and taking a nipple into his mouth. He sucked on it slowly and she gave a soft whine of pleasure.

"I've missed these," he said sweetly and she laughed.

"Just the boobs, huh?" She gave him an amused smirk.

"Yup, just the boobs," he murmured between soft kisses and flicks of his tongue.

She suppressed a laugh. Two could play this game. "Nothing else?" she asked innocently, taking his hand and pressing it to the apex of her thighs.

"Bella," he growled and was on top of her again. "You are bewitching me."

He had grown hard again against her thigh and she turned her body so that her back was against his chest. She pressed her ass against his cock suggestively.

"You are an insatiable little minx."

"Only for you."

She whimpered as he brought her leg up and entered her again. The spooning position was more intimate that he had imagined, the way his body accommodated the delectable curve of her ass also offered a great view and even tighter sensation. It wasn't long before both of them were slick with sweat and each other as they climaxed.

He cuddled her against his chest, burying his face in her hair. "We aren't going to be leaving the bed much today are we?"

She shook her head, still breathing heavily. "Maybe for some water."

"Sure baby."

He got up and went to the kitchen and came back chuckling. He was holding her glass of water in one hand and what appeared to be a note in the other. He handed her the letter with the water.

_Sorry Mr. Black. I didn't want to disturb you and your um,__ friend, _

_so I'll come back and clean tomorrow._

_Amanda_

"Whoops," she giggled. "Wait a minute; don't you have to go to work soon?"

He sat on the edge of the bed and it caved a bit under his bulk.

"Work can wait."

He crawled back into bed with her and took a drink after she had her fill. He stroked her hair as she snuggled into the crook of his arm.

"The beach," she spoke softly.

"Hmmm?"

"Can we get married on the beach? First Beach?"

He took a deep breath. "Sure honey. Are you sure you want to go back to Washington? I mean I'm perfectly happy staying here and flying people down."

"No, I've always envisioned myself marrying you on that beach," she murmured.

"My mom and dad were married on that beach," he said quietly, kissing the top of her head.

"Well then it's perfect."

She sighed contentedly, rubbing her hand absentmindedly up and down his chest.

"When?"

"Tomorrow," she said, looking serious, but then laughed when his eyes widened with surprise.

"I would marry you today, Bella. In fact we could go down to the courthouse right now and I'd put a ring on your finger, but I thought you might want to have guests and a little celebration maybe," he said lacing his fingers through hers.

She giggled. "I was joking, but yeah, I'm not picky. Just our dads, Alice, Angela and you. That's all I need."

"Can I invite some people too?" he asked, chuckling.

"Like Sam and Leah? Those two seemed pretty close when I left." She smiled at the thought of Leah's bedded sex hair when she opened the door of her motel room.

"Yeah, he was pretty smitten over her. Can't blame him I guess."

She turned so that she was lying on his chest, facing him. "Did you guys, uh…have a thing?"

Jacob's expression turned sheepish. "We didn't sleep together. Mostly there was just an infatuation on her part."

"Oh."

"Hey," Jacob said softly, lifting her chin toward him. "Nothing happened. She wanted something that I wasn't prepared to give away. You've always had my heart, Bella. No other woman could ever live up to the pedestal I put you on. Anyway, she's happy now and we're happy, right?"

Bella nodded and gave him a soft kiss. "It's only been you Jake. Only you."

He deepened the kiss and held her close.

"And I'll love only you, forever and always," he whispered in her ear.

They fell asleep in each other's arms. Their hearts swelled with love and devotion that had never died.

~*~

**The next chapter will be an epilogue of sorts. I hope you liked this one. Please show your love and review!**

**Songs that inspired this chapter include:**

"**Breathe Me" by Sia**

"**This Years Love" by David Gray**

"**Falling Away With You" by Muse**

"**Fall for You" by Secondhand Serenade**


	16. Epilogue

**A/N: Here we are at the end. What a ride it's been for me! And maybe you too? **

**I know that some of you thought their reunion was a little too easy and that I didn't provide enough emotion from Bella or Jake. This whole story was about angst and loss and I was just tired of putting them through that. I just wanted them TOGETHER, finally! And really, Jake didn't need to hear a whole lot from Bella. He knew in his heart that what had happened was a result of miscommunication and deep pain. In a way he had already forgiven her before he even saw her again. If you remember in the second chapter, he wished her happiness despite the hurt she had caused him. I hope you enjoy this ending. It is closure and it is short and sweet. I'm anxious to start a new story. Thank you, my beautiful readers.**

~Epilogue~

~Dust to Dust~

"Are you ready for this?" Jacob asked, holding out his hand.

Bella nodded and accepted his grasp. His large, warm palm surrounded hers, always comforting. He pulled her up the steep, rocky cliff and brought her in, close to his warm, broad chest as the wind had picked up considerably. He felt her take a deep breath.

"You know what? The weather here blows…literally," she laughed weakly. Jacob smiled at her, but it was tight. He knew she was trying to try to make this a little easier, but there was just no way to do so.

"Yes. But look. It's so beautiful here," he murmured.

She looked around her. Jacob was right. She had always had a love/hate relationship with the brooding weather of Washington, but the consecutive cloudy days made the sunny ones more special.

She sighed looking out at the grey sky that met the charcoal water. The haze settled between the green trees of the coast, giving it a haunted look. And it _was_ haunted in a way…for both of them.

"Look, there's our tree," she said, pointing out to the coast, to the white object below. It seemed so tiny from up on the cliff.

Jacob followed her gaze and she felt him press a kiss to her temple. Like he could forget the moments that they had shared there. He planned on proposing properly to her there tomorrow.

Today was for something different entirely. It was for remembering and also for letting go. He felt the gold press against his chest, almost burning.

It was all coming full circle.

They sat for a moment, silent, on the small jagged edge of the bluff. It offered a brilliant panoramic view from this particular vantage point. The trees from the forests were visible. The ocean, the beach, the bluffs, even parts of the reservation.

Bella turned and gave Jacob a brave smile.

"I'm ready now."

She pulled the chain from her shirt and held the pendent in her palm. Jacob slowly took his arm from around her and drew his own chain from his chest, looking at it.

It was hard to see through the blur of tears, but she watched as he twisted the top of the delicate golden vial and poured the tiny amount of silken ashes into his hand. He quickly closed his fingers around them, so that the wind wouldn't take them away.

He waited patiently as she did the same and she held her breath when the ashes fell into her palm. She couldn't help but let the sob break free from her gut as she clenched her fingers around them.

In a physical sense it was all that she had left of Benjamin. But she needed to let him go.

The chain was becoming more and more heavy with each passing day. They both felt it. It was time to give their beloved son a proper farewell.

Jacob went first, letting the wind sift the ashes from his hand. She could hardly stand to watch them swirl and disappear into the breeze.

"Goodbye," he choked out.

Bella's heart could barely take the look on his face as she watched him.

But it was time.

It was the hardest things she had ever done in her life-- opening her palm to the cruel wind.

Soon her hand was empty, the tiny particles of angel dust completely gone.

She clutched Jacob close to her and cried softly into his neck.

"Oh, Jacob. I miss him so! Please tell me what I can do to ease the hurt! God, it hurts so bad!"

He only held her tighter against him, shaking with their shared anguish.

They held each other until they were numb of feeling. Jacob had been right though. She felt the guilt lift from her shoulders, swept away with those ashes.

She felt him lift his head from her shoulder.

"Bella look."

She opened her swollen eyes and turned her face toward the sea. She inhaled quickly, in awe of the sight.

The clouds had opened, letting streaming curtains of shimmering sunshine down onto the inlet. The watered sparkled with dancing light and the wind stilled suddenly.

Everything in the air had shifted and in turn had shifted something in her. An epiphany of sorts. She looked down at the hand intertwined in hers.

This is what this short life was about. Pain and darkness were necessary, but it was all temporary in the scheme of things. There was so much to look forward to.

Hope, faith and most of all love.

She wouldn't dare waste a minute.

~*~

**Songs that inspired this chapter include:**

"**Yellow" by Coldplay**

"**Gone Away" by Lucy Schwartz**

"**Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam**

**Thank you for reading my story. It was such an honor to receive compliments on it. There are so many people to thank for inspiring me and helping this tale along. The first being my husband for his unconditional love and support of me and my dreams. Nurse by night, writer by day. ; )**

**My Beta! Hope, thanks so much for seeing this story though. I couldn't have done it without you. Please everyone, check out her story "The Beginning of the End." It's on my profile. **

**These characters and events have marked a very special place in my heart and I hope they did for you as well. **

**Please leave me a review. Also, anyone that has silently appreciated the story thus far, speak up! I would love to hear your thoughts as well. **

**My next story will be NOTHING like this one, but it will be all human again. I have a great beginning going, so please look for the first chapter coming in April. If you are interested in a steamy tale of the dark desire and of course the magical Mr. Jacob Black, I would greatly encourage you to check the Author Alert box as you review. I think many of you will love it!**

**Until next time! Peace and Love, MSG**


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